E - Everyone

Wool of the Prince-- Chapter 18

by Rook

Chapter 18

~1,725 words

Jay stayed in the inn with the trolls for the rest of the day while Shep spoke to other people around the city. It had sounded like Shep didn’t expect to find any trace of a sheep, but Jay remained hopeful. The trolls taught Jay how to play a game called “which road,” that involved cards and bluffing. It was a fairly simple game, and Jay got a hang of it right away.

While they played, Jay asked the trolls to tell him stories of their work as guardians of the road.

“It’s not always easy,” Godfrey started. “It take a powerful loyalty to your road, and skills to keep it safe. And a determination as ‘ard as iron. You have to be able to walk up and down the road in at least a week, no matter ‘ow long it is. If you can’t do that, you’ll never know what part might be falling apart, which bridge might have collapsed. If you ever see a collapsed bridge, it means there are no road trolls there, or they are the most inadequate trolls in Trevon.”

“It sounds a little dull to me…” started Jay.

“Oh it’s anything but!” exclaimed Gilfred. “There’s always new people to meet, and new challenges to face. It helps if you ‘ave interesting scenery too.” At this he puffed up a little. “And of course the pay’s not something to sneeze at.”

“There are always bonuses too, if the pay isn’t what you like,” said Godfrey, then laughed a dark laugh.

Jay was startled by the laugh. “What do you mean?”

Gilfred glared at Godfrey, then turned to Jay, pity in his expression. “There are sometimes travelers that… don’t make it. They’re thrown into bushes, or just left by the side of the road. Sometimes it’s thieves and bandits, but most of the time it’s natural causes. Of course everyone carries money with them when they travel.” Gilfred looked around uneasily.

Jay was aghast. “You steal from the dead?”

“Well it ain’t doing them any good is it?” Godfrey said defensively.

“I suppose not,” Jay murmured. He didn’t like the idea, but it wasn’t as if they had asked him to do it.

Eventually they tired of “which road” and Godfrey suggested that he tell a story. Jay agreed, and settled down in his chair to hear it.

“This is a story of how a man became part of the climbed his way to the stars…”

---

. Once there was a young man by the name of Menos. He lived deep in an ancient forest that since has been lost to time. He lived so deep within the forest that he had never seen the sky, just the leaves and branches that wove above him. But Menos was not a happy man. Every night he had a dream where he came home and felt happy, but every morning he woke up, in his home, and felt a desperate longing. He didn’t know what for.

There was an enchantress who lived in his forest village, and every year, she would grant one wish. Menos came to her one day and said “O great enchantress, who knows the footfall of every forest creature, I am lacking a piece of my heart. Help me find it.”

The enchantress looked at him with eyes as old as the mountains, searching for which piece of his heart was missing. Finally she said, “Have you ever seen the sky?”

Menos had heard stories from travelers about the sky and all her beauties, but he had never seen them himself. “No, I have not.”

“I believe this is what your heart is missing.”

“Then will you grant me my wish to see the sky?”

“Silly boy,” the enchantress said, laughing, “you don’t need a wish to see the sky. Just travel to the far reaches of the forest. At the edge of the trees, just look up. It will be there.”

So Menos did as she said. He traveled 5 days and 5 nights, and on the final night, he saw the edge of the forest. He ran until the final tree was behind him. Then he looked up. He immedietly felt a sense a vertigo, as if he might fall of the ground. He rushed back to the nearest tree then looked carefully up again. A dome of beautiful lights. The moon was like a shining lake, and the stars (there were fewer then) were like fireflies that had landed on the sky. But everything was a brilliant white, a celestial glow Menos had never seen before.

Maybe it was because the moon was full that night and he became a little bit moon-struck, maybe it was because the part of his heart that was missing was still up above in the sky, but for whatever reason, Menos longed to be a part of it.

So he ran back to the middle of the forest. He fell down at the feet of the enchantress, crying “I must touch the stars and hold the moon. Make this my wish for I cannot live without them beside me.”

She looked down on him, eyes full of pity, for she too knew the yearning to dance among the stars. “I grant thee thy wish, Menos.” She touched his forehead, then each temple, and Menos started to rise. He broke through the tree branches as his body disintegrated into a million glowing pieces. These pieces became most of the stars we see today. The stars that were already in his sky was the missing piece of his heart.

The moon is his best friend, for whenever she is not shining down on our world, she is conversing with Menos, the man who dances on a beach of stars.

---

“That was a beautiful story,” Jay breathed, after Godfrey had finished.
“Thank you. My mother always told it to me.” Godfrey’s eyes looked wistful. Gilfred looked like he was remembering the same thing, but he was silent.

The rest of the evening was spent talking about small things. When Shep returned, Jay’s heart lifted for just a moment, but seeing the weary face of the old shepherd told Jay everything he needed to know. Shep trudged into his room without a greeting to any of them. A few minutes later, Marc came in, looking a little guilty. He spotted Jay and the trolls, and came over, sitting in the seat next to them.

“I lost him there at the end. Has Shep come back yet?” Marc asked, looking around.

“Yes, he headed straight into his room,” answered Jay.

“Ah. I can understand why. We had to deal with some difficult people today.” Marc rubbed his wrist absentmindedly.

“Like who?”

“Well there was this old man who said he saw something strange and magical. When Shep asked him to show him where, the old man just smiled and shook his head. Shep had to get a little violent with him—he’s desperate, you know?—and he doesn’t like to resort to violence. When we got to the place, it turned out the only magical thing there was a con man doing magic tricks. It took its toll on Shep.” Marc sighed. “It was a long day of hard searching. And we didn’t even cover a quarter of the city.”

“That’s no fun,” Gilfred sympathized.

“No, it was not. Shep’s leaving tomorrow, but I’m going to keep looking, when I can. There would be no better place to hide a sheep then right here in the biggest city in Trevon. I’m sure there’s one here. I can feel it.” With that, Marc ordered fruitwashes for all of them.

Marc told more stories of difficult citizens as Jay sipped his fruitwash. It tasted like peaches, honey, vanilla, and of course, that one thing Jay could never recognize. When he reached the bottom, he vaguely wondered what the black crunchy things actually were. They reminded him of poppy seeds, but they didn’t have the same taste, and these were a little more… brittle. Jay was so absorbed in analyzing the contents of his fruitwash that he didn’t even notice Marc had asked him a question.

“Jay?” Marc prompted.

“What?” Jay looked up to see everyone looking at him.

“I asked you where you were from. Shep told me that you were from far away, but when I asked from where, he said that was yours to tell.”

“Oh. I’m from… well. It’s complicated. I’m from a different world. It has lights that don’t need fire, and machines to do complicated things. It has coaches that can move a hundred times faster than horses, and many inventions that you can communicate with people who live far away instantly. It has buildings that scrape the sky, hundreds of stories high. We have been to the bottom of the sea. We have been into space. We have landed on the moon.” Jay had told this to Fleta while they were traveling a while back, and she had had a hard time imagining just one of these things.

Marc threw back his head and laughed. “As if you could even touch the moon. Where are you really from? If you don’t want to tell me, just say so.”

Jay felt his face grow hot. “No, I really am from such a place.”

“Light without fire? What would be burning then?”

“It’s more like lightning. It’s called electricity.” Jay crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t care if you believe it or not, it’s where I’m from, and you can take it or leave it.”

“Haw! Electricity. Even that sounds storybook.” Then Marc settled a bit and said, “there was a point in time when I would deny the place where I was born. But right now I’ll admit it, seeing as it doesn’t really matter. I was born and raised in Grubania.”

“That’s the country that has always had tense relations with Trevon, right?”

“My word, boy. When you pretend to be dumb as that, your story’s almost believable. Yes, Grubania and Trevon have been warring on and off for years.” Marc shook his head and chuckled, seeming to marvel at Jay’s stupidity.

Jay decided he had had enough for one night, and quietly crept off for bed when Marc was distracted with paying the bill.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review · Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:30 am

Hey fortis! Gosh, I'm soooo behind!!! Don't worry, though, I'll catch up someday! I'm just really happy that you're still working on this novel so fervently. It's rare that the author can finish chapters so fast.

a game called “which road,”

Just a suggestion: I would capitalize the title of the game.
Godfrey suggested that he tell a story. Jay agreed, and settled down in his chair to hear it.

When I read this, I was certain that it was Jay who told the story, but as I learned after the story was finished, it was clearly Godfrey.
“This is a story of how a man became part of the climbed his way to the stars…”

Huh? Maybe you meant to say, "This is a story of how a man climbed his way to the stars and became part of the sky."
Jay looked up to see everyone looking at him.

The double-usage of "look" is a bit repetitive. Why not replace "looking" with "staring" or "peering?"


The story about Menos and the sky is gorgeous! Did you come up with the story yourself? If so, I am deeply impressed!

Jay's description of Earth was perfect. It truly reminds the reader how greatly the human race has advanced in technology over the past centuries. After Godfrey's story about the star and moon, it was a nice connection to mention that Earthlings have even been on the moon.

I remember that you asked us in the club if we noticed any differences between the two trolls, so I was looking out for their different personality traits in this chapter. As far as I could tell, Gilfred is the sweeter and more positive troll. On the other hand, Godfrey, though still a kind soul, symbolizes the more common idea of what a "troll" is, if you know what I mean!

As always, great job! Until next time, keep it up! :D

Thank you for your review, and don't worry about being behind. When someone reviews one of the earlier chapters, it reminds me of what has happened thus far in the novel. All the little details. It's actually super helpful.

And you're right about the trolls. That's what I was trying to write them as, but I wasn't sure if the idea ever got across. I'm glad you saw it, because it means that the two characters aren't absolutely equal in everyone's minds. ^-^

And yes, I came up with the story myself! I actually made a children's book (illustrations and all) out of it for creative writing! I should upload that to the club...

Thanks again~

Wow, you definitely should! It's a beautiful story! :)

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:57 am

Hi there! Noelle back again for another Review Day review!

Well, looks like I just had to wait a chapter to see the trolls again ^_^ I always end up doing that...

I want to talk about the story that Godfrey tells for a second. I really only have something to say about the structure of it at this point. Having the little line breaks before and after the story suggests that this story isn't a story, but really a time skip or a break that separates one part of the story from the other. However, this story fits perfectly into the story as Godfrey is the one telling it. Instead of using those breaks, I'd suggest just using quotation marks at the beginning of the paragraphs and one at the end of the story to let us know that it is Godfreay speaking and it's not just happening now, in the timing of the story. Otherwise, it seems like a completely different scene from the one where the trolls and Jay are sitting in the inn playing cards and telling stories.

It seems that I should've withheld most of my comments about Marc as well xD We get to see more of him in this chapter, more of his character and personality. I knew that he and Shep were friends, but I didn't know that they were this good of friends. Marc seems very sympathetic towards Shep. It's also sweet to take it upon himself to keep searching the city even though Shep is leaving. This really gives us a better idea of who Marc is exactly, and I like it. This is what I was looking for in previous chapters.

I find it ironic that Godfrey tells that story about the stars and then Marc doesn't believe that Jay's "people" have been to the moon. It's as if Marc grew up listening to that story too and didn't believe in it. So when he heard Jay say something about reaching the moon and stars, he couldn't help but laugh.

It's nice here to have a chapter that just slows things down. Sure this isn't a high octane, action novel, but it is an adventure, and adventurers need their rest too. Having Jay just sit down and play cards and listen to stories gets his mind, and ours, off of the fact that there are sheep to find and a missing map that can lead them to the sheep. We all get a bit of a breather, getting a chance to relax from the dangers and struggles.

Alright, that's it for me with this review. I'm looking forward to reading more! Onto the next chapter!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here!

I honestly don't have much to say on this chapter. Yet again, a lot more characterization in these, and I love, love the longer chapters. To be honest, the shorter one's didn't give me enough time to get into the scene, because they began and ended so quickly. This is nice. Longer scenes. I can become more enraptured and sucked in, because I have more time to be pulled into it. So thank you! Also, if you want to write longer chapters, but don't want to burden us with 2000, and 3000+ pieces all at once, you can split them up into parts. That always works nicely. ^.^ But this length is perfect for reviewing.

I thought the part with the trolls explaining the road and what they do was really cool. Beforehand, I knew they did something with the road, but it was kind of vague as to what their specific duty was there, and what the job entailed, etc... But this chapter really cleared that up. For some reason, I found that they took the money from the dead people only... normal for them. I mean, they see things differently than people do. That really solidifies that. A person would try to bury them or just leave them alone, call the police or someone--I dunno--but they have an entirely different mindset. Jay's reaction was good, too.

I found the story quite... cute, and very beautiful, really. I loved the entire storyline and the enchantress and everything. Mason being transported up into the stars was simply gorgeous, and I just... I dunno what to say about it. It was a wonderful little story, and while most of the time I think these things slow down the book, this one didn't. It added a lot to the trolls, and made them seem more personable and... human, I guess.

Godfrey started.
me…” started Jay.


Nitpick pretty obvious there. Same tagline directly after each other. With said, it's easy to get away with. Not one that isn't used as frequently.

He traveled 5 days and 5 nights, and on the


Usually, you write out the numbers, instead of using the numeral.

He immedietly felt a sense a vertigo


Immediately is spelled incorrectly, and I believe you should replace the second a with of.

“Well there was this old man


I believe comma after "well"?

Even that sounds storybook.”


I think Marc calling it fantasy or fairytale nonsense would be more appropriate, but that is just my opinion. ^.^

Really, I think this was the best chapter yet. It told us all about their character and brought us closer to the Trolls. That was the best part of the chapter, for me. I have felt that their characters were kind of pushed back into the shadows for the previous chapters, but you are really opening them up. And that is awesome. :)

Be caught up soon!
~Darth Timmyjake

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:49 pm

Hi Fortis!

*Throws a little party* Yay! I'm all caught up :D I like being on top of things.

So, an interesting chapter. We got some more of the trolls and Marc, which were characters I was begging to see more of. Which is awesome! We got a nice little story in there too, which I guess is culture to this world? It would be even better if the little random story came back some time in the story and played a part in helping find the sheep or something... I dunno :D Just throwing ideas out there! Also, I love how Marc didn't believe Jay at first. That seemed realistic and all the new ideas and things Jay's explaining must be pretty overwhelming.

This is a story of how a man became part of the climbed his way to the stars…”


A man became part of what? I think you're missing an all important word in there.

then looked carefully up again. A dome of beautiful lights.


I feel like that was a bit abrupt when it came to putting in a sentence fragment. And seeing as you didn't use anymore either, it seems kind of broken and awkward in there. I'd suggest making it a full sentence and possibly even linking it to the one that follows after this (not included in the quote, sorry).

“That’s the country that has always had tense relations with Trevon, right?”


Wait, how does Jay even know that? He only learnt the areas by name, and vaguely at it as well, just yesterday! How can he know about relationships between lands, unless I have missed out on something? I just felt he was a bit more knowledgeable than he should've been.

But right now I’ll admit it, seeing as it doesn’t really matter. I was born and raised in Grubania.”


He makes it sound like him being raised in Grubania means that all those things Jay claimed could possibly be true. So, that makes me wonder, what is so special about his land? What's so different about it from these around here that could make such tales believable?

Honestly, besides those few points there really is nothing more I can pick out. What wonderful writing you've been doing lately Fortis. My only wish is that there was more to read and the chapters longer for me to enjoy. I feel sad to see Shep so frustrated, but is job is a hard one. I hope they get some fruitful information sometime soon and that this next journey is not pointless.

Let me know when you post more!

Deanie x

User avatar
Ventomology
Review

Hey! Happy Review Day, and sorry I didn't get to these sooner.

Anyways, this story format reminds me greatly of Where the Mountain Meets the Moon. I can't wait to see how you bring Menos's story into the plot. (Because you'd better do it.)

Now for my one and only nitpick:

I’m from a different world. It has lights that don’t need fire, and machines to do complicated things. It has coaches that can move a hundred times faster than horses, and many inventions that you can communicate with people who live far away instantly. It has buildings that scrape the sky, hundreds of stories high. We have been to the bottom of the sea. We have been into space. We have landed on the moon.”
There's nothing seriously wrong here, but it sounds very rehearsed. I'd think that Jay would struggle a bit more to explain Earth things to people who have no idea what electricity is. Also, the way you've repeated the first word of the sentences, while it can be an effective tool, feels wrong in dialogue. People just don't talk that way.

Heh, that was the only thing that stuck out to me, really. Also, I would have liked to see more action, or more thoughts on Jay's part. There is a lot of talking, which I know is the best way to convey things with such a large cast, but I'd still like to see Jay simply doing more.

Okay, last comment before I get on with compliments: I feel like you could add some little actions in the beginning, when Jay is playing 'which road' with the trolls. Just little things, like '...said he, as Gilfred laid down such-and-such-card' and whatnot. The game doesn't feel like it's all there.

Whew... now that that's over with. I love the way you tell the fairy-tales. They have a certain language to them that the rest of the story doesn't have, like, they're more poetic. I especially like your use of 'wove' to describe the forest canopy.

Well, that's all from me today. Have a good time at your camp!

Random avatar
kayfortnight
Review

Hello! I was posting my next chapter for the contest, so I figured I'd get around to reviewing yours, too:)

Hehe...I find the trolls getting all happy about their job so cute. Although...I just realized this. When do they have to go back to work? They can't abandon their job by following Shep and Jay around forever.

It's funny to me when Jay has such outrage over the trolls taking from the dead-he should have expected a little culture clash, being in a different universe and all. Then again, it might not be full culture clash, considering the trolls weren't matter of fact, this is normal here, about it but nervous.

Story within a story!!! I will now wait for this story to become relevant in a later chapter, as all stories within a story tend to do. It's beautiful, just be aware that readers will be watching for relevancy, like the possibility of them coming across the enchantress.

I also love how revealing Jay is about being from another world:) One would think sooner or later he'd figure out there are dangerous things in this world that will exploit that, but apparently he's just that naive and trusting. Still, maybe Marc being dismissive of his story will teach him to hide it a little more-a good thing, considering someone who knew his story and believed it could have ill intentions towards him because of it.



No matter what happens I'll always know there's a quote of mine in the YWS quote generator.
— looseleaf