shhhh...
listen to the soft sway of oscillations
lowering us back into dust
a subtle reminder that Energy is conserved
but angular momentum is not.
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140,308 Literary Works • 673,081 Reviews
No more angular momentum!!!
*laughs*
I really liked this. I like the "Shhh..." at the beginning. I hear it in a calming whisper, perhaps set to the background of ocean waves. The physics interrupts that natural feeling, and the last two lines feel like they belong more in a parody than in a serious poem.
I don't really like it, I'm afraid. It has cool lines in it, but they don't work together. They're contradicting in tone, as someone said. Nice try, though.
This was very simple and I enjoyed it!
ML,
oregongirl
Made me think of "The Pit and the Pendulum"
but im weird.
rofl omg too funny, just like the other one.
With all that soft and poetical feeling i didn't see the physics thing coming; that was hilarious. I'm sorry, but I must email these to my physics/chem nerd friend. teeheet
Momentum is always conserved!
"shhh" was the perfect way to begin; otherwise I would have heard it as shouting, but here I hear it as whispering, especially when followed by all the other "s" sounds.
I'm not sure what the dust part is all about, but physics (physics, yes?) is not so much my thing.
Nothing to change here
I wished you could go deeper on this, it's short for what could've been longer and more enjoyable.
I'll have to agree with Xanthan and say, "shhhh..." is better off removed.
It was a nice short read
:echoes everybody else:
I like the shhh...and yes, short is nice. Especially on funny haikus. XD
Nice job not mincing words- I find it hard to not do that.
I like this, it is short, sweet, simple and to the point.
I love the Shh at the beginning. It's almost as if, there is a lot of noise around you and then you shh them, and everything goes quiet, and you are able to whisper to the words of your poem into stillness.
This seems so informal compared to the rest of the poem. I'd suggest something along the lines of "shush" or just "shh" (two h's) if you want to keep it, although I don't see much of a point with it
I liked this; the only thing is the cadence of the last line doesn't have the same long-wavelength feeling of the rest of the poem.
still: physics and poetry go well together.
Hmm, I didn't quite get it? It might be because I don't know what oscillations means/are...I will look it up
All the best,
Meevs
x
This piece is contradicting to me.
Complicated and factual,
yet it was simple and philosophical.
Out of the blue, but I enjoyed it.