Hi! So, your caption/summary thing said this was just for fun, and this is fun. You have a couple of awkward lines I'll point out in a second, but definitely fun!
So, first. Because you're rhyming, you end up with a sing-song and very strict rhythm that you're not always following. As a reader, it's jarring to have that rhythm interrupted, and I'm not sure it serves you well - there are times it can be essential or an entire piece will hinge on the play with the expected, but you'll have to decide what is serving you best/what needs to be fiddled with.
Your first two stanzas follow the rhythm/rhyme quite nicely, but in your second stanza, I'm not sure about your transition between your first two lines. That part reads as off, not due to the rhythm/rhyme so much as the transition in your exposition.
Last stanza, second/last lines are off - you need another syllable in the second, and the last needs one less. You're working with an unstressed/stressed iamb primarily (though, no, not in all lines), but in these it's much more apparent that you're breaking form than in others, in part because it's not quite right as a phrase, not just a single line.
Anyway! That aside, thanks for the quick read! Dealing with rhymes and stricter rhythmic patters is definitely not for the faint of heart.
Mesh
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