Brother Vs Sister, Which Game is Better? (By my brother)

Hello, Horisun.

I am here to give you a review as requested! Hope you are doing well today or tonight.

This is a really nice story, and I can tell you did not write this. This story is wonderlandiful! <3 Just needs a bit of a fixing up and it's all good! Alright, I'm just going to pick out mistakes in the quote, 'kay? Italics means something that I am saying or suggesting. Bold is a spelling mistake that must be corrected and strikethrough is something that needs to be cut out, which obviously won't be necessary in this amazing story.

Brother wakes up in the morning, "Let's go play Fortnite." When he goes on, his sister scolded him. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PLAY THAT GAME." Here you did not enter it to the next paragraph so I kinda had to re-read this part, just to make sure I knew who was talking. "Its not called that game." laughed brother. Again, you should start a new paragraph when someone else starts talking in your story. "UHG!"

"whatatever Whatever is spelt wrong, and... Capitalization. I am a capitalization freak. XD just play Minecraft". Then the brother kept asking why. "Why"

"Cuz In stories, its not proper to use words like 'cuz', 'luv', etc. If you did want to write it that way then just write this: 'Cause. Fortnite sucks"

"Why." Starting of a new paragraph should start here..."Don't start." sister said in a an annoyed not a annoyed, it doesn't sound right annoyed expression Expression doesn't really sound right in this context, maybe you could've used tone?. Sister grabed Spelling! Grabed = Grabbed. the controller and got on Minecraft and brother told dad and said sister stole the controller and scolded him. Dad did not care and went to his computer. Lol, dad did not care. XD

Brother growled and sister sticked Stuck, not sticked. I used to make that mistake all the time! her toungue Tongue, not toungue. I, too, used to have the tongue problem. at him. "Ha, ha, ha ha, ha" sisters turn to laugh. "Why you so rude" in a bad grammar way to say it. Sister answer in brothers most hated song. "Havanna ooh na na, half of my heart is in havanna oo-" Lol! Havanna! XD This part made me laugh out loud! brother interrupted her and screamed and took the controller. "Now leave me alone so I could play fort-" WHO SREAMED AND WOKE ME UP". "Brother did it!" The part that I have in bold right here, kind of confused me about who was talking. Maybe you could make it clearer?

"NO, sister did it!" Mother scolded both of them. "Son, go to your room!" "Oh and you to daughter." Brother and Sister both were told if they were playing Fortnite or Minecraft you will sleep outside for the night. Oh snap! Serves 'em right! But it ended up they both were caught playing there favorite game and slept outside. Ha!

Both were arguing whos Whos is spelt incorrectly. It's supposed to be whose.[/b]fault it was all night and tomorrow was Monday and got a F- on there test because they were sleeping.

THE E-

"NARRATOR!" Oh and the person whos [i]Whos is spelt incorrectly. It's supposed to be whose.[/b] attacking me is the sister and the brother and also were from the True Tale of... By THE SISTER (Aka Horisun)

*CRASH* 'WHY DID YOU TELL THEM THIS STORY." THE REAL ENDING!

That's it. This was a delightful story to read! I can't wait to see more from your brother, Horisun. It's great! Wait, is this [i]really by your brother? Or not? Anyways... Have a good day or night!

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

Hello, Horisun's brother, My name is FlamingPhoenix, and I am here to leave a little review on your short story.

Okay let's get to the review.

As I was reading through this I did see that you forgot to put some question marks and full stops in. Now this isn't really a big deal, but by not having them it is a bit hard to get the emotions you want your characters to feel across to your reader.
So I'm going to show you the two places I saw you were missing some punctuation.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PLAY THAT GAME.

Now I know that this one has a full stop, but I feel that it should ether be a question mark, or a exclamation mark. By doing that you will get across the feeling you need to.

Okay onto the next one.

"Why"

This why should have a question mark after it, because the brother is asking a question, isn't he?

Okay so I don't think I need to go through your story and pick out every little thing I see, so I think I'll leave it there.
Okay now onto the fun part of the review.
I thought this was a really great idea for a short story, I mean I don't have any brothers, but I do have two sisters so I can relate a little. I do understand siblings can be a little bit of a pain. But in the end we love each other. And I can see there wasn't much love in this story, but it does show that siblings have fights.
I do wish I could now the Brother and Sisters names, but I do understand why you didn't tell us.
I also found it funny when the mother yelled at them, it reminds me of my mum. XD
So over all I loved reading this story, and i do hope I will see more soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.