when I speak of chickens
would it bother you
if I described how soft their flesh felt
in my mouth or how satisfying it was to
tear at their skin with my teeth?
or would you only hear the soft sound of
clucking echo in my words
and dream of feathers
lost in the wind
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Oh my goodness Snoink, did you know that ChatGPT can be used to critique poetry? I tested your poem on it:
OMG. That is... actually surprisingly good??? Though, like, I intended to be off-putting and jarring, because IMPACT. But for an AI... oh man, that's kind of creepy, lol.
...maybe I should have it review my story.
On another note, we should have an AI review bot on YWS to take care of the things that are permanently stuck in the green room, LOL.
Lol, I actually tested that out by trying to get it to review a chapter that was a 10 minute read. Might need to just refine the prompt I was using, but I couldn't get it to review the chapter. Instead, it kept just continuing the work.
Although, that was kind of impressive in and of itself. It continued with the basic themes, storyline, and even dialogue. In the case of the chapter I used, the generated response was more interesting too...!
... okay, now I am sort of wondering how it would continue my story...
(this is really cool)
Hi there! Green here for a quick review
I really like the way that the first stanza sounds when read aloud.
The alliteration and plosive sound of the 'f's in this part:
really help with the idea and imagery of eating a piece of chicken, as the way the sounds form in your mouth almost feel like chewing into something soft and tender like chicken.
This part sounds equally as good, with the beginning 't' sound and the plosive nature of the verbs 'skin' and 'teeth' really make the words sound like you are tearing into the chicken. I hope I explained what I mean well enough here aha.
The second stanza shifts focus to a more gentle, innocent idea of chickens and contrasts it with the visceral reality presented in the first stanza. The image of the "soft sound of clucking" and the "dream of feathers lost in the wind" are beautiful and peaceful contrasts to the earlier description of tearing at chicken skin. This creates a duality within the poem and invites the reader to reflect on their own perceptions of chickens and the complex relationship between humans and animals.
The poem's clear structure, divided between the two sections, does contribute to the impact on the reader. The use of rhetorical questions in the first stanza is also an effective tool for engaging the reader and guiding them through the poem's different sensory experiences.
Yay, thank you for the review! I am glad that you enjoyed the duality of the look on chickens... we're looking at getting chickens, and I feel torn between these two things, lol.
I loved this! I don't totally understand what's with this website and chickens since im new, but if its births great poems like this then I love it! From what I understood from this poem is that the character/one speaking was eating the chickens alive or at least without proper skinning and cooking. Which is really fun to read and hear a poem about.
You did a great job in phrasing a question into a poem smoothly! The second part is really good as well with the question of or would you rather? Then go into dreaming and thinking about what you were describing in the beginning.
The lines, "how soft their flesh felt" really sets up the feel of the poem. It really creates a feeling of disgust and intrigue. Same with the line "Tear at their skin with my teeth."
The idea of your words carrying the last echo's spoken by the chickens you eat is a great line and thought.
Same with "Dream of feathers lost in the wind." Putting the thought that the one hearing this would start dreaming or thinking about you eating them is really fun to think about!
The only thing I might have done differently is some of the transitioning ends of lines. For instance, "or would you..." Or is a rather rough word, so starting out with it can be a bit hard to make it flow through the poem. Perhaps you could change it into "Perhaps would you..." Perhaps is a bit more easy on the tongue in my opinion.
Overall a great poem and a fun read! Sorry I don't have too much to say or critique but I still hope I could give you some ideas of what you do good!
Nooooo, lol! Nobody is eating chickens alive, haha. But you do eat their flesh when you eat chicken and their skin does get crispy when you cook it... I dunno, haha. But thanks for the review!