When days seem endless,
And people just pass you by
While you lie in your room
Continuing to cry.
When everything's dark,
And relief seems far away
As you suffer in shame--
Thinking, in pain you'll stay.
When family is distant,
And no one knows your name
While you watch people be happy
Remember it won't be the same.
When you can't find your feet,
And your head grows weary.
From your cage you watch
As people walk about being cheery.
When all else seems hopeless,
And the end has been drawn.
Remember this for your sake:
Never stop—keep keeping on.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
I like the pic.
? Did you like the poem? xD
Hey keepwriting! I am bookoholic22 here for a short review.
"From your cage you watch
As people walk about being cheery"
Overhere, something feels off the track.
I mean how can someone walk about being cheery..
I think it should be
As people walk about, being cheery.
Or As people talk about being cheery.
I like the way you presented cage in your poem.
One more suggestion.. Add more panctuations.
And In the last line I think it should be 'keep going on'..
I really like your rhyming.. how it flowed was amazing!
Although if you don't like my suggestions, don't stick by them..
I really loved this piece..
Waiting for more of your work
~bookoholic22
Thanks! Don't forget to click the like button.
This is an excellent poem! What a great message. This made me very happy, because usually when I read a rhyming poem the rhymes feel forced. But not here! Great job.
One small quip- while I was reading it, I was reminded of all the horrible things that you mentioned. (Which isn't a bad thing.) But if this is a motivational poem, then changing it around in the last line doesn't change the overall feeling of the poem. Another thing about the last line: I think "keep keeping on" works just fine, because it is a saying. However, I feel like adding "never stop" made the line too long. Try reading the last stanza out loud; I think it flows much better without "never stop," imao.
This is a good poem, though! ^^
Thank you!
~Joelsweet
Don't forget to click the star up top!
Yolo again!
Its just me dropping by for a really quick review (not that your work needs one ^-^ )
Beautiful! I love this poem...and surprisingly even connect to it. You have got a pretty message in it (and i'm gonna save this in my favourite poem folders) realky this was really motivating and as usaual i loooooved it!
The only thing i would suggest is change the last line
Instead of 'never stop - keep keeping on' make it 'never stop- keep going on'
Anyway i as always love your work!
Insanely yours
Fangirl~
Thanks, fangirl! <3
hi!
i'd just like to say that i love your poem. i'm sure that whoever you wrote it for will love it too, because it's honestly so full of love and it's so heartfelt.
i guess since this is a review i have to leave something, right? So, i suppose working on the last line would be some advice. i like the idea of it, but "keep keeping on" is very redundant. maybe try changing it to keep on going or something like that? owo;;;
is this too rude? i hope not.
Not rude at all!! Thank you for the review and don't forget to click the like button!
Stay blessed.
it's my pleasure!
and thank you. c:
Don't forget to click the star up top so people know you like my poem.