Young Writers Society

This is another wonderful and tricky poem that I will be deciphering, and I am ZeldaIsShiek! I have a lot to save today, so let's get to it!

First of all, I'd like to state the underlying theme of this poem that is the fact that the poet of this poem is the one who is manipulating the lover, someone who loves them very much, and is trying to assure them that they love them, but the person this poem is directed at is not so sure that they are really loved. The secret message is "TOGETHER HONEY," and I think I know Why. After all, it's really just another clue to the meaning of this entire poem! Though the title is "Distance Hurts," I can not be sure that this is the theme of the poem itself, and the titles are not always the same as the poems themselves. On to the meaning!

The main reason I came to the conclusion that I did was the last line. Though the protagonist says, "You love me and I you love, don't you see?," they use the weird structure and passive state of the second clause in the sentence to trick the audience into thinking it's a balanced relationship while it is in fact anything but balanced. Heads I win, tails you lose. Fair... But not really. Good work.

-ZeldaIsShiek

Yes distance hurts a lot, I can relate to this poem so much, I really like this one....distance is painful I agree and your poem about distance is strong, it hit me, really! Distance can be far, but distance can be close in our hearts, because Love is very powerful. I love the last two lines very much and I like the line '' To hear my voices as I hear yours'' that is straight to the point, that line is beautiful. Distance looks painful but we can hold our dear ones close in the Heart

Well this was a quick review from Bree,

Keep on writing and let me know when you post something new...
You are really a good Poet!

Love: Bree

Ooh woow I know the disctance is a painful thing. But it makes us also feeling stronger. The distance in Love is hard, this poem really describes my feelings. I miss someone too, very much and I can't see him anymore. So yes distance hurts. It is not fair sometimes in Life, but with hope and our dreams we can go really far. We grow each and every day. I know he is now far away from me, but he stays close in my Heart....always..

Really enjoyed your poem....one like for you!

Hey Flumadiddle,

Here for a short yet sweet review on your poem, so let's get straight into it

TOGETHER HONEY - I noticed that straight away, this completely goes against the comments about taking the 'ohs' out because it would ruin the intention/style of the poem.

Alot of people underestimate age, I think it's a gift that you can write so well at 14!
You also state that this is your first try at poetry ( I doubt ever) but it's a good debut piece on YWS

Going for an anagram in a poem is quite challenging, especially when the work is getting reviewed, alot of people will comment on the lousy fillers that people use on certain words. The word 'hey' isn't exactly great. It sounds too casual. I can't recommend any suggestions for you that would provide the same length unfortunately.

I think in your position it would be better to establish that your poem is acrostic with a short message at the bottom. Otherwise alot of reviewers will dig into the fact that you used words like 'oh' and 'hey'.

When conveying the theme of comfort, a strong ending to the poem isn't always needed. So I disagree with @Steggy's comments on the 'sudden' ending.

'Especially the strongest of them all'
What is them in this context? Who is them? I'm confused, is it the abstract feeling?

Overall I enjoyed reading the poem and thought it was a good start, particularly because it was your first time...

If you have any questions in regards to my comments or want to PM me about any queries, please don't hesitate!

PenmanshipPriorities

Hello Flumadiddle! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

This review courtesy of

Hello, Steggy here for a short review!

I really do like the message you are conveying in this poem, mainly since it deals with kind of a long distance relationship on the rocks, I suppose. What I think is the strongest about this is the meaning behind each of the words that are within this. Another thing would be the beginning and ending because it is almost some calming words that the narrator is speaking to the person they love. While I do like some of the lines in this poem, I do believe you could make it a bit better and with that, let's get into the nitpicks.

The first nitpick I have would be maybe having two voices in one poem. By that I mean, you could do where the narrator speaks and then in italics or something, have the lover response to their message. That way it can be kind of a poetic and symbolic thing of their long-distance relationship. Then, maybe even in the end, have their thoughts combine, showing that they are together. I think if you were to do that, it could possibly bring the poem together nicely.

Oh, but close your eyes my dear,

Get ready to watch as this story unfolds.

Hey, this is love, can't you see?

Especially the strongest of them all.