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The Sister

by Horisun


"Hey, DA FRIEND, want to here a funny story about what me and my sister did this weekend?" THE BROTHER said.

"Sure, bruh."

"Alright, so it all started when-" He was cut off by THE sister,

"DON'T TELL!" She flew at him, pinned THE BROTHER to the ground, and taped his mouth shut.

DA FRIEND backed up a bit, then looked at THE BROTHER, "Man, your sis is scary!" 

"Don't," THE SISTER said, breathing hard, "tell."

DA FRIEND turned and ran down the hallway.

"MMMHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Gabe. THE SISTER ripped off the duck tape. 

"Don't tell mom." THE SISTER said, standing up. "And don't breath another word about what happened this weekend. Then, THE SISTER turned and ran down the hallway.

Later...

"She completely came out of no where, TACKLED me, and ducktaped my mouth! Can you believe it?" Asked THE BROTHER.

"Man, bruh." THE BROTHERS other best friend, A FRIEND, asked, "What does she not want you to tell?"

THE BROTHER smiled. "She licked horse manure." THE BROTHER said. A FRIEND started laughing. THE BROTHER laughed, too. But it didn't last long, a shadow creeped up behind THE BROTHER.

"You told." She said simply. "You betrayed me." Her head hung low. But then a malicous smile spread across her face. She pulled out the time-turner necklace she got for her birthday.

"This wrong must be righted!" THE SISTER declared. She turned the time-turner, and disappeared.

It is said, that to this day, THE SISTER is still trying to find the Saturday afternoon she licked poop. During her time traveling adventure, she changed the world as we know it. She became Maria Mozart, J.K Rowling, Gretal, from the from Hansel and Gretal, and more. Just open your history book or Fairy Tale book, and you'll find her!


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93 Reviews


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Sun Mar 31, 2019 11:43 pm
ShapeOfVoid wrote a review...



Hi horisun, it's been a while since i've done a review for you, so here goes:

Okay, did not see that twist coming!

Man, little sisters are quite the rage when they're angry, aren't they? They go around the world writing books and making music that change the world forever - now that is what i call good old revenge.

So great story! Nice plot, nice beginning.

At first, it seemed the typical brother and sister feud - you know, don't tell them this, don't tell them that. But then it became much more than that. Yes, i repeat my self, i did not see that coming.

Your grammar has definitely improved, and i like the shortness and simplicity of this story - effortless to read and leaves an impression on the people.

Keep up the great work,.
I know this a short review, but well..... :) it was a short story, and i couldn't find very many mistakes.
Keep writing!




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Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:45 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to leave a review on your work. I'll try to make this quick.

Okay let's start.

So The only thing I really have to point out, is that you don't have really any description in this short story. I think you just need a little more, it will help the reader get into the story and connect with the characters. But you don't have to do it if you don't agree, because I guess it will be a little hard adding description, but I thought I should just put the thought out there.

Okay onto the good stuff.

So I really like this story, just like the last one your Brother wrote, I think they are really funny, and could be but into a children's book. It is simple but funny, and I like reading those types of books here and there.
I fine it cool how you don't tell us the characters names, and the story is still good. But there was this one time were you called the brother Gabe and that was a little confusing, but it didn't really change anything.
I thought the ending of the chapter was a really great way to do so, it was funny and it didn't leave any cliffhangers.

Over all this was really well written and I do hope you write more things like this soon, and post it out on YWS, so I can have fun and read and review it again. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




Horisun says...


Thank you!





Your welcome.



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Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:45 pm
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Liberty says...



XD




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Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:16 pm
shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Cute! I love how you referenced your characters simply as THE SISTER and THE BROTHER. I got thrown off the curb when you referenced the BROTHER once as Gabe. For a moment I had no idea who that was. Another question - is this a personal experience. :) Don't answer that if you don't wanna.
Really liked how you threw in the time change and had the SISTER become a famous character in the past, present - and who knows - perhaps the future.;)




Horisun says...


Oh, oops. Gabe was the name of THE BROTHER, before I changed it, must have missed that. :D Thanks for pointing out.



shieldmaiden says...


No prob. Love your work!



Horisun says...


:D




"The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle of a sentence."
— John Green, Paper Towns