Authors note: I did this in SECOND GRADE!!! I haven't changed a single word, even my spelling errors are still there. I have improved. (Hopefully) With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy.
Once, there lived a queen and king named Dawn and Cloud it was just enyother day when dawn announced that she was Pregnet. a few months later she had her children. The oldest by a minute was Summer then Lillyena and Lillyana then Luna and both smallest and youngest, Peace
about 10 years later Dawn and Cloud went to a iland called Sunny bay, but they ever returned this ment whoever got the Bowencrown would be queen Lillyena, Luna, and Peace never cared about being Queen, but the Bowencrown ment Queen, Summer bragged that she would be Queen cause she was oldest. When they were five, Summer would take there dolls wich ade then upset espesily Lillyena, She would cry till sunset. but peace, just like her name, would peacefully go up to Dawn and tell and get her and her sisters dolles back
When the girls were old enough to be Queen, Summer created hot stuff with one touch, you would turn to ashes, she made Lava, TNt, and Suns She and her followers perpared for battel, peace had a diffent plan.
Peace knew that her sisters dolls each had a secret simble on it tha yo cant see but hers dident. that's how she figerd out her plan each sister had one exept her and her bow was hamess so she had to shoot her sisters at the time
What this was supposed to do was to bring Dawn and Cloud back but ii brang something els back
PEACE
When peace picked up the Arrow she turned to the next page in her storyhood,
QUEEN
for the bow Dawn gave her, was no ordinary bow, for Nomore a land of war but a land of peace, and that bow was the legendary bowencrown,
And that's where it ends. With the epic plot twist revealed, young Horisun pat herself on the back and proceeded to show all her friends and family her epic masterpiece, and now, to YWS. I remember being so proud of this. Now... Well, lets say I hope I've gotten better. Its actually really important to me, because its when I first thought to myself, Hay, I thing I'm going to be a writer. And here I am now. In case your interested, I actually did start a second book. I didn't finish it, but I wonder where this would have gone if I did. (Stops writing to shake that thought away.) I hope you enjoyed my younger selves masterful writing skills!
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140,101 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Aww, this is so cute! I love it! (Even though I didn't understand the second paragraph much XD)
I wrote a book in fourth grade that's called: Coco and Me.
I'm pretty sure I told you, but anyways, you should check mine out! I had to do a lot of editing and stuff to get it to sound right! XD.
Oh, and you've definitely improved since grade 2!
Wow. This is the best writing I’ve ever read, hands down. XD! I remember also writing stories when I was like 7..... but we don’t talk about those stories 0_0 ANYWAYS! I’m sure you know all of the spelling mistakes and all that, I’m just here to tell you that you have definitely improved from when you were 7.... I mean I’d be worried if you didn’t
I will never forget the legendary bowencrown of whatever I just read. Anyways that’s all I gotta say, PEACE! (Pun intended)
XD I am shaking with laughter right now, and I don't know why!
Hi there @Horisun I am here to do a review on you work, by the way for second grade this is really good.
okay so I am not quite shore how to spell Iland I there but i do think the the a should be with an n I will shoe you what I mean down in suggestions for you.Lovely bits of the story
but they ever returned this ment whoever got the Bowencrown would be queen Lillyena, Luna, okay some more spell mistakes, ment is spelt meant, also I think that you meant to say never not ever never would make more sens, also dident there kids come with them, I really feel like this is a bit comefosing, for do to the years there only ten.
Suggestions
about 10 years later Dawn and Cloud, and there three children went to an iland called Sunny bay, So this is all that I can say other then these things I think it is really good, if I came a crose as being a bit hard I am really sorry
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
I know everything you mentioned, but keep in mind this was done years ago. Thanks for the review.
Yes I no.
It shouts out in a bright smiling kind of way that only a child could master, full of exploration and at the same time sticking with a beautifully simple base idea.
I like it, Mainly because I fell in love with this style of writing when i was very young myself: the classical King and Queen story where their children face the world without their dear parents now I wont go after all the little imperfections what with a confusing plot and all and with so little to work with to truly describe and define the structure of any kind of story, I feel like this story could be so very much more. I feel like you tried to write a full on legend right here but with only 1 page to do so it leaves the reader somewhat wanting. (which is good)
I would genuinely pray that you could re-visit this story perhaps expand on it in your own unique way and reveal more to us as readers, I feel that it could have a lot of potential.
Maybe you don't want to do that because you feel that this work is very much different from what you would like to write now and that is fine, but i think you could make something very interesting with this if you so choose.
Please let me know if you do, I would look forward to reading it.
I was actually considering doing that myself.
I think that'd be awesome. Maybe i don't read as much as i did a long time ago but I haven't seen many stories with this kind of feeling put into it, if you do end up doin that msg me or post on my wall or something, I'd love to read it.
Ohmygoodness this is adorable. And hilarious. And adorably hilarious. And hilariously adorable. You know, you might take this and try to turn it into something you'd write now. You were six, yeah? Aside from the six-year-old spelling, it's pretty good. "Storyhood" is a good word. I especially like the part where Peace's bow was harmless, so she had to shoot her sisters. PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES!!! I'm not sure where the secret symbol on the dolls comes in?
I wrote things when I was little too, but I didn't like writing then. I didn't want to start until I knew I could be good. I'm not sure why it was like that for me, but it doesn't seem to be that way for other people. You started early and actually liked it. Probably because you write better when you like what you're writing. And I like this.
This is amazing for a second grade book. Keep up the good work😁
Thank you!
Your welcome %uD83D%uDE01%uD83D%uDE01%uD83D%uDE01