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One snowy morning

by FireSpyGirl

Snow lies on the ground,

The sky is tinged with pink and gold

The sun is rising.

I stand there watching

Loving the beauty all around

For seventeen years I looked.

I looked for the beauty of life,

The beauty of human kind.

I couldn't find it.

I became sick,

An infection invaded

And one morning, I saw!

The beauty! The love! The joy!

For possibly the first time in my life

I put myself entirely in Gods hands.

My reward was great,

Nature became dazzling,

As did the people I love

All this ran through my head,

On that breath taking morning

I thank God every night.

I will never lose my sight again.

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Thu Jan 24, 2019 10:44 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hi, Shikora here with a review.

I do believe this will be the first time I'm reviewing one of your works.

Let's get to it.

This was a really nice poem you have here. It was supper fun to read, and it was easy to understand. The flow was nice, every sentence ran over to the next like it was a river, and that was really nice to read.

I like the name you have chosen for this poem, it dosen't tell you quit what the poem is about, but it does get you interested. And that's something you want, you want to have that power over your readers.

I couldn't find any spelling mistakes or grammar, so that's really good. But I can't say I'm the best at any of those, so I may have missed some.

Now down to the real review.

This about how you have done your poem. Now before I start I just want to say, I don't mean to be harsh in any way, so if I come across that way, I am very sorry.
Now as I was reading your poem, it was a little hard for me to see what part was next being the one paragraph on the one side and the other on the other side.
It would be better if you put all of them in one line. But that is up to you.

Well that's that from me for now, I loved reading and reviewing your work for you. I hope to see more of your work on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

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Points: 137
Reviews: 3

Wed Jan 23, 2019 5:54 pm
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eeh03 wrote a review...

Hiya, just came across your poem so heres a little review. Just a pre-warning, any constructive criticism I may give is not for you to immediately change your poem, but to keep in mind if you ever come to revise it because I feel more that ever in poetry the poets voice is so important and must stay consistent and exterior critique, if not considered correctly, threatens this, so keep this in mind.
Ok firstly, absolutely love the formatting, it really adds another layer to the poem and makes reading it all the more pleasurable. Another thing I initially noticed was the capitalisation of each line without punctuation on the end of the previous one. I don't know if this was necessarily supposed to be enjambment, if so maybe un-capitalize the first letter and if not maybe add some punctuation at the end of the previous line. Either way it works.
I love the opening imagery, the colouring is beautiful and the placement of the sun rise at the beginning of the poem makes the reader empathise with the speaker in that the beginning of the poem is the beginning of the day. Empathy being established this early in the poem is very affective in portraying emotions later on in the poem so, well done!
I noticed the capitalisation of God, which implies god as a being, not a concept (sorry if I have misread) and I think this divine imagery is very affective and kinda makes the comparison between nature and a divine higher power which magnifies the affect on the speaker, much like Dickinson did in 'There's a certain slant of light', maybe give this a read if you haven't because I think your poem lends it much to it (despite the different tones).
In addition, I very much liked the clear narrative, it was precise, but not without affective imagery. The line 'All this ran through my head' reminded me of Homeric/Epic poetry, which is translated so different poems differ in voice, but I felt it was similarly narrating a story but also portraying an image.
Finally, not necessarily in this poem, but maybe in another you could explore some more poetic language, I can see much in this poem (and this may be a personal preference) but maybe explore words like 'allure' in place of 'beauty', just to add more emotion as you see fit, but of course this is very much up to you as the poet and all in all the poem comes together very nicely, well done and I'm excited to hear your response.

FireSpyGirl says...

Thank you! I will definitely edit things when I get the chance.

FireSpyGirl says...

I have to say, I've never heard of emjambment. I'm going to have study that a lot more. Also, you made a lot of good points, thank you! The capitalisation of each line is more of a personal quirk. I just like writing poems like that. Also, I haven't read much of Dickinson poetry, but I might check it out! There may be some good pointers in there. Thank you for the review!

The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket