I'll start by saying that i'm no poetry expert but I've singled out the lines that made me stop dead. Overall it's a mixture of strange word choices. The rest of the poem seems solid and has good strong imagery.
" I watch
a thousand brilliant robins wheel up" Odd word usage, I don't know if "wheel up" is regional or not but it made me stop dead.
"settling as a cloak" Same here.
" to light upwards at once" Likewise
" I realize with many qualms" This phrasing seems a little awkward.
Points: 1384
Reviews: 12
Donate