How I hate the pollen,
In the spring it starts a fallin'.
In my eyes it makes me cry,
In hell I wish it'd lie.
Tell me why it is so mean,
If you don't I think I'll scream.
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138,710 Literary Works • 672,251 Reviews
Amen! :'(
i like this good job Wonderwoman
Hey, yo, Wonderwoman! Strange here on this fantastic day and I have a review for you! Okay, I see this listed as Humor. Though it does have some comedic elements, I can't deny that, it didn't make me laugh. Maybe I'm just a stickler, maybe I have no sense of humor, I don't know. I do know that though this poem has potential, I personally think it isn't in its best form. Let's get into it, shall we?
The first two lines got on my nerves. It irked me. Not because of the style, but because of the word choice. For example:
You said "a fallin'" to make it rhyme with pollen. To be honest, it looks like a cop out. I honestly don't think anyone would say a fallin'. You could say it starts "fallin'", which would look much better. It would flow better, too. It's like a misplaced puzzle piece that, with a few adjustments, you can jam in to make it fit.
I think the main problem I have with this is that the capitals hurt my eyes. It makes the poem look unprofessional, and I'm sure you don't want that. The word choice seems clustered, and rather bumpy. It doesn't go together. It doesn't help get as much potential as it needs. That's what hurts this poem the most. Now, time for the ending.
It's "if you don't", not "If you won't". It looks much better. Plus, I would cut down the last line a little bit to make it flow better. Now, I believe every poem should have a punch to end it all, and I personally saw no punch. A punch in a humor poem is a witty line, and there was nothing witty about it, I would say. I don't know. This poem just wasn't for me.
Keep writing and stay groovy!
Umm...well you're 14 right?well I like this poem it's short and cute but I think it needs more work. It needs a rhyme.I don't really know much about pollen,maybe it's cause I'm from India but you did a good job and in one review someone said you were 3. are you? If you are , you really did a great job.This is more like a nursery rhyme to me{in a good way}
I can tell you allll about pollen if you want. :c
Ha ha! I love this! I'm going to show it to my dad in a sec because his eyes get like that this time of year and he'll totally relate to it. This is a very impressive work for a three-year old. I do think that you could expand a bit on the ending. Maybe one or two more lines/stanzas would do the trick. I don't really have anything else critical to say about this poem. Thank you for making my day all the more humorous!!
You're welcome.
Hey! Just a quick review!
I like this a lot. It is very relatable and I have a feeling that anyone and everyone can agree with this poem. By only suggestion is too maybe add to it. Add a few more lines to make it even more meaningful. Short and sweet often best the job done, but sometimes adding just a little more can help even more!
Regardless, I like the poem a lot! Keep writing!!:)
Thanks I'm glad you liked my poem.
Hey, Sounds of Silence here!
Doing a review... I think...
Well, I'm no expert on poetry but, not gonna lie, this was pretty funny. Pollen can be such a bitch. Damn allergies and all that. You've captured that aspect beautifully, and in a way that makes me smile. It gets right down to the point, nothing is dragged out, which is something that I appreciate personally.
Great job overall, and keep writing!
Thank you very much.
Hey there Nunyabusiness, Hadj here to review your poem!
Criticism
Rhythm
Just wanted to mention that the rhythm of this poem didn't seem to flow very well, especailly in the last two lines. Try reading them outloud a couple of times to see what I mean. You might consider adjusting "I think I'll scream" to "I think I will scream", it might flow a bit better.
Style
There are lots of styles for writing poetry, and everyone has their own technique, but I have to admit, the style of this poem was rather uninteresting to me. Not all poems have to be incredibly deep or humorous, but I felt like I didn't get much out of this poem at all. It was very straightforward, didn't give much to think about, and was very simplistic. You should consider adding some more substance to this. Try lengthening it, either add some sincere detail or depth, or try to make it more satirical and/or humorous.
Grammar
There weren't any legitimage grammar errors in this poem, but the passive structure of the fourth line really bothered me, and seemed like a cheap way to force the rhyme with lie/cry.
Praise
Although I was overall not fond of this poem, parts of it were nice. It was definitely very relatable, especially during this type of year, and so it was interesting in that sense.
This poem's a good start, but it could definitely use some work. I'll look forward to reading what comes next for you, best of luck in your poetry career
Nice piece and keep writing,
~Hadj
Thanks for the tips. It does have a flow problem, I not sure what to do there though.
Hello Nunya,
It seems as if you are allergic to pollen! XD
I like the intent of the poem, of being angry at pollen, but the rhythm and rhyme seems a bit off.
After the first two lines, the rhythm seems to be consistent with 7 syllables per line. Even if it was a coincidence, I think the first two lines would sound very nice with 7 syllables as well.
Also, the rhyme seemed a bit forced. Although you kept to the theme, I think it could work better if you reconsidered some rhyme options or else ditch the rhyming altogether and keep a nice rhythm. (However, this is YOUR poem, so you don't have to change anything)
Honestly it was pretty funny and you can just leave it the way it is if you want to. I was just offering up some suggestions!
Happy writing,
-Falco
Thanks much!
I like it
I'm glad.
Oh wow nunya!!!!!
It was a great job!!!
It was a short lovely poem,"POLLEN".It is a poem full of humour.i loved the way you expressed your hatred towards Pollen.You have stated reasons too for your hatred towards pollen.and i loved that.I really fell in love with your poems.I feel refreshed after i read your lovely poems.It is very helpful to refresh mind and feel charmed.
It was really a wonderful job and I wish you should keep writing such beautiful stuffs.....
Thanks much!
Fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!!!!!!
You did a good job on the poem. It short, sweet, and to the point. I like that. There is not much to say. I did not see any errors. The rhythm was smooth, but not entirely smooth. But it was good. The last line was sort of confusing. I did not really understand it. I do not think It fitted in in the poem. I do not know. I may be wrong. WRONG!!!!!
No one likes pollen.The sneezing, the coughing, the watery and itchy eyes are just not good. But it will be over sooner or later.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Thanks, yeah I don't know what to do for the last stanza.
It is all right. No biggie
Haha. Hi Nunyabusiness!
I just read your poem. Recently, I was with a real close friend of mine and she had very bad allergies. I was telling her how I never get them. So I read your poem looking forward to know how it feels like to have such silly allergies. Sounds annoying. But then I was thinking of a way to make this poem a little more interesting. What if you describe the whole situation, describes what it feels like to have allergies and what you think, and when you're closer to the end you let your readers know what you're actually talking about... That's just an idea. Hahah. xD
Have fun writing around!
Haha thank you! xD
Hello there! cleverclogs here for a quick reivew!
Your title pulled me into this, as I am also a seasonal allergy sufferer and love to complain about it. Let's revel in our mutual hatred of pollen! But first, the review:
This line was a little choppy and confusing, and it makes the rhyme seem forced. I would recommend rewording it so it reads more naturally. I do love over-the-top it goes, though. It's like telling pollen to go to hell, which I find really funny for some reason.
The word "mean" isn't very good vocabulary. I suggest hitting the thesaurus here and finding an acceptable synonym. If you need to reword to the last line to accommodate the new word, then so be it. It could probably use it, too.
First of all, "wont" should be "won't". Second of all, this line is also a little confusing. Maybe it would make more sense if you said, "If you don't" instead of "If it won't".
Overall, I like this poem because it bashes my mortal enemy (pollen), but it could use some work. Good job though, and keep on writing!
Oops haha I'll change that.
I changed the "you" parts to "it" so it wont look like I'm talking to the reader and for a better flow.
Hello!
) -
Other than that, this was awesome. 
Great job on this! I hope to hear more poems like this!! 
Holy Stinking Cow. This is so true. (I'd like this a million times if possible!) I only have a couple of little nitpicks.
"How I hate the pollen,
In the spring it starts a fallin'.
In my eyes you make me cry,"
You go from talking about pollen as an 'it', to 'you'. So maybe you could write it like this-
"How I hate you pollen,
in the spring you start a fallin'."
Also, stanzas. In yours, every two lines should be separated (I think
"How I hate you pollen,
in the spring you start a fallin'.
~
In my eyes you make me cry,"
And so on.
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome
(STUPID POLLEN)
Hahaha. Thanks yeah that might make it better if I put it that way.
So funny! I really liked how simple it is, too! Although, in my opinion it could use a little more detail, it kinda felt like it was cut short. Hmm, I don't know, I guess it just feels like something is missing?? But anyways, I liked it a lot, it's pretty good the way it is!
Keep writing!
mountainclimber
Thanks glad you liked it.
Haha! This was a good laugh. I like the simplicity of it and the rhyming scheme. Maybe it's just me, but I even interpreted this poem even further than just pollen. Pollen can be a symbol of hate, maybe a relationship, or even an enemy.
Yes, this poem clearly just states "Pollen" but I guess the pollen can be interpreted to an even profound level.
But even without a deeper interpretation, it is still a well written and fun poem! I hope to read more from you, and even more stuff like this!
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I hate pollen too. It was about time some one made a poem about pollen, I get all sneezy and start crying. I feel your hatred. I also loved the poem. I didn't see anything wrong with it! Keep on going. And we will keep sharing our hatred of pollen together!
-Lau.
Hahaha! Thank you! Yes, I despise pollen! Muhahahaha I hate you pollen! Hahaha.