Merlin sat at the edge of the window, tapping his wand lightly against the windowsill. Mountains stretched far before him.
No matter how tall his tower was, it would never hold a candle to the glory of the Range.
He let out a great sigh, and fell against the wall, staring up at the grand ceiling. The light of the chandelier didn't quite reach the dark floor, making the room feel even bigger, and emptier, then it really was.
He knew the end was coming. One Hundred and Twelve years really weighed on oneself.
For years, he had journeyed the globe, collecting tokens from his adventures, and building up his tower, taller, and taller.
Yet it would all go to ruin, now that he was going to die. No friends, no family, no one to take care of his precious artifacts.
Merlin stood, and stretched, cringing as his bones ached. He crumpled back to the ledge, and tried to think straight.
He had some time left, but what to do with it? Rot away in his tower? That would be a anti climatic way to end his exciting life, filled with adventure and excitement.
Merlin had always thought he would die fighting a horde of goblins, or slaying a dragon, or, if he was really unlucky, suffocating in quicksand.
But for him, this was almost worse.
This painful knowing, in his chest, as he wasted away where he sat. The thought of his lives work dying with him.
What could he do?
He froze mid sigh, and grinned.
Who better to treasure his tower then someone like him?
What he needed was some adventurers.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi Horisun,
I'm here with a review. As soon as I read this it made me think about story written by Freud. The main character just like Merlin looked all his life to collect and learn things. He didn't have any family or friends and was looking for a way to preserve his knowledge.
Back to your story.
"For years, he had journeyed the globe, collecting tokens from his adventures, and building up his tower, taller, and taller."
We can understand that the tower is tall but I would like more description of it.
As for grammar, I found some little mistakes.
"back to the ledge, and tried to think straight."
I don't think you need a comma after ledge as you have and.
"would be a anti climatic way to end his exciting life"
I believe it should be an anti climatic.
"He froze mid sigh, and grinned."
Again, I don't believe you need a comma after sigh as you have and.
"What he needed was some adventurers."
And it should be were as there is more than one adventurer.
Your story is very interesting and it's a good prologue. The end is well written as it brings mystery to the story. I hope my review helped you and didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris.
Thanks for the review! I wasn't sure whether to use 'was' or 'were' and I kept switching back and forth... Should've just went ahead and googled it, lol.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! It's Harry with a review!!
First Impression: Ahh so that's what happened to Merlin. I've always wondered. Joking aside this seems like a pretty good start. And I think this is perhaps a prologue judging by the size and general way its written. It sounds like a really cool concept that I will most probably follow along with. I probably won't have too many comments for this pretty short piece but lemme get right to it.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Decent opening but a touch more description about said mountains and maybe the sky, what sort of things are on the mountains would be a nice little garnish for this one I think. At this point its just a little bland as far descriptions go and you can't really picture the setting very well.
Well that's a really clever way to indicate just how tall that ceiling is.
Somehow cringing does not sound like the right word to be using in this context. I would prefer something along the lines of maybe grimacing to show that pain a little better.
That description there is a little off. Exciting is repeated twice. If you get rid of that first exciting it would probably be much better because that other phrase implies that pretty darn well.
That should be life's.
So that's a pretty good ending that you have here. Leaves us off with a bunch of question that we must have answered. One small thing is that I believe that word should than.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: This is a pretty good start to a story. We got a pretty nice introduction to Merlin. At the moment we don't quite know that much about his personality but that is okay for the very first part of this. Just add a little bit more personality as you go along. And this premise also seems really nice. Looking forward to running into more of this.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for this review!