Who is he that sits and watches,
with quiet lips and broken eyelids?
Who is he that bares his teeth,
that curls his sickle round the necks?
Who is he that dares to try
and who is he that succeeds?
Who is he the one with silk,
that ties the knot before stringing the needle?
Who is he, the reincarnated shard,
of wine glasses overused but never held?
Who is he of Grimm's Fairy Tales,
the one who stalks the dusty pages?
Who is he of Shakespeare,
the echo of “If you prick us, do we not bleed?”
Who is he of God,
the forgotten one to left of the throne.
Who is he of the shadows,
the space between the bed and the wall?
Who is he of the world,
the pulse of the forest, the pull of the tides?
Who is he of the dirt,
who reaps but does not sow?
Who is he of the sky,
who flies but is afraid of heights?
Who is he of the heart,
that cherishes, that loves, that lives?
Who is he the question
and who is he the never ending answer?
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Hi there, EmmyLou.
You have some really great descriptions here. I love some of the things you do in the second lines of your short stanzas. They really give this poem life.
What I don't like is the question part. It would be much more effective if you made all the questions into statements. I want to get a picture of this person. I don't want to think about why he does these things, or why he is able to do them. I want to get a picture, then ask the questions myself. Who is he? should be the question the reader asks at the end, not the question the author is making the reader ask all throughout the poem. The questioning tone from this poem creates tension, almost as if the questions are so important to that one person that they become unimportant to others because of the obsessive quality. If you change the questions to statements, the tone of the poem would be improved.
The repetition of "who is he" at the beginning of every stanza might not be so bad if the stanzas were longer, but since the stanzas are so short, I would consider (if you don't decide to change the questions to statements) not using the repeated phrase as much.
That image is great. I love it. It's my favorite. The image is so small and close, yet so ominous when you really think about it. It really works.
I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy poeting!
really good, I really enjoyed this poem. The sense of mystery that surrounds it was very, very good. It's not easy to convey something so intangible through the medium of words. Somehow you did it, however, and I applaud you. You seem to really understand the balance of simplicity and emptiness, contrasting the crowded, overpowering feel that fervent imagery often creates. So nice job.
I really enjoy this poem because its very relatable. In today's society there are so many unanswered questions and I feel that this conveys a revelation of sorts and for that I aplaud you. I love what you did in your description of this poem it intrigued me I might consider adding it in the begging of your poem. Over all this is very well written and the last lines conclude your writing well. Congratulations on the fruits of your labore!
Oh. My. Goodness. This is an excellent poem my friend! Where in the world did this come from? I am not easily astonished or so quickly moved by a poem. You leave such excitement and interest by the end of the poem, which is most certainly not easy to do! I have only a single piece of criteria, which is so small against the beautiful backdrop.
"the forgotten one to (the) left of the throne."
Other than that, I believe you did excellent. Great spelling, awesome punctuation, amazing style. Not over-done. There is very little to not like about it!
I certainly hope to read more of your things!
The Little Storm Writer, GG