Here is a song to you,
my one and only true love.
You are as beautiful as a rose,
and graceful as a dove.
-
You will be in my heart forever,
and I will always remember you.
Your eyes are so lovely,
and you hair is a beautiful faint red hue.
-
You are better than everything.
You can never be replaced.
And when I kiss you,
your cherry lip gloss I can taste.
-
Our love is inevitable,
and it will definitely grow.
Just, I love you,
is a fact you need to know.
This love ended back in March 2015. I no longer have any connection with her. We don't talk, we aren't friends. We avoid all awkwardness possible. So this poem, is no longer true.
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139,290 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi dear CaptainSaltWater!!
This is Eros to review your another work!!
I read your poem " Love Song". This is a beautiful song dedicated to your love. It is been expressed in a very beautiful way. It is indeed a very romantic poem.
The first stanza tells us about the person you love. It describes the beauty of your love in a sweet manner.
The second stanza of your poem tells us about the special place of the special person in your heart. It describes about the eyes being lovely and the red hair of the person.
The next stanza says that the person means everything for you. What else to say?
The third stanza says that your love is immense and true and it is indeed inevietable and no none can seperate you.
In short this is a poem of a deep meaning.It is a sweet poem with three sweet stanzas in it. I also loved the way of seperating the stanzas bu a small hyphen. the poem flows very fluently and as far as I can see that there is no flaw in your superb poem.
Please keep writing for we love to read to read the writings!!
Hey Captain! Thanks for submitting to the Love Contest! Here's a review of your entry!
So this poem was sweet and the affection running through it is really obvious. But I thought that a lot of the language used was a little bit unoriginal, and if you used more personal language and imagery I think it could make the poem a lot better!
My favourite lines were about their red hair, and their cherry lip gloss because that gave us an idea of the person, and about the way that you the writer have noticed little things about this person. It makes the love seem a lot more real, and I think that showing real emotion is the most important part of a love poem.
The other bits of the poem were a little generic, and a little overused. For instance, "Your eyes are lovely" - what does that mean? What colour are they? Do they shine or twinkle or are they deep? What is it that you find so lovely about them?
The other criticism I would have is that the whole thing isn't completely cohesive. I don't really understand what you're trying to get across. That you love someone - sure. But that you'll always love them? Or that they deserve to be loved? I think that love is a huuuuuuuuge theme, and that the poem would serve better to focus on one aspect of it, rather than jumping from place to place between stanzas.
But overall, very cute
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
This whole poem is a cliche and at times you have moments of originality but they are not developed. For example of originality;
This is not really all that original but compared to the rest of the poem; it is the best I can do. It is also a perfect example of why you are not competent enough to handle a rhyme scheme. A hue of what color exactly? The moment where you could have added imagery was wasted because of the rhyme with you. You saying you think she is beautiful is dry; why not explain her looks exactly and naturally you will give the connotation of her beauty in your subjective view. Tell us how her hair falls when she turns her head, the way her hands tense-up or relax when she is *emotion here* ext. We need something to take away that allows us to really get it. We don't understand why this love is special, or what love is according to your subjective view.
If this wasn't done before it would be an awesome line; but it has. It at least gives some imagery, something we can taste. Expand on it. Start with this as a first liner, but when you are finished erase it. You need to make the words yours, right now it is almost mechanically made from cliches.
This is such a cute little song! The only part I would consider revising is "You are better than everything." This might only be me, but I feel like this line doesn't flow with the rest of the song. Other than that, I think this is a very impressive pice for someone your age.
Keep up the good work!
-Eva Iro
aw, this is a very sweet song. I'm sure you'll have a lot of girls gushing over a song like this! It's so sweet! However, I feel that there's one line that kind of throws it off for me: "Your eyes are so lovely, and you hair is a beautiful hue." I feel like all was great until this line. I think you should change hue to something else because it almost seems like a failed attempt at a rhythm with the word 'you'. Nonetheless, i think you've done a great job composing this. i would love to hear it as an actual song one day!
I'm not going to review this. But you made a grave error.
"You're" is a contraction of the words "you" and "are". So you just said "you are eyes are so lovely."
You are looking for the possessive form, which is your. Your refers to something belonging to the person. "Your eyes are so lovely" is the correct grammar here.
Wow! I can totally imagine that being a song!!!! I couldn't find any faults with it!!!! My favorite line was;
You are as Beautiful as a Rose
1. because it is my favorite flower
2. because it is a wonderful simile
3. because it was a wonderful piece of imagery.
So please keep up the wonderful work!!!!! I loved it!!!!!!
Here as requested!
First things first. This is a really sweet poem. The stanzas are consistent and the emotion is easy to pick up on.
Now onto the critiques:
You should make the first letter of every line a capital. This way it is consistent throughout the whole poem.
I see no mistakes in your grammar. Excellent!
In the second stanza where you say-
You will be in my heart forever,
and I will never forget you.
I would change "I will never forget you." to I will always remember you. The word forget just sounds a little harsh compared to the rest of the poem. The sound of the 't' clashes with the flow of the poem.
That is all I would recommend. It is a wonderful poem though. I hope to read more from you in the future!
Thank you so much! I will definitely change that!