My Lord, I speak about your glory.
Let me tell your wondrous story,
About how You died for the world's sins.
In the little town of Bethlehem it begins.
Jesus was born of the young virgin Mary,
And for nine months she did carry
A Savior who was born in Bethlehem.
----------------------------------------------------------
My Lord grew up and spread the gospel,
When the pharisees heard they became hostile.
They thought he was a liar--a lunatic.
But how? He healed the injured and the sick.
When they grew jealous of His glory,
Then came the crux of this sad story.
----------------------------------------------------------
My Lord was taken to be crucified.
The peoples' actions couldn’t be justified.
They took Him, beat Him, and gave Him a tree,
This He carried to Calvary...
Then nailed Him there and mocked God's son.
Before He died he said, "It is done."
----------------------------------------------------------
My Lord passed. They didn’t break His bones;
And His blood flowed and did atone
For all the sins of mankind.
He left for Heaven—He left His body behind
But then He rose again on the third day.
Though He did not stay...
He left again after seeing all His people rejoice.
This was not the disciples' choice.
----------------------------------------------------------
My Lord, I thank you for all you've done.
I thank you for giving up your only son
That He may die for my sins.
With this action He wins...
Wins my trust, hope, and heart.
I praise my Lord for we shall'nt part.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Amazing!
Hi Harry here for a review: Lets start part by part, starting with this one: My Lord, I speak about your glory.
Let me tell your wondrous story,
About how You died for the world's sins.
In the little town of Bethlehem it begins.
Jesus was born of the young virgin Mary,
And for nine months she did carry
A Savior which was born in Bethlehem: This is a good start to your poem because your punctuation; spelling and rhymes are perfect. don't find poems that have this. They either have one or the other. Now for this part: My Lord grew up and spread the gospel,
When the pharisees heard they became hostile.
They thought he was a liar--a lunatic.
But how? He healed the injured and the sick.
When they grew jealous of His glory,
Then came the crux of this sad story: well lets start, you got a good middle part of your poem and that is good. You showed what people where feeling and why, that is also rare in poems. You do good with your examples, but you don't explain why they think that he is a lair and a lunatic. some people do read the bible but others don't know the story. Don't be afraid to add more detail to it. : My Lord was taken to be crucified.
The peoples' actions couldn’t be justified.
They took Him, beat Him, and gave Him a tree,
This He carried to Calvary...
Then nailed Him there and mocked God's son.
Before He died he said, "It is done." This is a good part because you add the exact words he said before he died. That shows that you know this story well and your not afraid to tell it. This part has emotion too. Because you made me cry and feel angry for what the people did to him just because he shared the word of God. : My Lord passed. They didn’t break His bones;
And His blood flowed and did atone
For all the sins of mankind.
He left for Heaven—He left His body behind
But then He rose again on the third day.
Though He did not stay...
He left again after seeing all His people rejoice.
This was not their choose. well you spelled a word wrong, choose is Choice. but you did good overall, you made me happy and then sad again when you said that he came back again but did not stay. This made me happy that he came back three days later and left after he said his goodbyes and to say that someday he will return. The poem itself makes you feel like you where apart of that time and you where strong to still believe in him even after death. Great work and Happy writing:)
Thank you for your words of encouragement. If you liked this poem please click the "like" bottom at the top so other people know.
Hey! Dogs here to review! Frist off AMEN! I really love this poem. I'm a Christian as well, and I very much believe in all of this.
Let's start with the nitpicks, which are just tiny errors, and very easy to fix.
1: You had a great rhyming scheme up until one part.
Here in these couple lines, I think you meant to write "their choice" and not "their choose"
2: In the last stanza you are missing a comma. *Now grammar and Language Arts is probably not my thing, so I may be wrong. If I am, please let me know. Thanks*
Two things you could do with this.
A: In order to capitalize the word "He" you need a period after "action" and that's one way you can fix this.
(Only if you're looking for a pause there, that's how I read it, but if not... Please tell me)
If there wasn't supposed to be a pause, then there is no need to capitalize he.
B: If there isn't supposed to be a big pause, but a little pause, then you need a comma.
*By the way, if I sound rude and/or harsh, I don't mean to be, so please don't take this personally. Thanks*
3:
Okay, let's look at this. Someone else might have mentioned this, but I will do it again...
So, notice how the words "Mary" and "carry" rhyme. The word "Bethlehem" doesn't really fit in, because all the ends of your other stanzas rhyme. Since most poems don't rhyme, I guess this could be okay, but I just wanted to point that out to you.
4:
These to lines rhyme perfectly, but the flow is off. Due to the number of syllables in the lines.
The same thing happens again in these two lines.
Again, same thing with the flow and number of syllables. This is worse, because it's at the end of the poem which I think Snazzypencil pointed out the same thing, but you know. Just making sure your clear on that because I want to help you as much as I can in this review...
That's pretty much all your nitpicks. Anyway, I really liked this poem, it meant so much to me. Thanks for writing it, and you are great at rhyming, may I just point out.
I think you should do more works like these... More Religious things like this.
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs <3
Hey, thank you so much for your review I really appreciate it! I do have a problem with silly bulls...
and I try to make things fit as best as I can but I agree with you entirely. Thanks again. God bless
God bless you as well. It's really no trouble at all to write reviews for my peers. I love to, and I love to check out others works as well. If you wouldn't mind, I'd love it, if you would check out my works, but you don't have to, if you don't want to. Thanks
-Dogs <3
First off, AMEN!
This would be fine, since not all poems rhyme (ha!), but all of your other stanzas end in a rhyme. It doesn't fit. I realize that it's hard to find a rhyme that makes sense sometimes, but just try and make it rhyme... Or delete that last line, and change the line before it. (Example: "Jesus was born of the young virgin Mary- my Saviour, my Lord, she did carry.") Or something like that, at least.
Alright. Here, it rhymes perfectly, but the flow is off. You have 10 syllables in this first line, and 5 in the second. It is extremely important that you try to make the syllable count in each line match each other, unless of course you're following a pattern that says otherwise. Anyway, to make it short, just lengthen that second line.
Same thing with the syllable count again. This is even more crucial, since it is at the end of your poem. People tend to remember the beginning, and the end the most - there first, and last impression.
Just a little side note, "this was not their choose": I think you meant choice. Easily fixed. Any-who, this is overall very nice! I love the entire meaning behind it, and although the idea may be overused, I still enjoy poems like these. Great job and keep writing!
~Snazz Pizzazz
I meant His disciples chooses but I guess I should make it clear. Thanks for the amazing review Snazz Pizzazz
Emm here to provide a review. I hope you find it helpful.
At times you rhyme lines two at a time, other times three at a time and sometimes not at all I think, although it is hard to be sure because the formatting is screwy(on account YWS can be very difficult when it comes to poetic format I'm sure).
Umm, while there is nothing wrong in expressing gratitude or offering praise I struggle to find anything in this poem original. It is as if you have rearranged numerous other peoples words.
I dont mean to be too harsh. There is a lot of heart here it is obvious. It is also obvious there is a lot of talent. But if you are going to write about a subject/being/event that has been written about a thousand times before you need to make a real conscious and deliberate effort to be original in perspective and form.
I appreciate the opportunity to read this very much and I hope you keep working to improve it. If you have any questions/comments/opinions regarding my review please feel free to PM me.
Yeah, YWS loves to mess with my format. Just fixed that btw hope that helps and I will spend time to see if I can make it more original but the story's always the same.