She’s cold at first –
A long sleek body
dressed in black with
silver buttons lining her
front and back
Everywhere
and from her tone holes
She stares out at you
waiting for you to kiss her.
At first you don’t dare
and only finger
Her long sleek dress
your hands lingering on
Her silver buttons
as you let your minty hot breath
wash over her body
and slowly she starts to smile.
She opens up to you.
It is time.
You hold her tighter
and press her closer to your chest
your long delicate fingers
encompassing her.
You bring her closer, closer still so
Your mouths can meet –
Your lips and then your tongues
and slowly you let your minty hot breath
play into her.
And your love comes out as
Music.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Wow! The way you described the instrument was awesome!!! And I guess I can relate except my clarinet is a guy. haha. In fact, his name is Benny (after Goodman or course).
But anyways, with the way you describe this everyone will want to play the clarinet because of how SEXY you make it sound.
the "tone holes" threw me off too, because the rest of the poem is so deep in erotic feelings...or at least thats what you want us to think, right? I love your descriptions - the black dress and silver buttons. Brilliant. i play the flute, and I agree. Warming up is the most important part of playing! Love the poem tho
Brilliant. A totally original perspective on playing music. It flows beautifully and the descriptions are simply lovely.
I agree that the term "tone holes" seems rather out of place since it doesn't go with the comparison of the clarinet to a woman. It kind of messed up that image for me, like Crysi said.
This was awesome.
It's not about the sound of the clarinet. It's about warming up the clarinet so you can play it in band without being completely sharp.
And Grif + French maid accent = fear.
This is a very erotic description of playing a clarinet. It makes me wonder what exactly it is that you do in your room during those long "practice" sessions.
On the upside, it's fun to read out loud, especially if you throw in a French accent.
This is brilliant. I didn't catch it at first and that's what made it so perfect. I would definetly consider changing the "tone holes" part but other than that I find it perfect. Great work!
POKE
Very sensual, but not much of a moving point. The clarinet produces a beautiful sound, and I think you could express it better. Give it more suspence, Snoikums.
I loved it!!!! You have such a great way of describing even the most miniscule things, Snoink.
Great job!
Wiggy
As yoha said, then gold stars!
Hehe! I never noticed that. I'll have to play around with that idea...
And heeh! Madame Oboe, perhaps?
Very nice, Snoink. A bit sensual - no surprise coming from you. The only thing I had a problem with was the mention of tone holes. It took me out of the image of a real person and broke the magic for me.
*shrugs* Just a suggestion.
Fantastic. I too love the description--the "dress", her silver buttons. Very cool. Would be looked at totally differnt if not for the title. XD
Nice work.
Ooooh! *chills* The same could be said towrds my oboe. ^_^ *gazes lovingly at oboe* AWESOME piece. I love it. Ten gold stars! **********
Wow, what a way to describe playing a clarinet.
I certainly didn't think like that whilst I played.
I liked the repetition of 'silver buttons' and 'minty hot breath' and the simple ending with Music.