~1,516
“Is that really you, Shep?” Jay asked. It felt strange to call this young man, still blond with youth, his skin smooth and unwrinkled the name of his aged companion. Fleta stepped back to join jay, still grinning.
“You are free to call me Atolicus, or Ato, as Fleta calls me, if that makes you more comfortable.” His voice was strong and smooth. It seemed that the very ground listened when he spoke.
“Why are you…?” Jay groped for the right words.
“Suddenly youthful?” Ato said with a smile. “This was part of the Enchantress’s curse. This is what she was referring to when she said that she made me that way. I now appear the same age I was when she cursed all of us. It would have been much easier to get help looking like this than like a senile old codger.” He winked.
“Are all the sheep restored as well?” Jay asked, peering around to see some sign of his wooly friends.
Shep nodded. “That they are. I believe they are still recovering in their rooms, however.”
“That reminds me, Atolicus,” the Enchantress said with a knowing smile. “I have something of yours.” She giggled mischievously, and held up something shiny.
It was a golden crown. It had twelve points and every point had a gemstone. Jay stared at the lustrous circle for a moment, uncomprehending. Then it hit him. Shep is a prince!
Ato grinned at Jay’s surprise. He took the crown from the Enchantress and plopped it on his head. It fit perfectly, but he adjusted it to a jauntier angle. “Surprised Jay?”
“So that’s what you were hiding all this time. You’re the prince of Vonrut!”
Ato held up a finger. “Ah, not quite. I am one of the princes.”
Jay squinted in confusion before remembering. “Oh! That’s right. Tart was the younger prince. That’s what you said. I never wondered why you never mentioned an older prince. It was you all along!”
Ato nodded. “Indeed.”
“But since you’re oldest,” Jay went on, “that means you’re in line for the throne, correct?”
“Correct. But luckily, my father is still around, thanks to the excellent medical attentions of Fleta.”
Fleta blushed with the praise.
“I am certain the king will be most indebted to you,” Ato said. “And to you Jay. You are welcome here at the castle any time.” He drew closer to Jay and lowered his voice, “But if you wish to leave, you need only say the word, and we can take you back home, to Earth.”
“How will you get me there?” Jay asked, puzzled.
Ato smiled slyly. “The answer to that will come clear shortly. We must wait for everyone else to wake up, however. Including all the previous sheep. Then the Enchantress will wake up the rest of the castle—they have been in a state of magical suspension. Where the ex-sheep will remember a little of what happened in the previous years, the rest of the castle inhabitants will wake up as if they just dropped off for a nap… and suddenly their kingdom is in shambles. I have a feeling it will be very hard for them.”
Jay nodded. “So Fleta,” he said, turning towards her, “what happened in your trial?”
She smiled. “Well, it started off where I was back on the streets. Like you, I had doubts that any of this adventure had actually happened. I was scrambling to find someplace to hide, when I was suddenly transported to a deserted tropical island.”
Jay winced, knowing her hatred toward heat.
“Oh Jay,” she mourned at the memory, “It was so hot. And I was so tired. I thought I would lie down there and die, I didn’t think anyone needed me. But then I heard one of Atolicus’s songs in the back of my mind...”
“Hey!” Jay cut in. “Me too! That helped me remember everything I learned on the journey.”
Fleta nodded. “I as well. I remembered everything he taught me, about being strong. I remembered the circles that I had to jump through, and how I had been needed. And even though I had a really hard time doing some things on the island—the Enchantress had set up all sorts of trials for me—I just remembered how she had mentioned that it was a trial, and I was terrified that if I failed, everyone would fail. So I didn’t give up, not even a little.”
The Enchantress was nodding and smiling as Fleta told the story. The Enchantress looked younger now, but she held herself more like a woman. It seemed that she had looked like an older woman and acted like a child before, and now it was just the opposite—looking like a young woman, and acting maturely. Perhaps the curse had had some sort of effect on herself as well.
One by one, people, trolls, and ex-sheep filed out into the courtyard. The Enchantress poured the warm fruitwash, and the table, which had seemed small when Jay first saw it, was now seating everyone, as if it had grown to accommodate all. People were laughing and telling stories, and introducing themselves. Jay learned that the court jester really knew his jokes, and that the gardener had big plans for the courtyard.
One by one, in all their many ways, each ex-sheep apologized to the Enchantress for their insults. All, that is, except for the younger prince. Jay slowly gathered that the insults had occurred at a feast when the Enchantress was out of the room to prepare for something. When Jay asked what, they all went tight-lipped and glanced at Atolicus, who shook his head slightly.
“I’m afraid that’s Atolicus’s secrect,” the court chef said with her plump pink lips in a sad smile.
There came a lull in the conversation, when it was obvious that everyone was waiting for the young prince—Jay had learned his name was Leon—to apologize. Everyone was watching him, and the Enchantress had her arms folded cordially. Leon glanced around at the expectancy on the faces of the crowd and swallowed. “I’m not going to apologize, because what I said was true, and I still believe it.” Jay saw the perspiration on his forehead.
Jay glanced questioningly at the gardener, who was sitting next to him. The gardener leaned over and whispered, “Leon said that the Enchantress was evil, that she had no place in our court, that she would bring about Vonrut’s destruction with her evil, feminine enchantments. That magic would destroy our land and tear it apart.”
Despite his whispering, everyone at the table heard the gardener in the dead silence.
“And was I wrong?” Leon blasted. “Was I wrong that she destroyed Vonrut with her magic? Look at what has happened because of her curse,” he spat.
“Yes,” the princess said quietly. It was one of the few times she had spoken. “It wasn’t the Enchantress who razed Vonrut. It was you. And I. And all of us. The only one who saved Vonrut from total annihilation was Atolicus.”
“Hear, hear!” called the jester. “Long live the crown prince!” The rest of the table took up the cry, leaving Leon scowling.
Then the Enchantress spoke, her voice took on all the smoothness and fury of a roiling stream. “Then you do not apologize, Prince Leon?”
“That is correct,” he said darkly. “I would never apologize to an unnatural demon such as you.”
The Enchantress shrugged gracefully, like a cat. Suddenly, the young prince was no longer there. The queen gasped. “What did you do to him? My son!” The words were passionate, but Jay could hear in their tone some sort of relief. He thought perhaps Leon was rude to everyone.
“You shall find him in the stables. He needs to learn his place, his humility. Although he is now a fine beast, I fear you shall have some trouble breaking him in.” She smiled coldly.
“You turned our son into a horse?” The queen was aghast. But the king chuckled.
“Perhaps this time he’ll learn his lesson. Perhaps now he will be a boon to the kingdom rather than a constant headache.” Leon’s father broke out into guffaws.
“Shall I awaken the rest of the castle?” the Enchantress asked.
“That is up to you, my lady,” the king answered.
“What I would like to know,” the queen asked, “is if you two are still holding to your previous arrangements.” She gestured towards Ato and the Enchantress.
Ato gazed at the woman sitting across from him, the woman who had turned his family into sheep and himself into an old man. Who had led him on a goose-chase across a continent. Who had played with his chances of success. But also the woman by whose interference he had met Fleta, Jay, Marc, Gilfred, Godfrey, Salim, and yes, even Cabot. Who had reinstated he and his family to their previous state. The woman who was now sitting there, beaming at him like a ray of sunshine. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, we are still getting married.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi there! Me again.
This is the kind of surprise that I was expecting as Jay's initial reaction. Now the reactions are a bit messed up. At first he was happy and excited, but now he's trying to grasp the fact that Shep is now young. It's backwards.
After the big reveal and all of the explaining, Jay turns right back to Fleta and asks her again about her trial. I'm having trouble finding the connection between the two. I'd expect Jay to still be focused on trying to understand everything that had happened. And I'm wondering if he's seeing Shep any different now that he knows that he's really a prince. Despite being the same person, Shep seemed a lot different when he was older than he does now. I can't really explain it, but he does.
How is it that Jay would know which ones were the ex-sheep? He's only known the royal family to be a bunch of sheep. I don't recall Shep ever showing him a picture or something, so he really wouldn't know what the royals looked like. He'd probably just think that they were workers at the castle. Unless of course, Shep pointed them out to him, which he didn't.
I thought the youngest prince was Tart?
Wait, I thought she had already awakened the castle. Aren't they all sitting at the table now?
D'aw love is true even if your betrothed forced you to be ridiculed while you search for your family who was turned into sheep. Adorable! xD But seriously, finding out that Shep and the Enchantress were in love is a total shock. Probably more shocking than finding out that Shep is actually the crown prince. There was no hints that they even liked each other before this. I have to hand it to them, they are wonderful actors. I wonder if Fleta knew that they were meant to be married.
There's a lot of explaining and catching up in this chapter, but I like it like that. After keeping secrets through the entire novel, you have to be able to give us time to find out what had been going on. I read this book with an ending similar to this, although the situations are completely different and there are two more complicated books after it, and there were two chapters near the end specifically dedicated to explaining what had been going on the entire time. A lot reviewers weren't too fond of it saying that it was just one huge info dump, which it could be seen as one, but it was absolutely needed. This is too. Sure we're learning a lot at once and catching up with limited understanding of who's who, but this is Shep's life and this is what would really happen. Jay is just observing it. I'm so glad you wrote this chapter like this.
On to the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Heya Widdershins! Me here to continue this fun game of catching up :3
I also have to say that once we realise that everyone was apologising and you said that the Enchantress was getting ready for something I predicted they were going to be married. And I stand correct *feels proud* but I didn't predict it until paragraphs before you said it, so it was still pretty great.
I think I just had one of my biggest OH moments in quite a long while. Seriously, it was so huge and unexpected o.o The meaning of the title just hit me smack bam in the face. I thought it was called that because they used Shep's wool to get out of the labyrinth of mirrors (that should of been a huge hint) and then that the sheep were all royalty. But even when we found out he was actually one of the princes I was shocked beyond belief and I think the house next door heard me scream that OH! I liked that we were able to see some of the other's trials as well, like Fleta's which I was asking for in the previous review. I should've kept my mouth sealed
One tiny nitpick!
The name was missing a capital letter!
What I was a bit confused about is that Shep was the prince and the Enchantress made everyone else into animals except him. What confused me was why she spared him? I mean, yes, he is her husband but it didn't seem fair. Was he the only one who didn't insult her or something? Because even if he didn't, he was transformed into an old man and that doesn't seem to be too nice for him either. So was he being punished for something he didn't commit, or had he committed a weaker crime in the Enchantress's eyes than everyone elses?
Another thing I wanted to know was about the whole marriage ideal. I think it is cute that they still want to get married and all, but is Shep perfectly fine with them being a couple? I mean, his wife nearly and basically threw his country into ruins. Yes, maybe their insults were what pushed her over the edge, but it was her hand that cast the magic at the end of things. Even if Shep is super cool headed, he doesn't even want to talk about this a little bit before he seals the deal? And his wife set him on this crazy goose chase she could never be sure he would complete or survive. Which is why I think a private conversation is in order or something of more substance before they agree to be wed.
The final thing I am going to mention here is setting. I do feel like that is an element that is falling behind as we are being caught up int he plot of the story, but you can always embellish these discovery moments by making them stronger. I feel like this vineyard or courtyard where they all are could use a lot more description. In my mind, I also can't quite get a grip on how many people are even there, because Jay seems to be talking to all sorts, but when it comes to private matters like apologies and announcements surely not a crowd of people are there? So take your time in describing that as well!
I'm sorry these reviews are getting shorter because your novel is just becoming all the more amazing. I am going to be back for more as soon as I can be, of course
Deanie x
Interesting chapter! There seems to be a general amount of mirth in it, which I liked quite a bit. I also very much enjoy the way it ended. Though I'm joining this novel only at part 59, I was able to get a fair bit of understanding about the characters due to the way they interact with one another.
Just a couple things with regards to writing style:
Saying 'still blond with youth' is enough; adding the 'skin smooth and unwrinkled' is a little too much description as it's inferred from the "youth" part, and a bit confusing as well.
This I'm pointing out just because it's great. The dialogue, the scene descriptions, the characterizations -- all very well done. You boil down an entire scene into just one paragraph without sacrificing on anything.
Occasionally with dialogue, you have a tendency to over-describe it. In the first one I pulled out, neither the "blasted" or "spat" are necessary. The blasted is inferred from the dialogue already, and the "he spat" is odd because of the length of what he just said (spat usually implies it short). They're also a bit contradictory. When you blast, you're being loud. When you spat, you're saying something quickly at a normal volume.
With the second part, the "he said darkly" is also unnecessary. We can already infer that, but I think what you're getting at here is that there needs to be some way to drive the emphasis of the "That is correct" to the reader. So instead of saying "he said darkly," maybe describe some action that he takes that implies something sinister? Perhaps, "'That is correct.' He touched the hilt of his sword as he stepped forward. 'I would never...'"?
I also found it out that everyone is on such good terms with the Enchantress now. I haven't read the prior chapters so perhaps this is addressed, but even if her intentions were noble, I'd be pretty upset if I was turned into a sheep!
However, I also liked the enchantress. She is a very interesting character, as are all of your characters. Your pacing is quite well done, and there's a few scene descriptions (such as the one highlighted above) that are exquisite. A joy to read.
Timmy hereeee
I know. So surprising. I'm here two days in a row. o.0 Don't faint.
I don't know what to say, really. >< I've read this chapter over several times now, gone woah and have several facepalms when you revealed one of your big secrets (especially at the end there. oh my. xd), but I can't find anything with any gravity to talk about, to nitpick. I suppose I could prattle on for a few minutes about stuff like how you forgot to capitalize Jay's name in the first paragraph, but that wouldn't help you much - edits come in time. Perhaps I'll go through and see what I can just find to talk about? Let's try. :3
I do think you could spend more time on Jay's confusion and surprise over Shep being Atolicus. Amazing as it was, and as evull you are, I think you could play with Jay's emotions at that time. I suppose he seems to accept it too quick? I mean, like in the last chapter, if Fleta had jumped up and hugged some young guy, um, if I'd been Jay, I might have been a bit jealous and not thought it was Shep even when the guy insisted he was. Are you seriously srsly trying to tell me this young, good looking guy is Shep? SHUT THE DOOR. It's sort of almost unbelievable, so you need to bring that aspect more into it, rather than the almost sudden acceptance of the truth. Have him be okay with it in time, yes, but it would make more sense if you drug on his confusion and surprise for a time longer.
Hm. So if he met Fleta by the quest to find all the sheep, why oh how does she know that Shep used to be Atolicus? And how would she know what he looks like at that age? xD
This story is becoming frightfully a bit similar to Beauty and the Beast now, with a dash of Sleeping Beauty. 0.o Which, of course, is amazing. I'm not saying what you did is the same as in those movies, but there are some amazing similarities that are subtle but easy to see. I love how complex this book has become, so many subplots and little characters filling in tiny holes in the story. Perfect. :3
So I don't actually understand why they're all being so nice to the Enchantress. I'd understand if they were nice only because they didn't want to be eating grass and being stuffed inside sheep's clothing their whole lives, but this seemed like real kindness and respect. Respect? Yes, makes sense. But I don't see a reason for them to be so cordial to a woman who ruined their lives. >> And all due to an insult? Seems like a bratty Enchantress to me. xd So why do they like her so much?
And it also makes me wonder about the Enchantress and Atolicus. Why would he still like her if she did such a wonderful job turning his family into livestock and allowing his home to fall into shambles? AND then put him on the task of restoring it all? I think I'd tip my cap to the darlin' girl and go find someone else. xd
The part with the prince Leon? PERFECT. I love it, and how he turned into the horse and no one seemed to care. It was almost funny how the king made a joke about the whole transformation and how he'd be worth something now. xd That alone tells the reader perfectly that he was a good for nothing to begin with, and nobody would miss him.
You mean sheep-chase, right? heehee
As this book is being wrapped up to a closure, I find myself liking the Enchantress more and more. I know I had problems with her in the first few chapters, liked her for a few afterwards, and then promptly went back to being an Enchantress hater. But now her character has opened up, and she's such a fun person. c: She isn't as condescending as I used to think she was, is pretty funny at times, and just seems a kind person. Perhaps the love of a prince melted her.
I'm off to review the last chapter that I may or may not have read two weeks ago. >>
~Darth Timmyjake