I'm All Your Living For
I don't know what to say,
And I don't know what to do,
And I don't know how to get it across,
That I'm in love with you.
Every moment that I'm near you,
In the morning when school starts,
Every time I see your eyes,
I begin to fall apart.
'Cause there will never be an “Us”,
Now my pain is an overflow,
'Cause my friend went and asked you,
If you liked me...you said no.
Always when you smile,
I feel the need to weep.
And always when I'm in my bed,
I cry myself to sleep.
All because I want you,
Our faces are a lunar eclipse,
All because I wish I could,
Kiss you on your lips.
I watch you close and quiet
Your handsomeness so sublime,
I'm captured by your presence,
day after day, time after time.
I need your arms around me,
I need to feel your hair,
without you close and within reach,
My life feels so agonizingly bare.
I am drawn to you,
And I wish you were to me,
I glance up at the stars,
And pray for you to be...
My heart belongs to you,
Even if you may not know it,
I can tell you one thing,
It's that life is a battle of wit.
Sometimes you battle the whole wide world,
And sometimes you battle yourself inside,
For me alone...I battle fate,
and trust it will provide.
Someday soon you'll realize,
It's me your living for,
'Cause there's nothing else in life,
Except this open door.
So step right through...
Take a chance with me...
Be yourself...
And don't you risk a backwards glance...
'Cause I'm all you're living for.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,514 Reviews
I really like "lunar eclipse" part - whereas the rest of your poem speaks on a common topic, this is an interesting and more uncommon metaphor that helps set this poem apart from the rest.
Just one little thing though about punctuation though... sometimes you use commas at the end of a line when it isn't strictly necessary. For example, in the above stanza, the comma at the end of "All because I wish I could," isn't needed. A good way to check whether or not to use a comma is to combine the line in question with the following line to make a sentence: "All because I wish I could kiss you on your lips." No comma needed in that sentence, right?
Overall, your poem has a great feel and is quite well written. Hope this helps, and keep up the good work!
Even if this is a topic written on often, I like it and love the way it's written. My favourite stanza is :
Because the beginning of the poem seems to be leading to something good and cute but actually leads to something heart-breaking and like you crash back to ground after having flown high...
The line that doesn't quite fit in its stanza is: because the word "agonizingly" has too many syllables to fit in.
Apart from that, it's really nice!
I really liked this although it seemed a bit cliche and the idea wasn't new or original by any means.
Girl sees Boy, Girl likes Boy, Boy doesn't like Girl. Girl is depressed.
Anyways, that aside.....
"Sometimes you battle the whole wide world,And sometimes you battle yourself inside, For me alone...I battle fate,and trust it will provide."
"So step right through...Take a chance with me...Be yourself...And don't you risk a backwards glance...'Cause I'm all you're living for."
....these are my two favorite parts. I thought they were moving and beautifully written. Nice job overall
-day