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Young Writers Society

when I speak of chickens

by Snoink

when I speak of chickens

would it bother you 

if I described how soft their flesh felt

in my mouth or how satisfying it was to 

tear at their skin with my teeth?

or would you only hear the soft sound of

clucking echo in my words

and dream of feathers 

lost in the wind

Is this a review?



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425 Reviews

Points: 11417
Reviews: 425

Fri Feb 10, 2023 7:32 am
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Nate says...

Oh my goodness Snoink, did you know that ChatGPT can be used to critique poetry? I tested your poem on it:

ChatGPT3 wrote:The poem raises some interesting questions and has a unique perspective, exploring the discrepancy between the perception of chickens as gentle creatures and the reality of consuming them. The use of imagery, such as "soft flesh" and "tear at their skin," is impactful and provides a visceral understanding of the topic being addressed.

However, the poem's language and tone can be off-putting and jarring, particularly in the explicit description of eating chickens. The poem could benefit from further development to provide a more nuanced exploration of the topic and to create a clearer connection between the questions being raised and the themes being explored. Additionally, the poem's structure is somewhat fragmented, which detracts from its overall impact.

Overall, the poem has potential, but it would benefit from further refinement to create a more powerful and thought-provoking work.

Snoink says...

OMG. That is... actually surprisingly good??? Though, like, I intended to be off-putting and jarring, because IMPACT. But for an AI... oh man, that's kind of creepy, lol.

...maybe I should have it review my story.

Snoink says...

On another note, we should have an AI review bot on YWS to take care of the things that are permanently stuck in the green room, LOL.

Nate says...

Lol, I actually tested that out by trying to get it to review a chapter that was a 10 minute read. Might need to just refine the prompt I was using, but I couldn't get it to review the chapter. Instead, it kept just continuing the work.

Although, that was kind of impressive in and of itself. It continued with the basic themes, storyline, and even dialogue. In the case of the chapter I used, the generated response was more interesting too...!

Snoink says...

... okay, now I am sort of wondering how it would continue my story...

alliyah says...

(this is really cool)

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235 Reviews

Points: 6841
Reviews: 235

Wed Feb 08, 2023 7:52 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...

Hi there! Green here for a quick review :-)

I really like the way that the first stanza sounds when read aloud.

The alliteration and plosive sound of the 'f's in this part:

how their soft flesh felt

really help with the idea and imagery of eating a piece of chicken, as the way the sounds form in your mouth almost feel like chewing into something soft and tender like chicken.

tear at their skin with my teeth?

This part sounds equally as good, with the beginning 't' sound and the plosive nature of the verbs 'skin' and 'teeth' really make the words sound like you are tearing into the chicken. I hope I explained what I mean well enough here aha.

The second stanza shifts focus to a more gentle, innocent idea of chickens and contrasts it with the visceral reality presented in the first stanza. The image of the "soft sound of clucking" and the "dream of feathers lost in the wind" are beautiful and peaceful contrasts to the earlier description of tearing at chicken skin. This creates a duality within the poem and invites the reader to reflect on their own perceptions of chickens and the complex relationship between humans and animals.

The poem's clear structure, divided between the two sections, does contribute to the impact on the reader. The use of rhetorical questions in the first stanza is also an effective tool for engaging the reader and guiding them through the poem's different sensory experiences.

Snoink says...

Yay, thank you for the review! I am glad that you enjoyed the duality of the look on chickens... we're looking at getting chickens, and I feel torn between these two things, lol.

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20 Reviews

Points: 138
Reviews: 20

Sun Feb 05, 2023 5:23 am
RavenNaal wrote a review...

I loved this! I don't totally understand what's with this website and chickens since im new, but if its births great poems like this then I love it! From what I understood from this poem is that the character/one speaking was eating the chickens alive or at least without proper skinning and cooking. Which is really fun to read and hear a poem about.

You did a great job in phrasing a question into a poem smoothly! The second part is really good as well with the question of or would you rather? Then go into dreaming and thinking about what you were describing in the beginning.

The lines, "how soft their flesh felt" really sets up the feel of the poem. It really creates a feeling of disgust and intrigue. Same with the line "Tear at their skin with my teeth."
The idea of your words carrying the last echo's spoken by the chickens you eat is a great line and thought.

Same with "Dream of feathers lost in the wind." Putting the thought that the one hearing this would start dreaming or thinking about you eating them is really fun to think about!

The only thing I might have done differently is some of the transitioning ends of lines. For instance, "or would you..." Or is a rather rough word, so starting out with it can be a bit hard to make it flow through the poem. Perhaps you could change it into "Perhaps would you..." Perhaps is a bit more easy on the tongue in my opinion.

Overall a great poem and a fun read! Sorry I don't have too much to say or critique but I still hope I could give you some ideas of what you do good!

Snoink says...

Nooooo, lol! Nobody is eating chickens alive, haha. But you do eat their flesh when you eat chicken and their skin does get crispy when you cook it... I dunno, haha. But thanks for the review! :)

We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart