Young Writers Society

Daniel14 here for a review.

I really loved the way you have written the first two lines that says "Look to the sun, my dear,

When darkness follows you." These word used here by you has inspired me and gives me a strength to look forward in a positive way at all the problems that come ahead. The way you have used each word in this poem fills me with a contentment of all the inner feelings and words that i want to say out. These word used here are worth a billion and more for me. Just got to say that i loved your poem. Keep writing and keep inspiring

I love how you wrote about how you should "Look to the sun when darkness follows you...". I also like how you had it a sort of structure for the rising and setting of the sun. I love how you were clear on the difference between sun and son. But, I have a few suggestions. What do you mean by "Follow him and you'll never die." Is there some sort of desire for eternal life or is it straightforward. If you follow the son you'll never die? Is it advice to the father? Also, in lines 4-6, the rhyme is not the same as the other lines. Maybe you could make the rhyming consistent. Also, I know it is not that big of a deal, but maybe you could have the right capitalisation. For example, "Look to the sun, my love, As it sinks behind the trees," you see, the beginning of As should not be capitalised because the last line ended with a comma, the sentence hasn't ended yet. Another thing you could be more clear on is, who is talking? Is it the daughter who is talking? Why does she tell the father to look to the son? So that he can live forever? Is he going to die or is he dead? Is it some sort of mystery for the reader to guess at? Other than the suggestions, I really like your poem and I loved how you put emotion into it. I loved the details and how you put dialogue into it. I also really liked how you used the two words son and sun. However, why did you choose sun and son and what connection do they have in the poem? Anyways, I hope my suggestions are of use and I really loved your poem!

Make a song out of this. It sounds like most Christian songs I've heard, and you could use it for a contemporary hymn or a rock type song. If you can make money and hear it performed and have other people hear it performed, why not? Of course, some people will think this is evidence that "Christians really worship the Sun, but are confused into thinking it's Jesus/use Jesus as a cover-up!" but I think it's a good metaphor and if people want to pick that apart in such a banal way, then shame on them.

Heya KeepWriting! Knight Saru here to review your poem :3
Okay, this was beautiful. Okay? The comparison not only to the sun to the Son by sounds but as guiding light as well? That was great. The layout was also beautiful, and your stylistic choices were well-chosen. It was very aesthetically pleasing. I also loved the rhyme scheme.
Now to be picky.

"Look to the Son, my father,

His love will never pass you by,"

And with a smile said the daughter,

Look to the sun, my dear,

when darkness follows you.

Through the clouds it'll appear

and start the day anew.

This review courtesy of

I personally​ like this one better then In the Passion of Love but they both are really good. Good job.

Hey, KeepWriting! VegasLights here to give you a review!

I really do love this piece and I see it's full potential! This is absolutely amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about it. The imagery you gave us is clear and not once did it get blurry. Meaning, your poem had a clear and beautiful image the whole time! Your punctuation and grammar was perfect I didn't see a mistake. I loved the theme you had and really, I loved your poem in general! I really needed to read something like this today, so thanks for giving me the chance to read it!

Overall, I LOVE your poem! Honestly, I wouldn't change it at all. Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I hope you have a great day and thank you for your time!

xo.VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)