Young Writers Society

Once upon a time, as many stories begin, there lived a evil queen who only cared about her beauty-

"Hey, wait a second. What? I care about other things, too!"

Ah, evil queen, glad you could make it. I know you didn't only care about your beauty, of course you care about the good king, too. And you were devastated when he died, weren't you?

"How do you know that!?"

You were also devastated when he used his dying breath to tell Snow White that she was the fairest in the land.

"Shut up!"

So, you went cra-cra and wanted to murder snow white and become fairest in the land, ya-da-ya-da. We all know that story. But I thought I'd change it up a bit.

"Okay, who do you think you are?"

Alright, now evil queen. Criss cross applesauce, because its story time.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOUR TALKING TO?"

Once upon a time...

There lived a kind king and queen. During child birth, the queen died, she only had time to utter the childs name.

" Snow White"

For years, the king was in despair. It was only when Snow white turned sixteen did he re-marry. His new wife was just as kind as the previous-

"I was never kind!"

Silly evil queen, of course you were! Now back to the story.

-But yet, the king could never fill the hole in his heart. And a rift grew between him and the queen. Feeling neglected, the queen bought a old mirror from a witch that would tell her anything. And everyday, she'd ask-

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whos the fairest of them all. We all know that, narrator. I'd be shocked if anyone DIDN'T know that line."

Shut up, and let me tell the story!

And everyday, the mirror responded,

" My queen, don't be silly, of course you are very pretty. Are you the fairest, too? I daresay, its true."

"What? I don't think the mirror ever said that."

It did now. Anyway, the mirror continued saying this, until the awful day the king died. Both Snow White and the Queen mourned. With his dying breath, he said Snow was the fairest in the land.

"Awful! That's a understatement!"

Are you crying?

"Yes! I mean, no. I've got something in my eye,"

Sure.

"Just get on with the story already."

Fine, whatever. When the queen went to her mirror to ask the infamous question, the answer was different.

"My queen, don't be silly, of course you are very pretty. But the fairest in the land? That'd be Snow white."

In a fit of rage, the queen sent a huntsmen out to the gardens where Snow white was. She ordered him to cut off all her hair and bring it to her.

"Excuse me?"

Oh, and you ordered him to kill her for good measure.

"You really are an idiot."

However, when the huntsmen found her weeping in the garden, he didn't have the heart to cut off all her hair.

"And kill her."

And kill her. Instead, he warned her to run far from the castle, and never to return. She ran through the woods, crying. She came across a clearing with a cottage in it. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Snow White was desperate for shelter from the incoming night, so she let herself in. Inside was the dirtiest room imaginable. So she decided to do some cleaning.

"Can we get to the good parts?"

Not yet.

Just as Snow swept the last bit of dust into the pan the door opened-

"Oh, its the dwarves isn't it?"

Silly evil queen, this isn't the true story of Snow White for nothing!

As the door opened, in came seven-

"Dwarves?"

I told you, no.

In came seven giraffes.

"Excuse me?"

'Sigh' two doors to your right, make it quick.

"I was there! There are no giraffes in this story!"

Actually, you weren't, you were in the castle asking the mirror the same question as always. When the mirror answered that Snow White was still alive, you were very peeved. You tried to hunt the huntsmen, but that's like a rabbit trying to hunt a fox, and you tried to find Snow White. You asked the mirror where she was, and it said.

"Internet connection lost."

"Okay, I'm certain that didn't happen."

Back at the ranch, the giraffes were gaping at Snow White.

"Who are you?" One of them sputtered. Snow White was shocked, and started spewing out words.

"Er- White snow. I mean, Spring Green. Wait..."

After an awkward first meeting, the giraffes warmed up to her, and agreed to let her stay. After-

"Okay, speed this up, will you? I have some Evil queening to do."

No.

"Come on, everyone knows the story anyway."

Fine.

While the giraffes were out mining, a old lady came to the cottage. (That's you)

"What!?"

She offered Snow White a single apple. Snow White was all like, 'Nah thanks' and the old lady (You) Was like, 'I insist' And she shoved the apple into Snow Whites mouth, before running back into the woods, leaving Snow White to choke on the apple. The giraffes got back at that precise moment.

"Does anyone know how to do the Heimlich maneuver?" One giraffe said.

"What in the world, narrator?" 

Then, a knock came. A prince burst into the cottage.

"I AM BREAKING AND ENTERING!" 

"I AM GOING BACK TO MY EVIL LAIR!"

Not yet, the stories not over!

The prince saw Snow White choking on the ground, he dropped to his knees, and bent low-

"Did he kiss her?"

Nah, he did CPR.

"What?"

THE END!

"Wait, what happened to me?"

Well, I think you moved into a cave and ate snails for the rest of your life. You also got stuck in the old lady costume you were wearing.

"I am never coming for tea again."