I Am From...
I am from peanut butter and bacon grease
and the old wooden tree house.
I am from the neighbors driveway,
hot and sticky in the summer heat,
the ant sized pebbles,
burning my feet as I run.
I am from the caramel apples,
the pumpkin fields and crisp winds that tasted like moist leaves,
from the Letchworth Gorge in fall.
I am from the Adirondack mountains,
and “Buffalo Soldier”,
from poker chips and the Utica hospital.
I'm from a path through the lilacs,
and afternoon serenity,
from the stench of fried dough and narrow crowds of many people.
I'm from the kingdom of God,
and the dove of Noah,
from “Great men are not always wise”,
and the precarious and narrow path.
I'm from Inkheart and Eragon,
dusty pages and fresh new words,
from my heart that prays for the children in Rehema Home,
and my best friends that live inside my head.
In the darkness of my bookshelves,
lies the one thats in my heart,
and always there for me to read,
there for me to laugh and cry.
I am from the long past moments,
trapped within my mind,
Frozen inside a single pale moon.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey Emmy!
Gah, I love the imagery that you use! I am kind of addicted to bacon, so for you to use that as a sort of opening just made m really happy!
The one thing that I would suggest you do is tie up the stanzas a bit more... right now, they seem really disorderly together! This is all right, but there's nothing to tie them up completely, so it's a bit odd. The only thing that ties them up is the repeated line "I am from..." but I think that the repetition doesn't really work. So get rid of that line and see if you can find any way to combine the images together. Be creative! It'll be a lot better, honest.
So yeah. Really, there's not much to review. I liked it. But...I didn't really...know what it was about? It was just heaps of things thrown together, but I still liked the nice feel it had. Good job!