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Blanket Threads and Flower Petals

by DeerInBacPac, woahhitherepal


Another collab with @woahhitherepal!

bold- pal 

normal- fluma

Everything seems to be falling apart, no?

The seams coming undone,

the whole quilt tearing?

Each stitch

Comes unlooped,

And finally

Breaks.

Why is it now, that I finally break?

A flower vase,

shattered against the wood floor.

the flowers

that were once there

are scattered

The petals are worn

And weak.

And yet,

it grows stronger then before. 


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Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:15 pm
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LakeOfCancer wrote a review...



This was amazing E.E.! I think that this shows how people are sometimes not ok inside. How they say they're fine but they know that they aren't. It's emotional, like your breaking inside, and I love how you use two different people to describe it. I love how you two come together to say what you feel about it! It' so refreshing, even if it isn't the most positive thing in the world.




DeerInBacPac says...


Thank you!



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Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:01 am
LittleLee wrote a review...



Aww man, you should publish your stuff. This is really sweet!
So, I didn't get this part, where at one point you describe the quilt and then describe yourself as the flower vase. Sticking to one or neither would be a bit better, I think.
Saying "wooden" floor sounds better.
I think the part where the flowers are scattered is too obvious to put into the poem.
But I really liked this poem! Keep it up!




DeerInBacPac says...


Thank you!



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Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:46 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Flumadiddle and @woahhitherepal! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Everything seems to be falling apart, no?

The seams {come} undone,

the whole quilt tearing?

Each stitch

Comes unlooped,

And finally

Breaks. {Maybe do a little formatting with this one, like "b r e a k s" to make it look like it broke}

Why is it now, that {I} finally break?

A flower vase,

shattered against the wood floor.

the flowers

that were once there

are scattered{.}

The petals are worn{,}

And weak.

And yet,

it grows stronger then {ever} before.


My interpretation:



I like the imagery in this piece, portraying a person falling apart through a flower vase.

Overall:



Overall, I did like it. Both of you are definitely improving. However, how do quilts and vases go with each other? They're two different things. I would include something -- like a stanza -- in the poem to connect the two. Keep up the great work!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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you find quilts and vases in old lady houses. thats how they go together



DeerInBacPac says...


yes. and old ladys die. Which means bad emotions.






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Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:00 pm
DeerInBacPac says...



@woahhitherepal ADRIAN LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK




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Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:34 pm
LordTachanka says...



It's so good! Can't help myself must review!




DeerInBacPac says...


Yesssss



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Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:30 pm



"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
— Pablo Neruda