Snoink wrote:You know I’m no great poet
Who can weave words around
Meanings, so beautiful and poignant.
But just for you I decided
To find a metaphor
At first I thought of
Cupid and his little arrows
Darting in and out a lover’s heartWith a twang of a string and a swish
But then I thought better
For how does love
Ever make one hole-y?
Love is a lake which stretches forth
Its refreshing blue waters
Which taste so sweetBeckon for those to come in.
So you craft a boat and make it
Strong, durable, and lasting
Until finally stepping forth
At first, the lake is calm
And the wind soft
Bringing sweet fragrances
Of fresh wildflowers and honey.
And the sunshine is comforting,
As it rubs your back
With a paternal air.
But then something happens
The sun is covered up
And the wind begins to stir
At first a small dissent
And then a roar of noise!
And it whips the waves up
Higher and higher
Until you can barely
And just as you’ve lost all hope
CRACK!The craft splits
Setting you between
The wrath of the heavens
And the endless depths of the waters
Until finally the waves swallow you up
And you are left
But you needn’t be afraid
No, you needn’t despair at all.For instead of death
You are being wrapped up
Into the arms of love.
Argh... emphasis on the first three lines of the poem.
The stuff I have underlined are the things I felt were powerful and I liked. Especially the "hole-y" part it made me chuckle.
The things that I have put in italic are the characters/words I don't feel you need in there, they kind of have no meaning and without them the sentences still flow.
I think it was a wonderful piece.
Well done xxxxxxooooxxxxxoooooxxxxx