One look, one word is all it took.
A magnetic pull I'd never felt before,
A fascination and awe I'd never encountered in a human being.
"Don't. Fall.
Don't Believe.
Don't Trust."
That's what I told myself, then you kissed me.
I was gone.
A few months, I was just learning to accept and love myself.
I was healing.
I am healing.
You flooded, burned, twisted and shook my life.
Flooded, burned, twisted and shook me.
Told me I could ask for help, I never did.
Did my independence chase you away?
Did my illness, my mental pain chase you away?
Was I to much, or was I to boring?
I told you what I was when I met you.
Did life just get in the away and it's my own anxiety telling me you hate me?
I'm sorry all I did was talk about myself, if you could see how much I care,
How much I'm interested in you, in who you are, in how I see you;
The intensity would burn you.
I was just excited.
You don't talk to me now,
Yet still seem to care about me.
I cannot go another year depending on myself.
I need someone. I need you. I want you. I want to need you.
I want you to need me, want me, want to need me.
It's a two way street.
I'm lost, scared, confused, growing, healing, learning.....yet dying.
If I let you in and you leave, I die.
If I keep surviving, depending only on me, I die.
My biggest strength is turning into a weakness.
So I finally said words I never wanted to;
"I need someone to talk to"
"Alright. We'll talk."
Will we?
I don't sleep, I'm only resting because I have no choice.
I love you. All I want is to see you happy, with or without me.
Getting to see you smile, hear your laugh, makes the darkest day worth it.
The warmth and happiness that breaks through the pain and fear
Makes it worth it.
Taking a chance that I'll regret if I don't.
Taking a chance and slowly letting you in.
I'm damned if I don't, might be damned if I do.
I die if I don't, maybe die if I do.
I'm supposed to put myself first, take care of myself.
Validate my pain. I'm trying.
I'm feeling it, crying all the time.
No matter what happens to me,
So long as I know you're happy,
See the most beautiful, deep, fascinating eyes I've ever looking into become bright with a smile,
See you truly happy,
It'll be worth it.
This sounds like it's all about me,
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to do,
I don't know how else to say it.
Please don't hate me.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi, FireSpyGirl!
So.. I'm not experienced with poetry or the rules, but, I still wanted to leave a review on this poem. Like Myah06 said, I think it conveys the message, emotions, and thought process of the narrator very well. There's imagery, there's metaphor...but most of all, it just feels human. It doesn't rhyme, and not every line is a similar length, yet it still has a rhythm to it. Everything sounds like someone pouring their heart out into a letter, as the title says. It's also powerful and heartfelt. Even though I haven't experienced any of those feelings, the poem conveys it well enough that I think I can empathize and understand a little.
The narrator is debating whether they should open up to the person they're falling in love with. It's clear they're trying to heal from something, and it's not easy to decide.
^I think this part is relatable to lots of people. Trusting and opening up to someone is always a risk. You're giving/sharing a part of yourself to someone, and it can end in two ways. On one hand, things could break apart, and you might be left alone to pick up the pieces, learn from them, and move on. It might hurt. But on the other hand, it could end well. You can't gain something from giving nothing, so usually in this case -- if you take the chance and give/share -- even if it's just a little, you could gain. Whether it's a deeper trust, bond, etc.
And, well, for the narrator, they feel that they *need* to take this chance, because their self-isolation that acted as a shield is also a double-edged sword, and they can't handle it for much longer. They want to open up, to connect with this special person, to make the bargain. And so they're deciding that it's better to take the chance, even if it risks failure, than to not do that and wither away anyway. They know they'd regret it if they didn't pick the former.
The ending is a little heartbreaking though. They're clearly not confident in how to do this, and they were also struggling to find self-love. Which could make it more risky if they become too attached to the other person. But they're still trying it out, because they feel that it's for the better. Either way, it's a brave move.
This confession in the poem is so sweet. The way it's written also feels genuine and heartfelt. It's just a bonk to the heart.
I notice that in the poem, there are a few typos. However, it doesn't distract from the meaning too much, and tbh... it kind of fits. It's like, the narrator was just quickly typing whatever came to mind, which makes sense from the title. So, with that intention, the typos might actually enhance the poem. Idk, it's up to you!
All that is just my interpretation though, so, you can take it with a grain of salt. (I also rambled quite a bit, sorry ;-;.) Lastly, I think I've read some of your other poems before too. I'm not sure if you write these from experience, but if yes, then I hope you're feeling better and doing well, wherever you are. <3 Life's tough and people can run into all sorts of circumstances, but I know you can get through this. Hang in there! And keep on writing -- you have a knack for it!
Have a good day!
Helloo! I'm here to leave a little comment/review~
This piece really captures the emotions and thoughts one has when falling in love while still being on the journey of discovering self-love. The perspective and language you choose really help with this too.
The line,
Shows how drawn the narrator is to the other person.
And the lines,
Show just how torn the narrator is because they thought they knew what they wanted for themself but the other person shook it all up. You have a few instances where word choice effectively conveys the complex emotions the narrator's feeling.
(This is aside from the review, but my favorite lines are:
Like...if this was in a romance novel I'd be underlining this like five times. xD)
A critique:
This...
Seems a bit contradictory to me. The narrator talks about trying to put themself first but then says, "No matter what happens to me, so long as I know you're happy." This could be a choice to show how conflicted the narrator is but I'm unsure.
Overall I enjoyed this! The word choice really brought this to life and the POV makes it easy to sympathize with the narrator. I liked seeing the progression in the narrator from beginning to end, not trusting to opening up and giving it a try. I also thought it was clever how you didn't break it up into stanza's since it's "A Jumbled Love Letter."
Be sure to keep writing!!~