Young Writers Society

Hello Horisun!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review, so let's get right into it, now, shall we?

Okay, sorry I didn't get to this review earlier, I realized I hadn't reviewed it so I got to it as soon as it came to my mind, meaning, like, literally right now, heh.

Firstly, it's the end already. It's sad, but exciting, obviously, considering it's a book. And. You. Finished. The. Entire. Thing. Congratulations!

Secondly, I see that Ala and Henry are meeting after sooo long and it gave me goosebumps just reading it because it was so cute and adorable and beautiful. What if... They get married? That'd just be way too cute, omg.

Now, one thing I'd recommend though would be to write how many years later. Like, you know how they do it in some books... Nineteen years later. Etc? Yeah, I'd like to see some of that, maybe. It sort of makes me think... Adulthood? Teens? High school? Old people? A couple? Online relationship? Idk, something like that, ya know?

I'd like to also see more description about the surrounding area, as well. I'd really like to have that. We don't really get a sense of what building. Is it cold in the building? What does it look like in the building? Etc. I hope you get what I mean.

Also... late for her first day at work? Does this mean Henry works there too? Or in Henry the manager of the place? O-O Ooh, this is interesting! I'd definitely like a sequel, like @shieldmaiden said. :p

Anyways, done with my review! I hope it helped, and of course, feel free to reach out if you have any questions about my review.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

Hey, there! I'm glad to see this posted. I love the turn you've taken here. You left us feeling so hopeless with your cliffhanger ending where Ala turns down her perfect opportunity. This chapter has me excited now!

Though this chapter is short, it is a good transition into the next major part of the plot. I'm kind of surprised how long of a time lapse you left since your previous chapters were practically a day-by-day narrative, but I like how you've left those years in silence. It more or less shows that they were basically uneventful. I would like to see a small glimpse into Ala's mind in regards to Henry over the years. It wouldn't have to be much, but I personally think it would be interesting and insightful. Did she always regret her decision? Did she carry in her mind doubts as to whether she'd done the right thing? Did she just shove all those thoughts away? Did she think about Henry every day? It seems that she kind of forgot about him. It would also be nice if you specified just how much time has lapsed since your last chapter. I'm assuming they're in high school now? You mentioned that Henry now has a slight beard, so I'm getting the picture that it's been quite a few years,

There is one spot I noticed that kind of sounds funny. You wrote, "She blasted down the street, her legs throbbing, and the hot sun beat down on her neck." She blasted? What, is her means of transportation a jet pack or something? No offense, I just find that word a little misfitting. You can still show the action by using another word. Maybe try something like "sprinted" or "dashed." Overall, though, it's good!

Well, that's all for now. Keep up the good work!

Awww! They meet again. But do they recognize each other? Will they end up together? Can you write a sequel please!!! I really enjoyed reading this and seeing the kids grow. I want to see them as true adults. It would be so cool. Great job with this story. You sure kept me hooked!