Young Writers Society

It felt like the cadence (*smiles* sorry, that has a funny connotation for me) of the poem was a little off, like there was an extra beat in one line, a misstep in another. I liked how you tried to stick with Break my legs, like a little lamb and Just hold me in your gentle hands, but there were times when it felt like you were just putting it in there to keep the pattern. I'm not much of a poet, but I hope this helps!

Nicely done! But there's just a certain ring about it that seems to not fit together quite right. And a couple of the phrases I don't really understand what you're trying to state. But I like the way you phrased it and the wording as well. It's a very deep and touching piece of work. Great job and hope you have an awesome day!

I don't believe in techniques too much so I won't pester you if you don't follow all the rules; in the end its just a poem.

Break my legs, like a little lamb,
if ever I dare to leave your light --
Just hold me in your gentle hands

How quick to evil am I to plan
And even quicker do I turn to flight --
Break my legs, like a little lamb!

Too long have I been among the damned
And my heart fears everlasting night --
Just hold me in your gentle hands.

My evil is clear, I shall fear no remand --
How could I pretend that I was ever right?
Break my legs, like a little lamb.

But don't be too harsh, Lord, I can barely stand.
Can you not see that my heart is contrite?
Just hold me in your gentle hands!

I shall carry my cross to your holy land
And please, if you I ever should dare to fight:
Break my legs, like a little lamb;
Just hold me in your gentle hands.

villanelle LD, good job. I might review it soon

Hi Snoink,here is Dark to give review on your poem.

I love this poem so much!The words you use are enough to make me unnerved. I mean, it really touched my heart.It's pretty easy to understand and which there is an element of repetition in the poem used as an emphasis on the theme of the poem.

#Break my legs, like a little lamb;
Just hold me in your gentle hands. -->This meant so much to me.

I can feel the deep emotions here that makes this poem special. Not just praise God, but admits our own weaknesses.

Overall,you have such an amazing poem here!Good job-kudos!
Cheers,
~Dark