When I saw his face it burned with pride.
A pride shown by his buffalo hide.
He wore the markings of a warrior,
His fighting style was superior.
~
But the man felt pain like all the rest.
He rode with pride, he rode at his best.
The scars showed his strength and glory;
And when he died they told his story,
The story of a fierce man but also kind,
A man with a cunning and noble mind.
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140,216 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
The formation and your words created great impact of your poem
Hey There!
This was great, and important. We need more writers like you to write and educate us about your culture, especially these days. I hope you keep at it. The only criticism I would have is maybe make the rhyme scheme flow more smoothly. Other than that, it read perfect. Keep practicing and getting better!
- Sofie
Thanks don't forget to leave a like!
Hey, Knight Keep! Fellow knight VegasLights here to give you a review!
I think your poem is really good and interesting! Your flow was only a tad off, meaning there was one part of your poem that seemed like it was off. To me, it seemed off in lines three through four because superior and warrior doesn't rhyme. I admire the fact that, that was really the only thing I noticed. In most poems, you can usually find multiple things but in your case I only found one!
Overall, I think your poem is interesting and has good imagery. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I will get back to you shortly.
xo. VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)
Thanks for your time!
This is really good. Thumbs up.
Thanks!
Hello, Knight Keep. Your fellow knight Ink is going to leave a review for this poem.
What I admire a lot about this is the rhyme scheme, and it deserves a Like. I see aabbccddee and *most* of the rhyme is intact and not forced. But I would like to point out that "warrior"-"superior" is forced in my opinion. Still, the rest--ah, so refreshing. My rhyming poems often end up stiff, and I'm pretty sure anyone who writes them ever passes through the "stiff" phase
I wasn't too fond of the first stanza. Flow-wise it stuck out to me in a not-so-good way and also the last two rhymes. The transition between "pride" and "A pride" also felt a little jerky in my opinion and I think you can improve this stanza by adjusting the words and lines a little. The second stanza was lovely, but I think the penultimate line's syntax was a little off.
To take it up to the next level, try testing out some meter. Meter can really make a difference in the poem. While the rhythm here is alright for a structured poem, meter can really boost it up.
I think that's all I've got to say for this poem. Though some parts are rough, others are polished and in my opinion it's better than "In the Wind". I hope my review helped and feel free to message me if you want to talk about your poem/my critique.