Chapter 15
~875 words
“Oh there he is,” said Shep, unconcerned. “That’s Marc.” Shep waved to the big man. The man broke into a grin and shuffled to their table. Jay realized that the man hadn’t been looking at him, but at Shep.
“It’s been too long since I’ve seen you, pal,” Marc said, grinning.
“Yes. It has been quite a while, hasn’t it?”
“And what name are you going by these days?”
“Jay here has taken to calling me Shep. I think it suits me. What about you?”
“It’s better than Attolicus.” Marc chuckled, then nodded to Jay, “It’s nice to meet you Jay.”
“Likewise,” Jay said. Then he asked Shep, “Attolicus? Is that why Fleta calls you Ato?”
“Indeed,” said Shep, “But enough of this confusing names nonsense. I believe our food is here.”
They ate a hearty meal, and sipped fruitwashes.
Marc said “I can’t believe that it’s been seven years since I saw you last! How time does fly. Still searching for those sheep of yours?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.” Then to Jay he said, “When I was first beginning this quest to find sheep, I spent some time in this city, Roma, researching places the sheep could have been sent to. Here I met Marc, at the time he was a shelver at the library.”
“So if you’ve already spent so much time here, wouldn’t you know if there was a sheep here or not?”Jay asked.
“I didn’t search the whole city then, and maybe someone—like Marc—has heard something new. How about it Marc, have you found any?”
“No, sadly not. How about you? On your long journeys all across Trevon and into foreign lands, did you find one hair of your lost sheep?”
“I did!” Shep’s eyes glowed with delight, as if he had just found another sheep crawling around in Marc’s hair. “I found five, actually. Just two more left!”
Marc’s thick eyebrows raised in surprise. “You did? That’s fantastic! I honestly thought you were making the whole story up just so you could spend time in the library.”
Shep looked hurt. “I wouldn’t lie about that.”
“Oh sorry. Of course you wouldn’t. I remember that one time you told the truth in front of the whole…”
And the rest of the conversation was just reminiscing over the old days. When their drinks ran out, Shep ordered another round of fruitwashes. When the waitress came with the bill, Shep said, “Oh Jay, will you get the money out of my pack? The purse is right next to the ball of yarn…” and continued with his conversation.
Jay found the money all right, but he had a little trouble remembering which coin was which. The meal cost a drubble and two degas. Jay was fairly sure that meant a copper coin, and two iron pyramids, and when the waitress came back to collect the money—plus the extra dega Shep had slipped onto the pile without even looking—she smiled.
---
That night, Jay dreamed he was back home.
He opened the door to his home, and saw his mother sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. Then she looked up and, with tears in her eyes, said, “Oh Jason! Where have you been all these long weeks? We’ve missed you.” She got up and ran in for a hug, but when she reached him, Jay felt nothing. Instead, there was his brother, Zeke, timing his climb up a tree. Jason scurried up as fast as he could, but it wasn’t fast enough. Zeke jeered at him then started chasing Jay up the tree. Jay climbed higher and higher, but Zeke kept following, laughing all the way up. Jay reached the top of the tree, where the limbs were only small sticks and twigs, and then he felt himself falling. Falling down to the Earth where a hundred Zekes waited, cracking their knuckles, calling “Jason! Jason!”
“Jay!”
Jay woke with a start. “Huh?” Above him was a concerned-looking red face.
“You were thrashin’ around in your sleep,” said Gilfred, “and besides, it’s morning.”
“Oh. Thank you. Boy, what a nightmare.” Jay followed Gilfred into the front room of the inn for breakfast.
“I know what ya mean. I get lotsa nightmares when I travel. All those new scary places.”
Jay knew Gilfred was trying to cheer him up, but he was too shaken by the dream to forget about it. “This dream was about my home.”
Gilfred said, “Ooh yeah, those nightmares,” and nodded like he knew just what Jay was talking about. Then he paused, mid-nod, and turned to Jay. “I actu’ly never ‘ad a ‘ome. Only Godfrey. And the road, if you can count that, but no one ever seems to. What’s it like to ‘ave a ‘ome?”
“It’s nice at times… boring at others. It’s much more exciting to travel.”
“You betcha! A nomad life is the best life!” Gilfred smiled wide with his crooked teeth. Then the smile slipped and he said, “I still wouldn’t mind trying it one, though. Livin’ in a ‘ome, I mean.”
Then they sat down for breakfast, and Jay forgot his nightmare. Or, he tried to forget, but a sense of foreboding stuck with him throughout the morning.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there!
Sure it's just a dream, but I like the emotion that he shows afterwards. I was surprised to see him have a conversation with Gilfred after his dream rather than Shep or even Fleta, for example. Gilfred and his brother (they are brothers, right?? xD) just seem to have come along for the journey. But now they're both starting to become more of a part of the story and I find that very interesting.
Oh dear, look how far behind I am >< Time to play catch up!
I like that we get to see Jay reflecting on his life at home. I know that I've bothered you about that for at least a few reviews
This one comment really gives us a good look into Shep's back story. We only really know as much about Shep as Jay does, and honestly, that isn't a lot. So having Marc ask this question brings it to our attention that Shep has maybe been a "different person" before Jay came around. Not a completely different person of course, but definitely a different personality. This really sparks my curiosity and makes me want to find out more about Shep's past.
Well, that's it for me for this chapter. Another great chapter here. You're doing a great job keeping the story moving, but at the same time reflecting on the past and what made everyone and everything the way they are now. And seeing as I'm the last one to get here, I feel like I'd just end up repeating what everyone else said already which would just be annoying for you and me :3
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Timmy here!
Hmph. Just like you. Get us all on the edge of our seats, (I was definitely wondering alllll night who this guy was) and then drop the friend bomb. boom!, he isn't a baddie. Oh, well. I admit I was hoping for some fighting. hehehe But this is better. So far in this book, all we had seen were trolls and sheep, and it was a good change for me to see Shep conversing with a real person and enjoying himself. Jay was his usual awkward self.
Now one thing I am curious about: did he get it right? I tried to remember the actual names and amounts, but it escaped me because I read it so long ago. But you never actually say if he got it right or not. I mean, the waitress smiling tells a story in itself and kind of implies that he got it wrong, but Shep could lean over and just verify that he is either right or wrong in his calculations.
When I read this part, I just go the visual of a talking head interview. That they were all sitting completely still, and just blabbing away--all the while, they weren't moving, nothing was going on around them, and there were no expressions on their face worth mentioning. But... there were! Doing this two or even three times could be... forgivable, but you need to keep in mind that the reader uses their main sense to read your story, and that part of their imagination does the most work. Their eyes. During this conversation, you didn't really give our eyes much to do, except read through. There was no visual as to what their expressions were or anything. For an example, think of Shep: When Mar calls him Attolicus (which sounds totally Roman, but that is off subject), he could show some emotion to tell the reader how he feels about that name. A grimace, trying to change the conversation, ignoring him--which would be totally Shep--and keep talking. I don't know. It just seems as though this part of the conversation is, quite simply dead and a little boring because of that.
I would have to say that I agree with Deanie on this one, and actually with every point she said. When I read through this scene, I got the feeling of being rushed, shoved though it without giving us a chance to feel Jay's emotions... which also kind of just dropped instantly away when Gilfred woke him (love seeing more of them, by the way) and he forgot completely about them as he walked to breakfast. If you have ever watched, I, Robot you will have a pretty clear idea of what a nightmare can look like, and how it can effect you. The main character (actor is Will Smith, which automatically makes the movie awesome. ^.^) has these nightmares periodically through the movie, and they all center on one point of his life, one turning point which changed him. And it isn't made the center of the movie, but he gets up from bed and puts his head in his hands and just sits there for a moment, the nightmare going through his head, and voices. Oh, yes. The voices going through his mind, over and over--never stopping, almost like an echoing chant. Quite creepy, but very awesome.
I think you could do something like that to make it seem bigger, and more important.
As for everything else, this was another brilliant chapter! I loved how we got to see more of the trolls, and this new character was very interesting, and seems like a cool fellow. Although not as cool as Fleta.
I love mean authors.
~Darth Timmyjake
One more Review Week review before bed!
Are you serious right now?
This is kind of random, but I thought of it as I was reading this chapter. The title of the book, The Wool of the Prince, interests me. Is it inferring to Tart, since he is the prince?
I'm very happy that you featured a dream of Jay's. We haven't heard much at all about his family life, but just that little dream has told us a lot. Jay seems like such a nice guy, so I don't understand why he would be treated like an underdog, but it seems like he was. It makes me feel much more compassionate towards him. I'm glad that Shep and Fleta and the trolls are so nice to him. Gilfred was so sweet with him after Jay's bad dream.
I'll be back soon to catch up on my reviews! I find that I am definitely in love with this book and I am excited to resume reading!
Hey Fortis!
This first scene adds a lot to your world. It adds depth and shows how your world and the people in it have history. I think it's awesome:)
The dream is interesting. I wonder if somebody's starting to feel homesick? If you're still going for the "his life before sucked worse than anything" vibe, I'm still not getting it. He really doesn't seem like he had a horrifying life. Then again, I'm also saging for Ravenmoonstone with her child abuse story, so I suppose I'm biased:)
I didn't notice any nitpicks, so that's good:)
Sorry for the short review, but I really don't know what to say.
Me again Fortis!
Ah, all through reading this I didn't make a single note for things I could possibly comment on. I think this is just showing how wonderful your chapters are! I like how you kind of dismissed this cliffhanger which is fine to do occasionally, to bring us characters like Marc. Marc should come with them on their travels!
To fill in the gaping gap Fleta left *sniffles*But really, it is a possibility! I hope this isn't all we're going to see of Marc because it was such a brief meeting, and I feel like we didn't get much from his character at all from the little greet. So, hopefully more of him to come.I feel like we could've had a bit more from the dream. Yes, we got to see it for ourselves and we can tell Jay is shaken. But just as he ended up here by chance, does he ever wonder if anyone else is going to pop up in this world? Doesn't he ever wonder if there is a way back, and if so, does he really want to take it? I am glad you're not letting us forget the horror of his previous life and mentioning the fact that he still thinks about it. But I want to see more from this because we don't really get to see much of his previous life in story chapters, and all we have to make up for it are these fragments we get. So when we get one, make sure we can get a lot from it
Also, it would be pretty cool if they all headed back to this library we're hearing so much about. It would be nice to see it ourselves, and to let Jay be there too. Maybe Shep could just be scanning through to find out if there is possibly any information left that could help him find the final two sheep. That way we could also see a bit more of Marc, that is if he still works there
Other than that, I really have nothing more to say. Again, short chapters call from short reviews. Let me know whenever you post again, and keep up the good work. I'm looking forwards to whatever comes next ^^
Deanie x
Stop guessing my next chapter before it happens! XD
Yup all this and more to come! Thanks for your awesome reviews!
Oh boy, this was a real pleasure to read! I'm glad I chose to review this piece! I haven't read any other chapters (but I surely will in the near future) but because of how smooth and solid the writing is, and how natural the conversations sound, I don't feel too lost. Let me give you a big KUDOS for having proofread you work before putting it up (or being immune to grammar-errors and typos). I don't like having to spend half of my review time correcting spelling and talking about bad tense use or subject-verb agreement, and I certainly didn't have that task here! Your environment and scenes were not described in a deliberate way (an annoying way), but I have gotten a clear image of where the story is, just by your adding those nice little details.
I find the conversation about the sheep very interesting and strange. I doubt these sheep are actual farm animals, maybe people? a code name for some strange treasure that is scattered into pieces? I'd find it strange for people to be worrying so much about a few sheep if the sheep are really just... sheep.
So anyway you keep up the good work! I will read and review more of this story before long.