Young Writers Society

This poem is good and powerful! Sorry if my skills for criticizing aren't really good. I barely review another person's work with lots of words, like I almost everyone here does. Anyways, I just need to review so that I can save up points, no offense. But, I really liked this piece.

Here's the only thing I noticed that seemed wrong:

Snoink wrote:
Standing there with your feet to the floor

The first stanza felt strong, like a critisizing instructor of some sort, but after that...

"as it digs ever-deeper into your chest.



Are you afraid of the first step?"


I feel like this is phrased... weakly? You have such a visual sense of everything in this poem, and then, in this mushy middle, you switch to inner emotions. I don't knowww.


"The ballroom is clear, the lights are on, and we,

we are waiting. "

Too much like an encouraging parent right there, in my opinion.

But I LOVE the ending. Fierce. Just make the entire thing fierce.

I really liked it, thought it was very expressive and very interesting. you should write more

Hey, Snoink! :] I'ma review your piece now.

Whoever taught you how to dance?
Your posture is a disgrace!

Standing there with your feet to the floor
you might be a statue with clammy hands
(and a rose in your teeth)

waiting, waiting for the music to start
and overpower the throbbing of your nervous heart
as it digs ever-deeper into your chest.

Are you afraid of the first step?

The ballroom is clear, the lights are on, and we,
we are waiting. Already I can feel your sole
crush my little toe and you haven't moved an inch

and I don't think you will. You are too busy
watching the room, waiting for God to come
and shine His light so that the chandelier fades and
we become angels in sticky hot clothes
waiting for the end to start.