Hullo E.E! Cat here to review this poem in the spirit of review day! I'm going to try a different style of reviewing, so I hope it is still helpful!
I really enjoy this poem and the imagery and feelings you packed in. Some of my favorite lines were "I am the star that is dying but still living." and "The dust is not bunnies, but demons." I love the reference to 'dust bunnies'.
I couple things I want to suggest: Here, "Someone see me.
For I am more than just a single leaf," I think it would be better if you placed a semi-colon at the end of the first line and a period at the end of the second.In this line I would replace the comma with a semi-colon; "Someone listen to me without stopping my soft words, my flitting voice." And here; "Down a pit, of everlasting nothingness." I feel as if the comma breaks up the sentence too much and would be better off without it. Last one; I wonder if they will ever leave,
their cold touch so terrifying, that few can ever leave." The latter line is the only place where you don't capitalize the fist word of the sentence. It is also a bit confusing, so I have a suggestion on how to reword it so you can fix the comma weirdness and confusingness. "I wonder if they will ever leave;
With their cold touch so terrifying, that few ever leave." To conclude this, I just want to say this is what I think would help your poem, but they are all just suggestions.
Well, great job! Keep writing!
Points: 1846
Reviews: 102
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