Young Writers Society

Hello, my friend!

Such a brilliant and emotional poem you've created here. The opening lines draw the reader in with curiosity; what is this turning point, and where is it leading? Then, on to discover a hard cycle of self-reflection and deep existential questions. How even during good times, demons can still come back to haunt you, and it feels like something is "wrong" and that you're not being heard. I can definitely glean that struggle from these lines, and overall, I'm impressed by the beautiful art that you've made from such a negative experience ~

For recommendations, I couldn't really think of any! The content really was great, and so was the structure of the poem. I noticed a fellow reviewer mention that it could be a nice addition to glean some of these mentioned worries or insecurities, and I agree it would be a good addition, but not essential.

~ Of course, I am no professional either way, so please take any opinion or advice from me with a grain of salt ~

Overall, you did a wonderful job!

Hi there Writer! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! Let's get flying, shall we?

🔶 Top Graham Cracker: First Impression!

First off, wow- your poem spoke to my soul. The shift from friendship to love, the focus on self-discovery, and the pursuit of inner peace—such a relatable journey. Your words created this intimate vibe that made me feel like we were having a cozy chat over a cup of tea. ☕️ The beginning was like a warm hug, embracing the journey to self-contentment.

🔥 Slightly Burned Marshmallow: Room Improvements!

Your poem is already a powerful journey, but let's talk about taking it to the next level. As we explore the emotional landscape, consider adding specific instances or anecdotes that bring those inner demons to life. You've introduced the concept beautifully, but a touch more detail can make those struggles even more relatable.

For instance, instead of just mentioning "different worries, different insecurities," share a glimpse into one of these worries. (Don't worry, I've done the same thing!) Maybe it's a recurring fear or a specific situation that triggers those inner battles. This would not only enrich the narrative but also allow readers to connect more deeply with your personal experience.

Additionally, while the vivid imagery is fantastic, there's always room to play with metaphors or similes to amplify the emotional impact. How about comparing the persistence of pain to an unwelcome guest overstaying their welcome? It adds an extra layer of relatability and paints a clearer picture of the emotional turmoil. (These are all just suggestion that you can embrace or disregard based on your writing preferences! Don't feel pressured to change your story up )

🍫 Melty Hershey's Chocolate: Highlights of the Piece!

Your confusion about the persistence of pain, despite the good stuff, hit me right in the feels. That raw honesty and vulnerability make your poem incredibly authentic. The contrast between the external happiness and the internal tug-of-war is something we've all danced with. 💔 It's like you opened a window into your heart, and I'm right there with you.

🔥 Perfectly Toasted Marshmallow: Favorite lines!

"I know it could be worse, but I'm still screaming."

"The wind, though cold and relentless, remains silent, unable to even rustle the trees."

"The crescent moon's cold regard and dim light fill the air with a haunting feeling of emptiness."