This is my poem to you,
it can be a special song too.
This goes to you and your crew,
happy birthday to you!
I hope you have a great day,
I hope it's not gray!
There is something I need to address,
happy birthday YWS!
We love you so great,
and we will never hate.
There is something I need to say,
happy birthday today!
HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY YWS!
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139,340 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
I don't like this for the following reasons.
The first question is why. Why did you make this? It's supposed to be an endearing birthday poem but the rhyming reminds me of Dr. Seuss. It doesn't work well since Dr. Seuss is aimed at kids, yet you're aiming at an audience of young adults. You aren't doing a good job at impressing adults, because this seems like you wrote this for the sake of writing it, or getting likes. Likes aren't good. Growing as a writer is. Grow as a writer. Please.
thanks.
Great rhyming!
It has beat in it! that's what i loved most about it..
and i didn't know, it was YWS's birthday.. happy b'day to all the crew for crating such a friendly and wonderful environment for young writers.
and you Unknown, it was an innovative idea to write a rhyme for someone to wish on their b'days!
it was a good read! have a nice day!
YWS' birthday isn't until the 14th, but you're welcome, on behalf of staff!
I know,I just wanted to edit this in the contest.
I didn't knew it was YWS birthday. Happy Birthday to the crew. And you a beautiful song or poetry. Great!!
Hello Unknown,
Unlike a few readers I actually quite enjoyed this poem; there are some problems with it here and there but we will get to that later! First of all I love how you have made this short, sweet and understandable. What most poets don't realise is that a poem does not have to have an extended metaphor or need a whole load of different poetry techniques thrown in there. I feel that if you changed the thing so it was full of hidden messages then the overall meaning of the poem would be lost. I like how you kept a simple rhyming scheme of aa bb cc etc... as this gives it more of a song type attitude to the poem. However, I do think that you should change the rhyme on the second couplet as it is a little bit unsettled compared to the rest of the poem. (Try not to do you, too and then crew,you) I think that you should change I hope it's not grey to I hope It's not too grey to give it more flow.
Thats all from me,
Godly
Well.
I see a little... error? In your rhyme, if I got it down. aabccdeffgg.. Uh, you have some not-rhyming words there.
-peace out-
Was it lines 7 and 8? If so, then listen to the s sounds on YWS and address.
Also, crew.
! It is crew and you.
What a strange rhyming scheme.
It's a simple rhyming scheme of aa bb cc dd ect...
Whatever.
It's just strange because it's a sounding rhyme, not a reading rhyme.
I've written poetry myself, even if I didn't catch it, I know a thing or two about poetry.
I utilize both. "Does this rhyme with this?" *sounds out loud* "Darn, it does" *add it*
Of course, it would count as a cop out
I utilize both. "Does this rhyme with this?" *sounds out loud* "Darn, it does" *add it*
Of course, it would count as a cop out
Yeah, but generally I just read stuff, I don't sound it out. I imagine I was deaf or something XD.
I always go for rhymes like "rain" "pain" not "you" "crew'
Hey Unknown! Strangelove here and I have some proper clarifying to do, also to review this work, of course.
As you know, I said "meh" as my initial reaction to this work. You may be thinking that I had the same reaction as the person below, but that's not the case. Sure, I'm not the biggest fan of this poem, but I don't necessarily hate it or give it two thumbs down. The reason why I won't give it two thumbs down is that it isn't the worst (or even that bad), also I don't do the thumbs rating, because I'm not that generic.
I love this site with all my heart. Young Writers' Society is great. Thing is, other people see it too. You obviously see it, which is great. That's when my least favorite poems pop up (OMG YWS IS SOO GREAT LETS RIGHT A POEM ABOUT IT Y'ALL). You aren't annoying, like some other people who do that, but it still falls under that category. Giving to that, this is simple. Simple to the point where it becomes cheesy. It just fell flat for me. Like TheWriter13 said, this can be improved.
I may love the site, yes, but I don't love the poem
Good day
Actually I quite like this poem
I suggest not being so harsh? Yes, this poem could definitely be worked on, but there was no need for this kind of word choice. We're all here to support and respect one another while helping to improve writers. Not bash them
If you're going to be rude to someone, at least have the decency to avoid language on a place they aren't allowed. You may think this work isn't the best, but that isn't the way to encourage a writer to do better.
*likes work*
Look at my previous poems if you want more then.
unknown. HI!
Hi!
I was tempted to review but said "Nah, that'd be ridiculous..." :'D
Happy birthday YWS!
meh
hater
"hater"