To Cheat Death

I was captured in the first verse. It really made me think how completely accurate that is. It made me feel, a little bit sad, but it's perfect for the poem. Simply, I love it!

Now, "to die is to live"
Here, I understand what you are trying to say and all, but to gives the reader a little confusion momentarily.

I love the next verse! Many people, I'm seeing myself as one, could relate to this and their loved ones who have passed away. I really like that perfect, because I believe it's very true.

I love the sort of 'directions' to Heaven in this verse. I sense a little playfulness an it made me smile.

"to die is to live" strikes again!! XD I like it this time.

I love the way you end this with a true question. If we cannot cheat death, is it even possible that we have lived? That's what I receive from it. I think it leaves people with a question, and it leaves a good impression in the reader's mind.


So, I though Wondergirl59's way on reviewing this was a good idea, so I turned it into my own a bit! Hope she doesn't mind!


GREAT JOB!!!

Death is such
a one-sided argument.
We have no say,
no choice in when to go.

To live is to die
and to die is to live. This was okay, but kind of an "mmmmm?" moment.

When one is gone
their lives carry on
throughout the legacy
they left here
on Earth. I think you should reword this stanza.

And when one dies,
they have only gone home. I really like this part.

Home to Heaven.
(Down a block from Alpha and Omega
and to the left towards Christianity)

What can we do to cheat death?
Is it even possible?

The answer sleeps
on the edge of insanity,
the horizon of the mind.

Think...

To live is to die
and to die is to live.

What then would happen
if we had the chance
to never, ever die? Maybe reward this too?

Would we then never live
as well? Like this last line.

I love your poem. It is clean and well presented.

I loved these lines:
"(Down a block from Alpha and Omega
and to the left towards Christianity)"

The humor and quirkiness of the image was well placed.

I absolutely love the subject. It kind of serves as an argument against the before mentioned "heaven" and immortality. Because death defines life. And therefore gives it value. Having immortality makes life worthless, like an inflated dollar.

Anyway great poem, very thoughtful. A little more poetic aspects would be cool but keep at it.

This was really well put together. The concept of living is dying and dying is living is very true. Kudos to you for a wonderful story.

It's an interesting idea, however the poem is very cliche. It flows nicely and the ending is very intriguing, however the beginning is very overused in ideas about death. It also is very repetitive and a few times I found myself saying, "I get it already!" I didn't enjoy it that much because of that. I would however work on the cliches and find a different way to say it.

Death is such
a one-sided argument.
We have no say,
no choice in when to go.

To live is to die
and to die is to live. Cliche.

When one is gone
their lives carry on
throughout the legacy
they left here
on Earth.

And when one dies,
they have only gone home.

Home to Heaven.
(Down a block from Alpha and Omega
and to the left towards Christianity)

What can we do to cheat death?
Is it even possible?

The answer sleeps
on the edge of insanity,
the horizon of the mind.

Think...

To live is to die
and to die is to live.

What then would happen
if we had the chance
to never, ever die?

Would we then never live
as well? Nice

I like this poem a lot. I would take Kafka's advice and notes into account. You don't have to follow all of them because some of them are opinion as all reviews tend to be. I think that you have a strong idea here that could be bettered and improved. If it were my poem, I would delete the whole first stanza. I don't mind it, but I think the first stanza slows it down and keeps it from its natural flow. Okay, so overall I do like the idea and where this could eventually be, but for now I think that it is no where near your potential. I would revise and revisit this idea again. Maybe a new flow and rhyme scheme could pick it up. If you need any help, feel free to PM me.

Tommybear

emmylou1995 wrote:Death is such a one-sided argument. Death is an argument?
We have no say, no choice in when to die. You don't have to tell me things I already know.
If at all one lives, then one shall as well die, Whoa. Wording's really weird here. Also, both of these last two lines end with "die," so it sounds odd.
as all living things must.

To live is to die, and to die is to live.

When one is gone, they are never truly gone, Just like how this table is a table, but it's not a table. Guess what? This doesn't work.
l just living in Utopia, Heaven. Huh?
(Down a block from Alpha and Omega and to the left towards Christianity)

Though, when one passes away,
for them it is finally judgement day. Now there's a rhyme scheme?

What to do? This is what people say when they're bored. Doesn't fit.
What can we do to cheat death?
Is it possible, can it be? "Can it be" sounds pretty lame.

The answer sleeps on the edge of insanity, Looong.
the horizon of the mind.

Think...

To live is to die, and to die is to live.

What then would happen if we were never to die? Reword this.
Would we then never live as well?