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Ms. Unicorn to the Rescue: Chapter Two

by Horisun

As I soar over my beloved land, I feel great sadness come upon me. This... I think... Is why I left.

Trash covers the land like a blanket, pollution fills the sky. It makes me sick. If I wasn't so loyal, I might have abandoned them all together. But I didn't.

The closer I get to the city, the worse it is. I feel endlessly queasy. I almost fell from the sky! I wonder what the humans would make of me. Would anyone remember the legends?

I eventually find what I'm looking for. The Castle of Heroes. I feel even more dizzy when I look upon the disarray the humans have left it in.

It is covered in vines, and the walls are crumbling, yet, as I look at my birth place, I can see past the ruins. I remember everything that happened there, as though it were only yesterday.

It was a mystical day,

that day the Unicorn was born.

A beautiful horse, carved from pearl,

and on her head, she were a crown-like horn.

She had no wings, yet she could fly.

Enemies watched her in wonder, 

Until she bit off there head.

I shook my head a bit at that last part. I wouldn't eat someone's head, unless they took the last slice of cake! And no one is evil enough to do that. Man, those bards.

But even as I thought this, I remembered how different this world was

I sighed, as I landed by my home. I could feel the land tremble beneath my hooves. It beckoned me to return to its nest.

Yet I must fight that urge. I thought, braver than I felt.

Once I meet with my Mother, everything will be alright.

I marched into the ruin, holding my head high as darkness enveloped me. At long last, it was time to reunite with my family.

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107 Reviews

Points: 1690
Reviews: 107

Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:48 pm
Gnomish wrote a review...

All right! I see it now, she didn't leave!

Okay, perfect mentioning the pollution, of course that was what she would notice first! (I didn't even think of that before!)

Again, very funny, especially the part where she says "Man, those bards." I'm starting to get the point of the story, and I hope you post the next chapter soon!

One small spelling thing, "Until she bit off there head." "There" should be "their".

Great chapter!

User avatar
562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:34 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here again with a few things to say about your chapter, and once again to help get it out the green room. On this cloudy and stormy day.

Let's start.

I really like how the story is going so far. It's getting rather interesting, and like I said in my last review I think this would make a really good kids book. I think the chapters are rather short, but they hold quit a bit of information. And now I'm quit eager to read chapter three and meet Ms, Unicorn's mother, I think the next chapter will be fun to read.
I'm also glad you added a prophesy into this chapter. It told me a little more about what will happen.
I'm also really glad you added quit a bit of description into this chapter. I felt like I was right there with Ms. Unicorn as she looked around the old building.

So over all I think you did a really good job. And I'm glad I could again read and review your chapter. I hope you will post the next chapter soon, and never stop writing. I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Horisun says...

Thank you!

You're welcome.

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare