Red
Listening.
The setting sun,
a scarlet rose,
the leaves of autumn.
Thinking.
The stickiness of blood,
the scent of bacon,
a cynical laugh.
Philosophizing.
The memory of silence,
the stroke of a pastel...
...the determination of a brother.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,362 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
I definitely think this needs to be expanded on. Really we just don't even get a complete sense of what you're trying to say, but your lines and use of words are interesting, for sure. What are you trying to say with this poetry? Right now I get the mental images but don't find the connections. This needs to be brought together somehow, formed into a centered motive and idea.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
I agree with Tamara .. you need to make it longer to make a complete scene of the poem. it's good.... Keep up
I like the mental images the poem created and how you worded it, though maybe try making it a bit longer.