Chapter 12
~1,345 words
The light seemed to be coming from behind the wall, filtering between tiny cracks between it and the surrounding walls. Then the wall rose up into the ceiling, moving with some unknown force. Behind it were stairs leading upwards, torches lighting the way.
“This place reeks of magic,” Godfrey muttered.
“That’s a good sign that the sheep will be here,” said Fleta. They mounted the stairs and started their ascent.
Jay knew that there would be many stairs, based on how far they had come down. He was just glad that he didn’t have to climb back up the rope.
The stairs spiraled around themselves, each loop getting bigger, and each step getting steeper. At the beginning each step was only about two inches high, but at the end of the stair case, Jay needed to pull himself up onto the step which was about four feet high. The trolls—a good deal shorter than the rest of the group—had to be helped up. Their muscles were threatening to give out by the time they reached the top, but a feeling of soon discovery kept them going. They finally emerged into a lavishly-decorated room.
The walls were covered with tapestries and tile, all a scarlet and gold. The torch light flickered over all the golden threads. On the far wall was a podium, at the top of which a sheep slept blissfully. Jay started toward the sheep, ready to get out of this strange cave, but before he could take two steps, Shep put his hand out.
“Wait. We know there’s magic here. It wouldn’t be this easy to get to the sheep, I fear. There must be a trap,” Shep said.
A low rumble shook the ground and made the tapestries swing. What seemed like an enormous rock hit the ground, then uncurled to form a sizable beast. It had the face of a woman, the torso of a lion, and the rear and tail of a dragon. And she was all made of stone.
“What is it?” whispered Fleta.
“What is she,” the creature corrected in a voice too low to sound believably female. Jay could feel her gravelly words resonate in his chest.
“She is a sphinx-dragon-golem hybrid,” answered Shep. “I’ve never seen one before.”
“So a… dragolinx?” whispered Gilfred.
“I suppose. What say you, madam?” asked Shep.
“It is not the worst name I have heard,” she sniffed.
“Tell us, great dragolinx, what do we need to do to reach the sheep?” Shep asked.
A sound somewhere between a purr, a roar, and a laugh echoed around the room. “You just need to answer a riddle! Isn’t that easy? Only one of you can know the answer, and only one guess you get. If you get it right, you win the sheep. If you get it wrong, I win your heads. Sound fair?”
“No,” muttered Fleta.
“We will accept,” Shep said quickly, giving Fleta an annoyed look.
“Grand,” the dragolinx said, sitting on the ground, “I’ll wait here until you’re ready to guess. This is the riddle:
“Sometimes solid, sometimes gaseous,
rarely in liquid state it passes.
Seeming to float, but is heavy too,
always moving, but appears not to.
Generally barren, rarely lush,
when there is a problem, to these people rush.
Known for ages, of varying size,
One of you knows, what am I?”
“Well? One of you knows!” shouted Shep. “What is it?”
Everyone looked at each other. No one appeared to know.
“I’m sitting down,” announced Fleta. “If I have to stand for one more second, I’m going to collapse.” The whole group followed her lead.
“Let’s take this line by line and see what we can come up with,” said Shep. “Something that’s sometimes solid, and sometimes gaseous. That would obviously point to water, but water isn’t “rarely” liquid.”
“Maybe it’s something like the ice that’s so cold it’ll rip your fingers off, but steams when it gets warm, straight into gas, but not into liquid,” offered Fleta.
“Dry ice,” said Jay.
“Ah yes, that’s a rather poetic name for it,” said Shep.
“No, that’s what its common name is. It’s frozen carbon dioxide.”
Shep looked blankly at Jay. “I’m not sure what you mean then. Let’s move on. ‘Seeming to float but is heavy too.’ That reminds me of one of those heavy birds…”
But Jay wasn’t listening. His head was spinning round and around like the stairs they had climbed up, like the circles Fleta had jumped through that all seemed to connect to each other and all circle around one center point. His mind focused on the idea that only one person would know the answer. He was from a different world! He must be the one to know the answer. If he could just focus.
It was true that dry ice was sometimes solid and sometimes gaseous, but as far as he knew, it wasn’t ever liquid. There were probably other combinations of elements that could fit that description, but Jay hadn’t really paid attention in chemistry class. He had been too worried that someone would put a drop of hydrochloric acid on his neck. Again. Jay’s head started spinning again, running in cycles through his science classes.
There was biology, when the teacher had paired him with that pretty blonde girl to demonstrate something about genes. She had said that she wouldn’t want her children to have any of his genes. Then in earth science, when that guy had likened a volcano’s eruption to the acne on Jay’s face. And in physics, when a group of guys pushed him down on his way to class every day to demonstrate how gravity worked. And in that unit of astronomy when they had spun him around to show to him what it was like to be a planet…
A planet. Didn’t Shep say that he had no idea what a planet was? Planets could be solid or gaseous, and Jay supposed that Earth counted as a liquid planet. They seemed to float in space but were massive, and thus heavy. And they always move, but when you stand on one, you can’t feel it moving beneath you. “Generally barren, rarely lush,” again, only Earth out of all the planets in its solar system had life that he knew of.
“When there is a problem, to these people rush.” That had Jay stuck. That seemed to point to something more like leaders, or maybe even drugs. Jay thought for a moment, then remembered that some people relied on astrology to predict their future, or to solve their problems. He figured it could work. And the rest of the lines fit with planets: they had been known on Earth even in early history, and they did come in varying sizes…
“Jay! Hello? I’m asking you a question!” Fleta was snapping her fingers in front of his face.
“Wait what?” Jay snapped out of this train of thought.
Fleta sighed. “I was asking you why you had such a big grin on your face.”
Jay realized his cheeks were starting to get sore from his smile. “I’ve figured out the answer.”
“You have?” said Shep, raising an eyebrow. “Is it a good answer? The best answer we could come up with was…” he lowered his voice, “feces.”
Jay wrinkled his nose. “Ew, no. It’s something you guys don’t know, so that makes it even better.”
“I suppose so,” said Shep.
“But are you sure?” asked Gilfred, “I don’t fancy losing me ‘ead.”
“I’m very sure. I would say you could do something to me if I was wrong, but we’ll all be dead, so sorry.”
“That’s a lovely thought,” muttered Godfrey.
The dragolinx turned her head toward Jay. “Would you like to make a guess? You answer must be in proper rhyming couplet form.”
“What?”
“Indeed. Make it rhyme.” The dragolinx smiled and crossed her paws.
Jay thought for a moment, then spoke. “Through my head I ran and ran it, the answer would be a planet.”
The dragolinx pouted, and then crumbled to dust.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Timmy here!
I really liked the adventure, the danger, the character development, how the entire story revolves but then doesn't revolve around the these sheep-who-aren't-really-sheep. Yeah. I am just raving now. 
Being the last reviewer is so tough. <.< Now I don't know what to say! They have all stolen the words right out of my mouth. Every riddling word I could have said to express my admiration. Well, I will just have to make it more original this time.
I thought the riddle was just amazing. Not only does everyone find those riddling sphinx's (Thank goodness for spell checker--I never would have gotten that spelled right!) awesome, but having your character's being faced with constant danger and threats makes your story so tense and fun to read. Jay's journey through this chapter was really cool, too, because it showed us something of his past life on Earth--something I would have hoped to see more of a reference to. So far this seems to be one big quest to get sheep. hee-hee If you told that to someone, using the same words exactly, they would look at you with bugged-out eyes. This is so much more than that.
Wait... how big is this room? You say what it looks like, and what the entire place is like, but you never state how big it is, really.
Bleh. sizable could mean a lot of things, and isn't really a good word if you are trying to say HUGE and if you are trying to tell us that this is a medium sized monster, it could be misleading. A word of advice: The hugerish the monster, the more coolerish it is.
This is as close as it comes to fear in this entire chapter, it seems. I mean, this scary monster just dropped from heaven-knows-where, and changed from a rock to a man eating thingy, and they aren't quivering in fear? And then when the monster talked, her voice was truly intimidating and you touched on that a little bit to make it sound like she was a little scary, but you never went away with it, and I think in this case its a good idea to take this by the tail and look it in the eyes. Erm, yesh. This monster is big and scary, yes? Make your character feel frightened, or at least show that the monster is extremely intimidating, and the message will flow across to your readers as well.
Why all this shouting by Shep? Is he shouting so that the sphinx thinks he knows and is super confident or something? Whatever his reason is--maybe hearing issues, I dunno--you need to make sure he has a reason to yell, even though the people who he's talking to are only feet away from him.
I just... Perfect. That is my favorite line so far in this entire novel. Simple and not even moving, but just brilliant. An almost subtle description of the character, even.
That seemed either 1) too drastic or 2) too sudden. I haven't quite decided which it is yet. I liked the fact that the critter started to pout. It was quite a visual! But the crumbling to dust wasn't touched on enough, because I would like to have more of a picture with it. How did it crumble to dust? If they are close to this creature, some of the stone would hit them, right? So if she is going to crumble, make it really big and powerful.
I really loved this chapter, and your book is getting better and better as we go through. I feel as though I know your characters as people in real life, because they are that personable and easy to relate to in so many ways that I... I can only hope to someday equal the novelist you have written into.
~Darth Timmyjake
Thank you so much for your continuing reviews!
This is exactly the problem I run into when someone asks me to give a quick synopsis of the book. I just kinda sit there and go, "...well there's sheep..."
I'll take what you said into consideration. And the crumbling to dust was both too drastic and too sudden, and it was written that way for humor. Was it funny? >.>
I actually didn't realize it was written humorish, so no, I wouldn't call it funny. Perhaps someone with a different sense of humor than my own would think it so?
There is so much more to your book than sheep. They are just the main issue at the present.
I thought that the sphinx crumbling into dust was actually too drastic because I just assumed that it meant the thingy was dead... And I dunno if that is the image you want to give your reader or not.
And more adventure to come! 
To me, the sheep is just a little bitty part of the plot. Right now its the center, but I can tell your story is going to evolve into more as we go through. The real story is within Jay, and his... adaption into this fantasy world you have thrust him into, and the journey he takes to find himself inside it.
That, so far, is how I see it.
Man, I have some serious catching up to do!
This doesn't really make that much sense.
I am in love with this chapter!!! Sorry, I can already tell that this is going to be a short review because I really don't have much to say except praise.
The riddle was absolutely wonderful!!! I loved that only Jay knew the answer, since he was from a different world. It was great when we got to learn a little more about Jay's past on Earth. The science class stories were very amusing.
Excellent job!
Clever riddle. I thought it was air.
Hey there Fortis!
As these chapters go on, you make it harder and harder for me to review. They keep getting better and better! I also thought maybe the thing with the riddle might make this chapter a bit boring, but you managed to maintain my interest as well. So fab job there 
Another thing I really liked was how Jay solved the riddle. You managed to show us a bit more of what his life was like before he got stranded on this planet and how he was bullied there. I am still curious to know if he even has an inkling of wanting to come back? He seems to be enjoying himself quite the bit here!
Thanks for letting me know the next chapter was posted
You use the word 'wall' quite a bit here, which got a little repetitive. Maybe change the 'the' in front of the first use of wall to a, which makes it clear that it's only one of the walls which is letting light through. That means we can cut the rest of the sentence after the word cracks. I would also change the first 'between' to a through instead. And it doesn't matter if you use wall a second time either. I think I explained this in a bit of a complicated way, so this is what I mean: The light seemed to be coming from behind a wall, filtering through tiny cracks across its surface.
I know this is indirect repetition, but still the 'all gold' and 'all golden' was noticeable. Perhaps you should keep both the words gold and golden, because they aren't too bad if the all is taken out of the second sentence. It isn't really needed there, and it's what reminds me that I've heard golden recently as well.
I wonder why the dragolinx gave them a riddle to solve? I mean, most monsters, when hungry, eat you and don't ask too many questions until afterwards! What is it about the dragolinx that makes her different from others? Is it because she is cursed, or because dragolinx's have an element of tradition in seeing their prey struggling mentally before they usually get eaten up anyways? Does she take pleasure in the fact that most creatures from the world don't even know what a planet is, so they never get the answer correct? Like the other reviewers below said, we need to see more for the dragolinx, and I hope these are some ideas which can help prompt you on to doing this.
Also, when they first see the dragolinx they kind of stand around and chat. I wouldn't really do that if there was a monster right there in front of me! I would go into a defensive position first, or maybe even take a few steps backwards! Make them a little frightened or preparing to fight as they have this discussion, maybe with wobbling voices or something. It's a monster!
I loved the description you gave of her though. A mixture of all these things sounds pretty scary to me
Even though she is only there for this chapter, she is the only live obstacle we have come across to get to the sheep yet! I feel like she needs more of a exit. Maybe she says something, like your the first to solve this, or 'oh man, I was hungry' or even yells at them accusingly before she disappears. Maybe she thinks, forget it, I'll just try to eat them anyways and has a fight with them before disappearing. But I do think she deserves a bigger exit than this ^.^
Other than those few things, I don't really have much else to say. Keep up the awesome writing, and let me know when you post more
Deanie x
I love your reviews because you point out all the things I write and think "gee, that needs to be fixed," but then I think I can get away with it and no one will notice, but then you do. You keep me from being lazy! XD
I'll definitely work on these things.
D: Lazy fortis baaaad
No problem!
I like Shep's answer :wicked grin:
You gave such beautiful descriptions of everything else, but you didn't really give a good description of the Dragolix. You just said what animals you'd squish together to get it. If you were asked to describe one of those individual parts, like a woman or a lion, would you just say it exists, so it needs no description? I hope you wouldn't. Is the woman fair or homely, a crone or a girl, dark or light? Is the lion powerful or weak, golden furred or dingy yellow? Give us a picture that allows use to tell the emotions the Dragolix is supposed to evoke.
Sorry this review is short, but I honestly don't have much to say here. Just keep on writing:)
Hi there!
I was under the impression that this was written in third person limited. But here, you jump from Jay's POV to the trolls. Really, we shouldn't know what the trolls are thinking. We should only know what Jay thinks about the trolls.
So I have to say, you did a good job with the riddle. I feel like we all have some expectation for a riddle when we read one. Because there are so many riddles in literature and film out there. There's like, a permanent image of a riddle stuffed into our brains. Yours here didn't disappoint. Although if I were to be super duper picky about something, I'd point out that you rhymed 'too' with 'to', which is basically the same word, yes? I think changing that up would've worked better.
In this chapter we get a good look at how hard it is to get to the sheep. Before I had just thought that the sheep were wandering around the world (you'd think after all the fantasy novels I've read that involved magic I would know better). But now I have a better idea of how everything works. It makes sense now that the sheep are hidden by some sort of magic. The thing I like about finding out this information is that you don't tell us. You just throw it in there like it's common knowledge.
I agree with Buggie about the dragolinx. Yes she's only there for a little while and she disappears quickly. But I'd still like to know how she acts. I think throwing something in there where Jay quickly looks at her while he's thinking would be a good thing. Is she towering over them? Breathing deeply? Looking at them as if she knew they'd fail? Something along those lines. Because right now she turns up, tells the riddle, then disappears. Give us some more details.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Yo! Very nice job this week.
My biggest complaint would have to be the dragolinx's lack of personality. I mean, yeah, she's a minor character, and yeah, she crumbles at the end, but we could have gotten a lot more from the way she speaks. Is she like a temptress, or like a judge, or what? ADVERBS CAN BE YOUR FRIEND IN SPARSE NUMBERS.
And my only other comment is that Jay's answer needs one more syllable in the second half. Maybe use 'has to' instead of 'would'?
Other than that, very nice. I love how much action goes on while everyone is speaking, and the description of the room+stairs was fantabulous.
Catch you later!
-Buggie