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alternative history OR how the wooden horse never came to be

by Snoink


Her lips parted and
in Menelaus' ear
she whispered:
"We'll always have Paris."

She was promptly shot at dawn.


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Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:53 am
mikepyro says...



Id forgotten how much I loved your humor in the almost 2 years I've been away.
Simple, sweet, and deliciously silly.

It's hard to make flash fiction comedy really work but you manage it with pizaze (can't spell that damn word)




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Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:20 am
Snoink says...



Well, it was posted in the poetry forums, to be completely fair. :)

And it does deal with history! Look up "Menelaus." ;)




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Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:15 am
CaptianRandom wrote a review...



Hey Snoink, Captian Random here,

i really thought this was history not poetry, like no offence, it was to short, and not any feel in it, but you did allow space in the writing, but that wouldn't have mattered because it was to short. Over all i didn't like it, sorry if i was a little harsh.

-CaptianRandom




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Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:00 am
Adnamarine wrote a review...



Sorry to dredge this up, but I was reading Via's exceptional poetry, and I had to say something about this...
Being as absolutely in love with the whole story of Troy, everything about it, this was just great:)
You truly are utterly awesome!
So hysterical...

*adna*




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Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:48 pm
sabradan says...



All I can really say on this, Snoink, m'dear, is that this was HILARIOUS. My only real critique is maybe instead of saying "she promptly shot at dawn" SHOW us she was promptly shot at dawn?




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Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:08 pm
fusion_7 says...



I love this. It's so economical and yet so funny.

Not much to crit, then.




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Sat Jul 21, 2007 1:21 pm
M.B.Author wrote a review...



ok...

#1.

I did not do research (it's summer. I am staying away from books!).
So I guess that is why I have no idea what is being told in this poem!

:?: Sorry, I don't get this. Anyway.....keep up the good work.

-- M.B.Author




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Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:08 pm
Twit wrote a review...



Funny, but very abrupt. The title goes well with it, but aparently the "We'll always have Paris" is from a Bogart film which I have not seen, so cannot appreciate. :)




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Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:44 pm
Lynlyn wrote a review...



This is amazing.

If you printed this on a shirt, I would wear it.
(And, probably, so would a thousand other people at the large Classical-culture-geekfest I'm going to in two weeks.)

I like the "promptly shot" order of the last line - that way, the impact comes later, and thus there is a bigger effect.




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Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:24 am
Insomnia wrote a review...



Hey, Snoink. Good to see yws back up! :D Anyway, I just found this experimenting to see if portfolios worked. :o And they do! :D

I loved it, and oddly enough, I was reading stuff about this earlier. Yes, I am odd enough to have big books of that lol.

Everyone else was right: once you made the connection, it was hard not to laugh. :)

Anyway, I'd better go now. See you.




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Sat Jun 30, 2007 2:06 am
Leja wrote a review...



The adjective in the last line seemed a little out of place, as it's the only one hanging around. In something so short, it makes it seem almost word-y to me :D But then again, I kinda like it. It's the only word that you really don't need (other than "always", I suppose) so it seems to make itself and what's around it kinda special.

I like it.




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Fri Jun 29, 2007 9:40 pm
Shriek says...



i would suggest moving the "and" from the end of line one to the end of line two.

"Her lips parted
in Menelaus' ear and
she whispered:
"We'll always have Paris."

She was promptly shot at dawn."




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Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:00 am
Meshugenah says...



'Rina, you are my hero. I envy your wit, and I want to steal it over burgers and chocolate shakes. Here's to it!

And puns make the world go 'round.

Amen.


(no, no actual crit, just praise)




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Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:37 am
Areida wrote a review...



Hahahaha, Snoink, you are the greatest. As Sam once said to me, your work "is so literally 'shut up'."

To repeat Imp, brevity truly is the soul of wit, and I am once again reminded that you have a wit I would kill for. I love Homer, I love Troy, I love Casablanca and Bogie and yes, my Snoinkus... I love you!

:mrgreen:




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:39 pm
sanguine_dreams says...



Ha, that is really clever. I should show this to my mom and dad; they're all about that stuff.




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:04 pm
Rydia says...



I do wish it was a little longer but I like your abrupt tone and the surprise ending. I was expecting an alternative ending but not like that! Well written and effective so well done.




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:12 am
whence wrote a review...



This took me a bit of thought-- and I like that. I can't truly appreciate the Casablanca quote, never having seen the movie myself. However, the true wonder in this is its amazing freshness; its witty, and extremely potent. Poems this short normally can't stand up well, but you packed enough into each line to justify it completely. After that thinking period, I enjoyed this immensely. Many a kudo.
~Ed




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:06 am
luna_the_shiekah says...



It took me a moment but I read the title and it hit me. "Troy!" I'm far too lazy to make research but I got the jist of it.

The Casablanca line is lovely, I do so love that movie. And the pun is a nice touch. Kudos Snoinkus!




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:49 am
Poor Imp wrote a review...



Snoink wrote:Her lips parted and
in Menelaus' ear
she whispered:
"We'll always have Paris."

She was promptly shot at dawn.



Ha, Snoink. ^_^ 'Tis brevity and its soul is wit, yes? ^_~ I enjoyed it.


Only suggestion:
She was shot promptly at dawn.


It's such an abrupt end, I rather think it might be better for being more abrupt - which shifting the action ahead of the adverb would do, both in structure and meter... But then, it's lighter as you have it.

Whichever you like, in the end.





IMP




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:07 am
Skye wrote a review...



Snoink, you are my new hero. Fantastic! Well-thought out, and witty to perfection.

Perhaps for the title?

Alternative History: How the Wooden Horse Never Came to Be


Seems a little cleaner, no?

Nevertheless, I love this to pieces.




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Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:58 am
Kit wrote a review...



Oh come on, you guys don't know Hellen of Troy? And since when has classical allusions made a poem invalid, back in the day that's all the poetry people wrote. AD Hope's word drips with classical in jokes, and imagine a world without Sappho's lyrical take on these same legends.

I thought it was hilarious, Snoink, and brevity heightened your wit.




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Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:24 pm
Layleun says...



Well, like Clau said, it doesn't make sense to stupid people like myself. I don't get it, to me it just looks like a quote =( Lo siento




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Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:19 pm
Emerson wrote a review...



Took a wee bit of research on my part. [Menelaus]

I liked the play on the quote, "We'll always have Paris." You Bogart fan ;-)


It ended too abruptly, IMO, and it doesn't really "work" unless you read up on it. Even I don't remember that stuff, and I knew the story before I read it... It's just hard to recall the names.

Intriguing, none the less.

EDIT: I tend not to read titles, but I just did read yours. Actually, I read them, but I tend not to process them? I don't know, unlike some people, titles don't affect me until after I've read the whole thing, as with this. The title explains it, and it fits! Bravo *Clap*





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