z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Tail Held High

by Snoink


I had a tiny little dream
Where I was being followed
By a tiger, gray and black
Hiding in my shadow

At first I thought – ignore him.
That ghastly looming sight
Of a silent tiger
Trailing me by night.

But as we rambled onward
I hastened up my pace –
First a walk and then a jog –
A run and then a race!

He never ran, my tiger,
But he never fell behind
And so we rushed together
In a single little line.

And while I raced on, panicked,
A big hawk swooped down low
A great rock in its talons
Which at me it did throw

With a cry, I threw myself
Deep within the ground
When beside me came a roar
With a most amazing sound.

The tiger sprang up at the rock, and
With a mighty padded paw,
The rock burst into a million stars –
The tiger opened up his jaw…

He leapt up higher, higher still
And swallowed up the hawk –
Feathers tumbling from his mouth –
He smiled and then he dropped.

Out of the sky and onto the land –
I was very much afraid
Still, I crept close to the tiger
And saw him where he lay:

His eyes pulled shut, his paws outstretched
His body gleaming red
And as I walked up closer still,
I thought that he was dead.

My heart felt sick, my body shook
And as I began to weep
His yellow eyes blinked open,
And with a tigery creep:

He stood up and winked at me
Before running in the night
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
3837 Reviews

Points: 5740
Reviews: 3837

Donate
Fri Sep 08, 2006 6:07 am
Snoink says...



Well... she's obsessed with caps lock, if you couldn't tell, lol.

And I think she means comparison as metaphors. So she uses them interchangably. I think...

And yeah. The double syllable thing I was aiming for. Gah! Writing poetry is like playing suduko. You try to fix a line and end up having to replace the whole damn board. :P




User avatar
459 Reviews

Points: 10092
Reviews: 459

Donate
Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:37 am
Poor Imp wrote a review...



I enjoyed it, Snoink. Of the rhyme, no complaints...except for the very last line --

And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high.


...his tail was holding - what high? The double syllable was what you wanted? Was his tail held high makes more sense.

The teacher wrote this about it:

He stood up and winked at me
Before running in the night
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high. REWORK THIS TO FOCUS THE "COMPARISON" HERE? THIS IS SWEET AND FUNNY... IS IT A KIND OF CHILDREN'S STORY?


...This is your professor talking? --Is she perhaps confused? o0' ^_~

Focus comparison - joys of vagary.




User avatar
3837 Reviews

Points: 5740
Reviews: 3837

Donate
Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:01 am
Snoink says...



The teacher wrote this about it:

He stood up and winked at me
Before running in the night
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high. REWORK THIS TO FOCUS THE "COMPARISON" HERE? THIS IS SWEET AND FUNNY... IS IT A KIND OF CHILDREN'S STORY?



What do you think she means by it? ^_^;;




User avatar
864 Reviews

Points: 2395
Reviews: 864

Donate
Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:17 am
Griffinkeeper says...



Words fail me.




User avatar
504 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 504

Donate
Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:18 pm
Dream Deep says...



I love it love it love it love it, a million times love it but then I think I already told you that. :wink:

Great job, Snow Pig.



~Dreamy ^_^





Have you met a cow or another large animal?
— Liminality