From friends to lovers,
That's how the story turned.
I was my only focus,
I had quit the balancing act.
Learned to be alright with myself,
Was climbing towards peace.
I don't know what's going on now.
I'm unearthly happy, still peaceful.
You are the best thing to happen to me.
So why are my demons still running wild?
They've taken on different worries, different insecurities, but still.
Why?
I know it could be worse,
But I'm still screaming.
I'm still hurting,
I'm still crying.
No one listens to the silence screaming,
No one listens to the audible screaming.
What is wrong with me?
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey friend! I hope you are having a lovely day. Ellie here with a review! Let's jump right in:
I love the contrast we see here. Once in love, but you could not balance it all forever, so here we are. In a place where the best thing that ever happened to you is hurting you. That is a feeling that I can relate to really strongly. Even if it is not in a romantic way, I think a lot of people can see themselves in this poem. You do a lovely job asking questions too, which is something I love to see in poetry because it is so engaging and makes me feel like I am really being spoken to.
Loved this ending so so much:
This hit me really deeply. I think the single, straight sentences you use, right after the other, were really powerful. They have such a strong effect because it really feels like we are just in your brain, wondering "why? why? why!?!" That suspense we feel is so real and meaningful. No one listens to the sounds, so you are trapped here, with no one <3 Thank you for sharing these words <33
Your friend,
Ellie
@EllieMae
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
Hello, my friend!
Such a brilliant and emotional poem you've created here. The opening lines draw the reader in with curiosity; what is this turning point, and where is it leading? Then, on to discover a hard cycle of self-reflection and deep existential questions. How even during good times, demons can still come back to haunt you, and it feels like something is "wrong" and that you're not being heard. I can definitely glean that struggle from these lines, and overall, I'm impressed by the beautiful art that you've made from such a negative experience ~
For recommendations, I couldn't really think of any! The content really was great, and so was the structure of the poem. I noticed a fellow reviewer mention that it could be a nice addition to glean some of these mentioned worries or insecurities, and I agree it would be a good addition, but not essential.
~ Of course, I am no professional either way, so please take any opinion or advice from me with a grain of salt ~
Overall, you did a wonderful job!
Hi there Writer! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! Let's get flying, shall we?
)
🔶 Top Graham Cracker: First Impression!
First off, wow- your poem spoke to my soul. The shift from friendship to love, the focus on self-discovery, and the pursuit of inner peace—such a relatable journey. Your words created this intimate vibe that made me feel like we were having a cozy chat over a cup of tea. ☕️ The beginning was like a warm hug, embracing the journey to self-contentment.
🔥 Slightly Burned Marshmallow: Room Improvements!
Your poem is already a powerful journey, but let's talk about taking it to the next level. As we explore the emotional landscape, consider adding specific instances or anecdotes that bring those inner demons to life. You've introduced the concept beautifully, but a touch more detail can make those struggles even more relatable.
For instance, instead of just mentioning "different worries, different insecurities," share a glimpse into one of these worries. (Don't worry, I've done the same thing!) Maybe it's a recurring fear or a specific situation that triggers those inner battles. This would not only enrich the narrative but also allow readers to connect more deeply with your personal experience.
Additionally, while the vivid imagery is fantastic, there's always room to play with metaphors or similes to amplify the emotional impact. How about comparing the persistence of pain to an unwelcome guest overstaying their welcome? It adds an extra layer of relatability and paints a clearer picture of the emotional turmoil. (These are all just suggestion that you can embrace or disregard based on your writing preferences! Don't feel pressured to change your story up
🍫 Melty Hershey's Chocolate: Highlights of the Piece!
Your confusion about the persistence of pain, despite the good stuff, hit me right in the feels. That raw honesty and vulnerability make your poem incredibly authentic. The contrast between the external happiness and the internal tug-of-war is something we've all danced with. 💔 It's like you opened a window into your heart, and I'm right there with you.
🔥 Perfectly Toasted Marshmallow: Favorite lines!
Holy moly, that line hit me like a tidal wave! It's not just words; it's a whole symphony of emotions. The acknowledgment that things could be worse, but that internal scream still echoing—it's the kind of honesty that gives me goosebumps. It's like you're peeling back layers of vulnerability, and I'm right there, feeling the weight of each syllable.
Can we talk about this imagery for a moment? I'm picturing a biting wind, against all expectations, choosing to stay silent. The trees, these stoic sentinels, standing undisturbed—it's like a frozen moment in time, and I can practically feel the eerie stillness. Your craft with imagery is on another level, my friend! 🌳
This line is pure magic! The moon, giving off a 'cold regard'—you've personified it so beautifully. That dim light casting an eerie glow, filling the air with emptiness—it's like a painting, and you're the artist creating a masterpiece with your words. It left me in awe!
🔶 Bottom Graham Cracker: Closing thoughts!
As I sit here, reflecting on your poem, it's clear that your words have left an indelible mark on my heart. The authenticity, the vulnerability, and the emotional rollercoaster you shared—these are the threads that connect us all. Your ability to articulate the intricacies of your journey is a true gift. Keep pouring your heart into your words, my friend, because your voice matters. 🩷🩷
Fly high writer, Cupid. 💘