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cradling into death

by Snoink


shhhh...

listen to the soft sway of oscillations
lowering us back into dust
a subtle reminder that Energy is conserved
but angular momentum is not.


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Sun Jun 03, 2007 10:38 pm
Crysi wrote a review...



No more angular momentum!!!

*laughs*

I really liked this. I like the "Shhh..." at the beginning. I hear it in a calming whisper, perhaps set to the background of ocean waves. The physics interrupts that natural feeling, and the last two lines feel like they belong more in a parody than in a serious poem.

I don't really like it, I'm afraid. It has cool lines in it, but they don't work together. They're contradicting in tone, as someone said. Nice try, though.




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Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:16 pm
oregongirl says...



This was very simple and I enjoyed it! :D

ML,
oregongirl




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Sun Jun 03, 2007 10:36 am
Reyu says...



Made me think of "The Pit and the Pendulum"
but im weird. 8)




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Sun May 27, 2007 10:47 am
sworddance wrote a review...



rofl omg too funny, just like the other one.
With all that soft and poetical feeling i didn't see the physics thing coming; that was hilarious. I'm sorry, but I must email these to my physics/chem nerd friend. teeheet :D




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Sun May 27, 2007 6:29 am
nymphidius wrote a review...



Momentum is always conserved! :P :P :P




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Sun May 27, 2007 2:54 am
Leja wrote a review...



"shhh" was the perfect way to begin; otherwise I would have heard it as shouting, but here I hear it as whispering, especially when followed by all the other "s" sounds.

I'm not sure what the dust part is all about, but physics (physics, yes?) is not so much my thing.

Nothing to change here :D




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Sun May 27, 2007 1:12 am
Chandni wrote a review...



I wished you could go deeper on this, it's short for what could've been longer and more enjoyable.

I'll have to agree with Xanthan and say, "shhhh..." is better off removed.

It was a nice short read ;)




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Sat May 26, 2007 10:27 pm
Sumi H. Inkblot wrote a review...



:echoes everybody else:

I like the shhh...and yes, short is nice. Especially on funny haikus. XD

Nice job not mincing words- I find it hard to not do that. :D




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Sat May 26, 2007 5:01 pm
Lady Pirate wrote a review...



I like this, it is short, sweet, simple and to the point.

I love the Shh at the beginning. It's almost as if, there is a lot of noise around you and then you shh them, and everything goes quiet, and you are able to whisper to the words of your poem into stillness.




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Sat May 26, 2007 4:57 pm
xanthan gum wrote a review...



shhhh...

This seems so informal compared to the rest of the poem. I'd suggest something along the lines of "shush" or just "shh" (two h's) if you want to keep it, although I don't see much of a point with it




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Sat May 26, 2007 1:09 pm
something euclidean says...



I liked this; the only thing is the cadence of the last line doesn't have the same long-wavelength feeling of the rest of the poem.

still: physics and poetry go well together.




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Sat May 26, 2007 12:00 pm
miyaviloves says...



Hmm, I didn't quite get it? It might be because I don't know what oscillations means/are...I will look it up :D

All the best,
Meevs
x




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Sat May 26, 2007 6:37 am
Fabien says...



This piece is contradicting to me.

Complicated and factual,
yet it was simple and philosophical.

Out of the blue, but I enjoyed it.





The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz