This poem is about a girl who gets put into jail for her religious beliefs.
Heaven Shunned
Slender beams of moonlight enter
this darkened prison as I kneel,
always cold, always lost,
frozen here,
waiting.
Robed forms wrought in panes of glass loom
as dust dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
sparing not my shamed soul.
Tears on a clock's face.
I raise my head, now kneeling before
this uncaring reality.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
i. loved. it.
it gave me a spooky, depressed vibe- simply beautiful . the way you put it into words are indescribable, keep up the good work!
i would not change anything in this poem- it's flawless (:
This is absolutely magnificent, in my opinion.
I'm a big fan of the imagery you use. Definitely keep it up! Your word choice is definitely skillful.
When the story was explained in the first line, I kind of had one of those "oh boy here we go" kind of thoughts running through my head, but any doubts of your ability were quickly proved false. The delivery was definitely excellent.
I'd love to read more!
~Ive Got My Words
I agree this poem is great. I would not have changed anything about it either except for one line.
"Robed forms wrought in panes of glass loom as"
I would change that line, because it seems to change the flow of the poem a little bit, but not by much to me. Your choice, but wither way this poem is really great.
Sorry, the h was a typo. I'll fix it.
Oh I love this! It is very beautiful and sad. I have absolutely no criticism and no suggestions because I wouldn't change anything about it. I love all the imagery and feeling you get while reading it. It's awesome!
Oh! the only thing that did bother me was that in the title, the h in shunned is capitalized. Did you mean it to be capitalized for a reason, or was it a typo?
-Emily