Authors Note:
As the description states, I'm going to (Try) To take on National Writing Month. I'm starting a little late, so I'm playing Catch Up, but I thought it'd be fun to give it a shot. I will not be posting this in Chapter Form, simply what I've written that day, so some of the endings may be a little sudden.
I have also been working on this for the last two days, so...
My wordcount for November Third is 1335
Chapter One: Bus Ride
June was a
normal kid. Perfectly average. No reason to spare her a second glance, with her
average looks, brown hair, brown eyes-
Well, she supposed they were all staring at her because of her lack of an arm.
And now she was being carted off to Summer Camp like some misbehaving delinquent, on a bus filled with rowdy idiots.
“You’ll make friends there. She said, come on sweety, you’ll have a blast. She said.” June muttered under her breath, glaring heavily at her feet. “Tell me, oh wise Mother, how do I even make friends when all they do is stare-“
“Hey,” Someone said from behind her. June started, and then twisted around in her seat. A boy was staring at her with a befuddled interest on his face, as if she was an interesting rock he’d found. He had a slightly round face, with small glasses that put his whole face out of proportion. He was propping his head up with a gigantic book, labeled “Video Game Records of 2022”
“What?” June asked, already tired of this conversation.
“How’d you lose your arm?”
“Oh. I didn’t.” She said, “I was born without it.”
“How do you do stuff?”
A small flare of anger rose up in her, “I’m capable enough.”
“Did you get bullied for it?”
June
groaned, “A little bit, but I go to a Private School where everyone knows
everyone. They’re all just kind of used to it.”
But questions like this do annoy me.
He looked like he was about to ask another question, when someone from the seat in front of June stood up. “Can’t you see you’re annoying her?”
She was a
girl, with long, black hair tied into a braid, and huge, bug like eyes. She was
thin, her arms like sticks. But she towered over the boy, and her glare was
menacing as heck.
She swung around from her seat, and sat down beside June, to the boys shock.
“I’m Amy Tallfield. You can call me Talia, if you want. Its what my friends call me.” Talia extended her hand for June to shake. June reached around with her arm awkwardly.
“And I’m June Onearm.” June said with a straight face.
Talia gasped, “No way.”
June smirked, “No, It’s June Mars, nice to meet you.”
Talia laughed, “Oh, wow, you had me going for a moment! Where are you from?”
“New Jersey, you?”
“New Castle, in Delaware.”
There was a moment of silence, and then Talia pulled out a Notebook, and started scribbling in it.
Talia was a
good Seatmate. She didn’t talk too much, and glared at anyone who tried to
stare at June. She had an air of, “This is my friend now, begone enemies.”
Finally, when June couldn’t bear it anymore, she asked, “What are you doing?”
“Oh!” Talia
brightened, “I’m a writer, I was just working on an idea for a novel!” She
passed it over to June to read, who held it by the spine, so that she could
hold it semi open.
Her handwriting was neat and small. It was slightly smudged, but was so
eligible and consistent, June wouldn’t have trouble believed that it was
printed out.
She read through the few paragraphs, and smiled. “This is really good.”
Talia grinned, “Really, you think so? It’s about how the School System can stifle our creativity, and overload us with work. And also how much of an effect teachers have on students-“
June listened happily as Talia discussed her different projects, her favorite characters, how much trouble she was having with the romance, and if she could just kiss someone, maybe she’d have a better idea on how to write a more realistic kiss scene, rather than the overdramatic ones you see in movies-
It seemed like no time passed at all when they came to a halt outside a small, rundown bus station.
“Wow, we’re here already, how time flew, am I right?” Talia said, reached up to sling her backpack over her shoulder. But June wasn’t listening, as she was squinting out the window.
“Talia, do you see that?”
For she could’ve sworn she saw a pair of eyes glinting in the shadows, and a hint of a smile.
Chapter Two: Camp Tornado
There were twenty seven students total, fourteen boys, thirteen girls, all chatting and shouting, and running amok. It was giving June quite the headache.
But at the moment, she didn’t pay it much mind, as her stomach was doing all sorts of flips as the bus drove down the road, and out of the woods.
“Where are the counselors?” Talia wondered, glancing down the narrow path, where June was sure she had seen someone.
“I guess
they are late.” June dropped her bag, and picked up a map of the Camp. The
words “Camp Tornado” Printed boldly on the front.
It was a very odd map. It was clearly very old. Hand drawn, but not very well.
The trees looked like they were the size of mountains, and were made from
cotton candy.
It was also very hard to read, as someone had clearly spilt water on the
Lefthand corner.
“Welcome, children!” Said a high pitched voice. “I am so glad you all arrived safely! My name is Ms. Kendelle”
“Ugh, the way she says it makes it sound like we’re about to enter a horror movie.” Talia muttered.
June turned
around to face the lady, and so did everyone else. She was a tall, elderly
women, who would’ve been a good couple inches larger than Talia, except for the
fact that she had a pronounced hunch.
Her hair was wispy white, and her smile looked forced. Yet she had a small
gleam in her eyes.
“The camp is just this way. Please, get in a line, and don’t touch anything. Counselor Jacob will be handing out Cabin assignments.”
The shuffled along through the trees, which towered far above each of them, making a mid summers day darker than a winters night.
Some boys behind them were laughing as their feet squelched through the mud, purposefully pulling there feet out to make the most noise possible.
“Settle down, please!” Called Ms. Kendelle, “We are almost there.”
“Here you are, June Mars.” Said a voice from beside her.
She turned, and took a pamphlet from a boy, maybe four years older then her, seventeen, at least.
June nodded,
and slide her backpack further up her shoulder.
The paper had a smaller version of the map in a corner. It must’ve been a
picture of the one she had seen earlier, as it had the same splash mark.
It also had a short couple paragraphs of Camp Tornados history, which June skimmed, and at the bottom was her name, and the number “Seventeen.”
“Hey, I think we have the same Cabin!” Talia gasped from over her shoulder, “That’s perfect!”
June smiled, maybe camp wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Chapter Three: Ms. Kemble D rules
“Also, please remember not to leave your cabin after Nine Thirty-“
Talia checked her watch, and turned to mouth at June, “Two hours.”
June rolled her eyes, and tried to stay focused on what Ms. Kemble was saying, but she might as well be asleep, for all the information she was getting.
“And finally-“
Finally. “Stay away from the Lake of Evil Souls. Or else you shall be drowned deep
in its depths.”
She got a few giggles from that, but most were relieved to be shuffled away by smiling Counselors.
June waded over to Talia, who had just scribbled something down in her notebook.
“Rule Number One Hundred and Eighty Two,” said June, tapping Talias pen, “Sharp Objects are not permitted.”
She laughed, and pocketed her notebook. “Well said. I swear, I hate that lady already.”
“Well, I bet she won’t get involved in the activities, she seems like someone who would faint at the sight of dirt.”
“I can see that.” Talia chuckled, “Come on, let’s go meet our Cabinmates.”
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Camp Tornado: Part TwoPoints:
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I was scrolling down on YWS and found this. The title caught my eye/interest/attention. I wonder why it's called 'Camp Tornado?' Makes me think of a YA book called The Dyasters. It deals with teenagers and natrual dsasters (I think they can controle the forces of nature.)
Anyhow, your world seems interusting. Lare trees with leves like cotton candy.
Also, I like that you include a character who is disabled. I would warn you though that I see YA books with characters with disabilites and they have a bad attiture towards people/their disability. I think most people would be nice if you asked them about somone about their disability. Maby also show that she struggles with her disabilty. Just a though.
Thank you for the review!
Your welcome.
Grows:
"believed" should be "believing"
"Effect" should be "affect"
"Printed" should be lowercase.
Said a high pitched voice? Maybe more like a high pitched voice said.
do you mean "They" instead of "The"?
Glows:
Wow. That really took me by surprise!
I'm assuming this'll be kinda a horror or mystery type story? Just because that old lady, Ms. Kemble. She is kinda creepy...
So far, so good! This seems like a super cool story! Bye for now!
Thank you for the review!
This is a really interesting idea! I can't wait to see where you take this!
"but was so eligible and consistent, June wouldn’t have trouble believed that it was printed out." You would put legible in place of eligible.
If you have a number like twenty seven, you connect the two numbers with a hyphen.
I noticed that you were capitalizing a lot of words that aren't normally capitalized. Were you doing this to emphasize the words?
I also noticed that when people were talking, you would put things like "We are," instead of we're, which seemed very formal to me.
Other than that, this looks good. Your plot was very clear, and the character I can see already is amazing!
This is super interesting.
Thank you!