The mirror is,
shattered,
into many,
pieces.
Each shard is like,
a memory,
lost beneath the,
pain.
Like a petal of a,
rose,
that lands upon,
a candle.
Though all seems,
lost,
it is not,
for hope resides,
in every,
shard,
of the broken glass.
Each one fits,
unto another,
ready,
to be glued,
back,
as one.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Ok, you do NOT need those comas... When you are putting a coma in your wrote read though it and when you see a coma, you pause briefly, if the pause seems unnaturl, take it out...
Those are all of the comas that dont fit...
I agree with the way kingolions says it should be strucsred, it will make the poem easier to read and flow better...
Over all, the poem is great! Shows pain and loss and then shows that there is still hope, even for a broken mirror. I like it, great job!
Hope I helped,
~Rain~
That was truly amazing.
You don't need a comma at the end of each line, because that throws the flow off.
Other then that, the imagery was strong and beautiful, as was the emotion.
Hey. I thought it was really good, except for the structure. It was meaningful and it had really good imagery, but I think it should be more structured like this.
The mirror is shattered,
into many pieces.
Each shard is like a memory,
lost beneath the pain,
like a petal of a rose,
that lands upon a candle.
Though all seems lost,
it is not,
for hope resides,
in every shard,
of the broken glass.
Each one fits unto another,
ready to be glued back as one.
I think it is just better read this way, but that is just what I think. Everyone has a different view on what can be done. This was really good. Keep writing.
I recently wrote a tanka using this exact metaphor, but with the exact opposite outlook, haha.
Just thought that was kind of funny.
All mended mirrors
Never rid of all the cracks.
Some things are just gone
Too far down the broken road
To be mended all the way.
Overall, I think that your piece could be condensed a bit, not in material, but rather in structure. It's really spread out, and because of the odd spacing, the flow suffers. Otherwise, excellent piece. Beautiful imagery.
Hi,
This flows nicely and the imagery works well. I especially enjoyed the final sentence.
I'd cut the commas after each line as you are using them to create a pause which the line-breaks already create.
I think it would be interesting to try this again using just vivid images and not abstract concepts like hope and dull words like pain. Try suggesting the hope and pain through imagery, without mentioning them directly.
Hope this helps,
Jas
I loved this poem! While it is very simple, that in it of itself makes it easy to read, comprehend, and enjoy. I love the metaphors of the broken glass and rose petals and hope. Great job, and keep it up!