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Foolish April

by Horisun


May entered the meeting place for the Monthly meetings. Her head pounded. Being this close to so many other Months gave her a headache.

What also didn't help her headache was April jumping out from around  the corner with a bright light in hand, and shined it in her eyes.

"April!" May cried in frustration. Every single April meeting, she had to go and prank people like mad.

April giggled wildly, "April Fool!"

"April Fools!"

"What was the prank?"

"You shined a light in my eye."

"No, the prank you did."

"Huh?" May said, but April was already zooming down the hall. 

May sighed, and was about to head to the Month meeting room, when she realized that April was heading to the 2019 Board of Years.

Someone should keep an eye on her. May thought, and she began following April down the hall.

"May?" Someone asked.

"December!" She said, blushing. "Come on." She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him after April.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

May put her finger to her lips, "April." She whispered, pointing ahead. December nodded.

Their was a bit of distance between them and April, and May tried to close the gap, but April slipped through the door.

May and December through the doors open. December made it look really epic, and dramatic, like a hero. And May thought she just looked awkward. 

"April! Stop-" He froze. The 2019 Board of Years were unconscious in their seats, and all the high tech computers were blinking the same screen.

APRIL FOOLS YOU!!!

"December, May, nice seeing you here." April said, leaning on the sink in the corner.

"What have you done, April?"

"Nothing much." April examined her nails, trying to look passive, but a huge grin was on her face. "I just fixed the year."

"By doing what?"

April cackled, "By making there being only one Month..."

May and December paled. "What?"

"APRIL FOOLS!" She said suddenly. The 2019 Board of Years sat up, each with huge grins on their faces.

One of them rolled their eyes. "Happy April Fools day, guys. I'd get back to the meeting room, the other nine months will be waiting."

"You mean this was a prank?" December asked, color flooding back into his face.

April smiled even bigger. "Nope."


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Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:30 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...



Hello!

What a goofy little piece. I loved it so much. April is so fun! I always thought May would be a little more pleasant of a month. She needs to lighten up a bit!

The twist on the end actually left me intrigued. I was just enjoying myself with a fun little personification of the calendar months, and then April admitted this one was not a prank and now I'm like... wait what why WHY IS IT OVER??

It would be fun to get a better feel for the office environment that they were in to help picture the chase after April and the destination they were actually intended for in the first place (the "meeting place" which is an extremely vague phrase in and of itself). One could argue that it's not important, but the way this piece reads as a narrative following the actions of the characters, a third-person view if you will, I think fleshing out the setting will help a bit. You can tell a lot of the story simply through small bits of description!

That leads into the idea of perhaps a stronger beginning. The hook itself was actually pretty good. I wish I knew why the other months gave her a headache. By the end, I only know why April gave her a headache. But again, perhaps I'm asking too much of a simple narrative!

I like the story though. It made me smile for sure. April is such a goofball. Poor December. We didn't really get to know the guy much at all, so I didn't really get attached to him (in fact, I don't think he had much of a role in the story itself) but just being swept up in another April venture was a completely relatable experience. XD

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!



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Thu Apr 04, 2019 4:17 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a quick review :-)
I will start by pointing out some grammatical errors I spotted, then move on to the things I liked about it.

Every single April meeting, she had to go and prank people like mad. --> This sentences doesn't make grammatical sense. It should be something like "At every single meeting April attended, she just had to prank people like mad"

"December!" She said, blushing. "Come on." She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him after April. --> I would avoid using "Said" twice in such a short time. It makes it sound pretty dull, so I suggest switching it for another verb or cut it out completely and just have "She grabbed his hand and pulled him after her"

December made it look really epic, and dramatic, like a hero. And May thought she just looked awkward. --? You don't need the comma after epic, and i would suggest not starting the next sentence with "and" just have "May thought she looked awkward" it flows a lot better :-)

The 2019 Board of Years were unconscious in their seats, and all the high tech computers were blinking the same screen. --> The blinking bit doesn't really make sense. I would suggest changing it to "All the high tech computers were showing the same screen, and were all flashing violently" or something like that. :-)

"Nothing much." April examined her nails, trying to look passive, but a huge grin was on her face. "I just fixed the year." --> I would change it to "But there was a huge grin on her face" as that makes more sense grammatically

May and December paled. "What?" --> This doesn't make sense, so I would say "May and December grew pale" or "Their faces grew pale"


April smiled even bigger. "Nope." ---> This would sound better if you changed it to something like "Aprils smile grew bigger"


Right, sorry about being so pedantic! I am just such a perfectionist when it comes to grammar! :-)

I really loved this story- it was fast paced and full of humour. It was a really sweet story and I really did enjoy it! With just a few minor changes it could be fantastic!

Keep writing! This was a great story

Regards, Che :-)




Horisun says...


Thanks for the review!




Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
— Ann Landers