Hey Rhia ^^
So, this poem is cute in a way. I read it as a light hearted romance, or a treatise on relationships where you have the image of the string and the unraveling of a single person, and the re-tying of (two) people together. I'm not quite sure what to make of the tone, there seems to be a warmth/fondness to it: never let go, and at the same time a cold/darkness to it: snip a bit & tie it about my neck"
The speaker emphasizes "you" a lot, which seems to me that the "you" is ultimately in control of the relationship. The falling apart in your hands can be viewed in that dark tone like: because of you I am crumbling, or it can be viewed in a warm tone like what you have in the beginning: "my falling apart holds us somehow" where negative experiences can connect people.
I would've liked more concrete examples and scenes, but as it is, it's a small glimpse into an interesting relationship.
Some of the technical things:
fumble - just a strange word in this context. A person fumbles a ball, or you fumble through a purse or something, but to fumble at someone's waist...? Eh, I mean, I guess I'll buy it, maybe the person is a bad ballroom dancer? But then no where does it mention dancing. And then fumble against(?) something, that is, in opposition to it, just awkward phrasings.
a loose thread to tug
maybe say: a loose thread to tug at, so it's not left hanging.
about our hands so
around* instead of about? Just so you get the exactness of the word. About is more vague.
somehow, together
no comma needed here, or in the previous line! Though, you can use a comma after this line:
my falling apart holds us somehow together, / so snip a bit
That's all I have to say. Great job!
~ as always, Audy
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