Young Writers Society

i liked it, the only thing i would change is the glistening like diamonds. it doesnt quite fit a dog theme. but other then that i enjoyed it.

kimi

M.B.Author wrote:Yeah! Wet dogs. So cute.

I don't know if this is bad, but when I read it, I tried to picture it. And I tried
to forget the title. And if I read this without reading the title, I probably
wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about. Think about it.

This is cute, I like it.

-- M.B.Author

Yeah! Wet dogs. So cute.

I don't know if this is bad, but when I read it, I tried to picture it. And I tried
to forget the title. And if I read this without reading the title, I probably
wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about. Think about it.

This is cute, I like it.

-- M.B.Author

that was really good! i liked it! was there any metaphorical meaning?

I honestly don't know what to say--I really don't. I don't know what the heck I thought. I don't know if it was good, or bad, or weird, or strange, or supercalifragilistexpialidocious. I just don't know...didn't really understand it.

I liked this little poem! Good Job! I love that it was talking about pigs! Great Job and keep it up!

A nice light-mooded kind of poem that paints a picture.

now you should do a cat poem!!

Very cute! It was enjoyable, and not to long, making it just right. Keep up the good work!

Oh, Snoinkus, I love it!

Now! Do I have permission to nitpick?

Lookee here (un idea! well, maybe):

They scurry beneath the wooden roof <<I agree with bubbles, here: beneath!
their fat bodies glistening as they shiver
(together) eyes closed, << Just playing here, in my usual manner of omitting every word I can possibly get away with. Horrible habit, really, but I love it. So! I like "together," but I don't.
dreaming of Warmth
and Sunlight.

Yes, I did have to nit-pick... it's my job! And I need the practice, so who better to practice on, but Snoinky?

Oh gah. I love how the line "glistening with diamonds" fits, but it annoys me to no end (my cliche-o-metre perked up a bit at it, really...). So pooey. I don't know what to do with it. But I love it!

This ranks up there with Mme. Clarinet, I think. Definitely a good one (albeit a bit [s]dodgy[/s] doggy).

Snoinkles! I love it!

**steals poem**

No, but seriously. It's short, it's sweet, and it is definitely metaphorical - to me, anyway

If I were you, I'd think about maybe changing "underneath" to "beneath" -- it fits the rhythm better, to my eye. And I'm not sure about the capitalization of Warmth and Sunlight either, although I suppose they do make it seem Doggish, LOL.

Love the "glistening with diamonds" line, and the echo of "closed" in "knows" -- makes the ending just right.

Overall, I reckon this is my favourite of all your poems. Awesomeness!

Cheers,
~bubbles

Hehe... yeah, a little. At the time, when it was rainy and miserable, it seemed right, though, without the miserable sky and everything, it doesn't quite look right, LOL.

I'm not sure about some of the metaphorical description such as "glistened with diamonds" while it sounds nice I don't know if it's quite right. HOWEVER, i enjoyed the poem, it rolls off your tongue when you read it, you can almost feel the slipperiness of the animals! Were you trying to personify "Warmth" and "Sunlight" in the capitalisation?

Well... it's not really that deep. I walk two beagles regularly, and they're really cute but they REALLY hate water. So once, when I walked them in the rain, they got soaked and, as soon as I let them off their leashes, they crawled under the woodpile and shivered there. And so the poor little dogs are spoiled beyond belief, but even they are not allowed to hide from the rain.

I guess it might be a metaphorical poem too? Who knows!

Glad you liked it.

i liked the fat bodies part-though it would of been better if you said they glistend with sweat , or blood-or somthing thats excreeted from pores in skin- any way , its very short- could you tell us the deep hidden meaning or shall i keep searching

-rodent

Nice little poem Snoinkles, I quite like it. I didn't get the capitalization of warmth and sunlight; that threw me off a little. There seems to no point to it. Other then that, its good.

I like.