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Least Romantic: Chapter Fourteen: Postschool

by Horisun

Ala frantically checked her phone.

February fourteenth, seven fifty-five.

She blasted down the street, her legs throbbing, and the hot sun beat down on her neck.

It was incredibly odd, being back so close to where she used to live. Everything was almost exactly the same as it was when she first moved. A few new shops here or there, but at it's essence, it hadn't really changed.

Ala dodged past a few early risers, swung around the corner, and ran into the building. Her first day on the job, and she was about to be late.

She resisted the urge to glance at the bright tanks and neon fish, and dashed through the employs only door, and sighed in relief. Eight o'clock on the dot.

"You must be Ala," A voice said from the corner. Ala jerked her head, standing there was a young man about Ala's age, he had a slight beard, and a content grin on his face. He walked forward and reached out his hand to greet her. "I'm Henry, nice to meet you."

Ala smiled at him, "It's nice to meet you, too."

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418 Reviews

Points: 13291
Reviews: 418

Sun Nov 17, 2019 5:56 am
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Liberty wrote a review...

Hello Horisun!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review, so let's get right into it, now, shall we?

Okay, sorry I didn't get to this review earlier, I realized I hadn't reviewed it so I got to it as soon as it came to my mind, meaning, like, literally right now, heh.

Firstly, it's the end already. It's sad, but exciting, obviously, considering it's a book. And. You. Finished. The. Entire. Thing. Congratulations!

Secondly, I see that Ala and Henry are meeting after sooo long and it gave me goosebumps just reading it because it was so cute and adorable and beautiful. What if... They get married? That'd just be way too cute, omg.

Now, one thing I'd recommend though would be to write how many years later. Like, you know how they do it in some books... Nineteen years later. Etc? Yeah, I'd like to see some of that, maybe. It sort of makes me think... Adulthood? Teens? High school? Old people? A couple? Online relationship? Idk, something like that, ya know? :P

I'd like to also see more description about the surrounding area, as well. I'd really like to have that. We don't really get a sense of what building. Is it cold in the building? What does it look like in the building? Etc. I hope you get what I mean. :)

Also... late for her first day at work? Does this mean Henry works there too? Or in Henry the manager of the place? O-O Ooh, this is interesting! I'd definitely like a sequel, like @shieldmaiden said. :p

Anyways, done with my review! I hope it helped, and of course, feel free to reach out if you have any questions about my review.

And as always...

Keep on writing!


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100 Reviews

Points: 5531
Reviews: 100

Mon Nov 04, 2019 7:52 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hey, there! I'm glad to see this posted. I love the turn you've taken here. You left us feeling so hopeless with your cliffhanger ending where Ala turns down her perfect opportunity. This chapter has me excited now!

Though this chapter is short, it is a good transition into the next major part of the plot. I'm kind of surprised how long of a time lapse you left since your previous chapters were practically a day-by-day narrative, but I like how you've left those years in silence. It more or less shows that they were basically uneventful. I would like to see a small glimpse into Ala's mind in regards to Henry over the years. It wouldn't have to be much, but I personally think it would be interesting and insightful. Did she always regret her decision? Did she carry in her mind doubts as to whether she'd done the right thing? Did she just shove all those thoughts away? Did she think about Henry every day? It seems that she kind of forgot about him. It would also be nice if you specified just how much time has lapsed since your last chapter. I'm assuming they're in high school now? You mentioned that Henry now has a slight beard, so I'm getting the picture that it's been quite a few years,

There is one spot I noticed that kind of sounds funny. You wrote, "She blasted down the street, her legs throbbing, and the hot sun beat down on her neck." She blasted? What, is her means of transportation a jet pack or something? No offense, I just find that word a little misfitting. You can still show the action by using another word. Maybe try something like "sprinted" or "dashed." Overall, though, it's good!

Well, that's all for now. Keep up the good work! :)

Horisun says...

Thanks for the review!

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98 Reviews

Points: 782
Reviews: 98

Sun Nov 03, 2019 10:44 pm
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shieldmaiden says...

Awww! They meet again. But do they recognize each other? Will they end up together? Can you write a sequel please!!! I really enjoyed reading this and seeing the kids grow. I want to see them as true adults. It would be so cool. Great job with this story. You sure kept me hooked!

Horisun says...

:D Don't know if I'll ever write a sequel... We'll have to see. But thanks for all of the reviews!

The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
— Anonymous