Young Writers Society

The pieces of your new walls, must be the lessons you have learned. For your heart must adapt. Whenever made the walls all fall before, can't make them fall again. The lesson is learned, and your heart gains an indurance. Many times the walls can be entered, with all hope, the visitor won't make it fall, like all the other visitors. It's a risk to be taken. But if the visitor would like to stick around, you must be cautuous about your guard down. From every sign, every feeling this visitor gives, you must be sure that they will not cause you the same pain, from before. Wait before letting down your defenses, obsurve the visitor. You must be sure you can trust them. But that can always be a risk. This visitor may not be what they seem. The risk never has to be taken, it is always, always an option. Don't ever take one, if you are too afaid. It's good to push yourself out of your compfert zone for a while, but not too long. When the time comes to take a leap of faith, you'll know it. it's all in your heart, you heart is the part that has been broken before. Could this person break you heart? Ask your heart.

I interpreted this as being about a person who is experiencing a ton of fear and anxiety all at once, like the walls of their heart are figuratively falling down! I like the twist on the common trope of "broken heart" to "crumbling walls in a heart" -> it takes it away from being so cliche/ordinary and puts a new twist on a familiar image.

I read through the first half, and was thinking... wait! When do we get to know what actually broke their heart? It's like being in a cooking show where you only see them make the food, but they never try it -> We want to see them dig in! In the same way, it feels like you're dancing around the central conflict of the poem, but you never get to it.

I would go back in and explain what this poem is about - because you've built a nice generic metaphor, but you haven't actually given it meaning yet. We have the figurative language, but just have to guess what the literal connection might be. Adding specificity to the conflict of your poem is really going to help readers connect with the speaker, which is really vital in poetry.

You also might take a second look at some of the unnecessary repetition and redundancy inthe poem. There were a few times that it felt like you said literally the same thing, three times. If you're going to use repetition, try to do it for emphasis or to add a new point or clue to the meaning!

Always continue to Write!

~alliyah

Hey Firerose! Katja here to review your work! Please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. And with that being said, onto the review!

Interpretation & Overall Opinion

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but your poem seems to be about "the walls of the heart" falling down and ending up with a broken heart, seemingly alluding to letting one's guard down and getting hurt as a result. I love that this is relatable and mostly everyone will have gone through an experience like this, not that that is a good thing. However, your poem accurately touches on this subject. I love the comparison as being told as "the walls of the heart" crumbling.

Overall I loved your poem, it was well-written and touched on the subject of heartbreak well, without being cheesy as with many over-used topics (ex. love, heartbreak, etc). You did a good job<3

Silently and sadly, I resolve to build them up again,

Storing in them the lessons I have learned,

Alas! For it comes again, and struggle begins all over again.

"For it comes once more and the struggle begins all over again"

Someday we all have or will experience it,

Maybe once, Maybe twice,

The falling of the walls around my heart.

Actually relatable.
The falls in life do cause aches in the mind and the soul is broken, but struggle to keep it together is something that is what counts.
The poem is beautifully executed and the emotions are portrayed excellently.
Keep it up and keep flourishing.

this piece was beautiful and very overwhelming but in a good way. I could see you or whomever this poem is about trying to keep their hearts walls from falling down.


-----here are some quotes that I found that could go with your poem or just you in general -----

If you're a true warrior, competition doesn't scare you. It makes you better. -Andrew Whitworth

Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out.- Jenn Proske

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. - Max Muller

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. -Martin Luther King, Jr.