z

Young Writers Society


Violence

Untitled

by FireSpyGirl


A/N: Apologies if the layout is confusing or takes away from the emotion, but this needed to be broken up in stanzas and this was the only way that it would stay broken up into the separate stanzas.

Your ghost still haunts me,

Always whispering in the back of my mind. 

I don't know what to do.

I've let you go as best I can,

If my chest was to be opened, 

Would the blood spill out?

Would it drown those standing by? 

There's a demon awakening

The mask is getting harder to keep on.

I want to embrace it, give in to the siren call.

There's a shadow inside thirsting for darkness.

The world is supposedly a stage,

Should I put on a show?

A modern twist of Hamlet?

Give out front row tickets for the world

To watch me bleed out and die? 

My revenge doesn't want to take the form

Of taking other people's lives.

It wants to drown them in my blood,

Force them to watch as I rise from a grave

Stronger, darker, unrecognizable. 

To those who call themselves my friends,

Is the front row good enough?

I'll give you a "behind the curtain" pass,

Just to watch the horror on your faces

As the bright red pain laps at your feet,

Sticking to your hands when you reach out.

Trapping you as you turn to run away.

To the next man my heart abandons me for;

When you find me collapsed, torn,

Drowning in my own tears in a corner,

What will you do?

Will you stab another knife in and walk away?

Or will you surprise me, hold me, let me cry my pain away?

Will you pick up the needle my sore and shaking fingers have dropped, stitch the cuts and pull the shards of steel out of my back?

So, how should I end this chapter?

Take a knife, carve my heart out, take a bite and then burn it?

Open my wrists, let myself soak back into the earth?

Grab a gun, play a little game of roulette? 

No.

No.

No.

This darkness will heal, I'll let it steal me.

I'll let it hide me, I'll disappear while I reclaim myself. 

To the man who wants to love me,

If you ever come into my life,

Here is my warning;

You will have to break down more walls than you can imagine.

You want my trust?

Fucking earn it.

You want me to need you?

Fucking earn it.

Prove to me that you are worth needing.

Prove to me that you are strong enough, worthy
enough for my passion, my love, my flame, my light, my desire and my darkness. 

If you want easy, walk away.

If you want an apology for all of this,

Walk away.

If you want to play games, walk away.

I'm done.

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461 Reviews

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Thu Aug 24, 2023 6:20 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you're having a good afternoon!

I really enjoyed the stage motif of this poem. You do a lot of really cool, unique things with it. I particularly liked the analogy of showing those close to you "behind the curtain," so to speak. I interpreted this to be about how difficult, and sometimes 'improper' it feels to be emotionally intimate with others. Especially when they would rather "front row seats" to the "show" you put on for the benefit of everyone else.

You expand on this theme in the final stanza,

If you want easy, walk away.

If you want an apology for all of this,

Walk away.

If you want to play games, walk away.

I'm done.


I like the way you start each line, and how it simply ends with the words, "I'm done." It lends itself to an impactful ending that gives the readers a lot to think about. In my opinion, it's the perfect stanza to leave this poem on.

However, I did feel like some of your stanza's felt very loosely connected, as though they all belonged to different poems. Each have a different number of lines, different motifs, and don't wholly flow together as well as I think they could.

All in all, though, this poem is really well constructed! As stated above, I loved your use of figurative language, and your final stanza in particular is very well executed. I hope to see more poems from you soon! Keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day! :D




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Sat Aug 19, 2023 2:04 am
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Khalzreenism says...



The melancholy of this writing, the story telling is superb. I've to say that I love the way you expressed here. Could learn one or two things from this here. Thanks!




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83 Reviews

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Fri Aug 18, 2023 6:13 pm
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ariah347 wrote a review...



First of all, I think the broken up stanzas and shifting alignments of them fits so well with this. So, it may not have been intentional but added to the overall quality of your work imo! Also, this really can resonate with anyone who has had "the one who got away", lost someone figuratively or literally, or just has someone who is no longer in their life in one way or another but cannot move on. I really appreciate how the imagery is consistent throughout with words such as "ghost", "blood/bleed", "demon", "shadow", "darkness", and "die/stab". There are many more that stand out but these elements of word choice further expand on the brooding and tortured sense of holding onto someone that has disappeared. I also love the comparison of Hamlet. Anyone who knows that work can see the alignment between what this poem conveys and the themes/plot of Hamlet.

I also really enjoyed the transition of the Hamlet stanza to the comparison of friends being in the front row to the horror show that is occurring and then the easily moves into the next relationship and how that weight is carried when you haven't moved on from someone. Also, this overall work is a testament to how relationships, trauma, pain, breaking of trust can really damage a person's ability to have healthy relationships in the future. As someone who has PTSD from a prior relationship, this really spoke volumes to me as how much it takes to rebuild your life when you've been through some horrible things. I would love to hear this spoken aloud at a Slam Poetry event. Very nicely done!





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