Young Writers Society

Hello!

What a goofy little piece. I loved it so much. April is so fun! I always thought May would be a little more pleasant of a month. She needs to lighten up a bit!

The twist on the end actually left me intrigued. I was just enjoying myself with a fun little personification of the calendar months, and then April admitted this one was not a prank and now I'm like... wait what why WHY IS IT OVER??

It would be fun to get a better feel for the office environment that they were in to help picture the chase after April and the destination they were actually intended for in the first place (the "meeting place" which is an extremely vague phrase in and of itself). One could argue that it's not important, but the way this piece reads as a narrative following the actions of the characters, a third-person view if you will, I think fleshing out the setting will help a bit. You can tell a lot of the story simply through small bits of description!

That leads into the idea of perhaps a stronger beginning. The hook itself was actually pretty good. I wish I knew why the other months gave her a headache. By the end, I only know why April gave her a headache. But again, perhaps I'm asking too much of a simple narrative!

I like the story though. It made me smile for sure. April is such a goofball. Poor December. We didn't really get to know the guy much at all, so I didn't really get attached to him (in fact, I don't think he had much of a role in the story itself) but just being swept up in another April venture was a completely relatable experience. XD

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hey, Che here for a quick review
I will start by pointing out some grammatical errors I spotted, then move on to the things I liked about it.

Every single April meeting, she had to go and prank people like mad. --> This sentences doesn't make grammatical sense. It should be something like "At every single meeting April attended, she just had to prank people like mad"

"December!" She said, blushing. "Come on." She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him after April. --> I would avoid using "Said" twice in such a short time. It makes it sound pretty dull, so I suggest switching it for another verb or cut it out completely and just have "She grabbed his hand and pulled him after her"

December made it look really epic, and dramatic, like a hero. And May thought she just looked awkward. --? You don't need the comma after epic, and i would suggest not starting the next sentence with "and" just have "May thought she looked awkward" it flows a lot better

The 2019 Board of Years were unconscious in their seats, and all the high tech computers were blinking the same screen. --> The blinking bit doesn't really make sense. I would suggest changing it to "All the high tech computers were showing the same screen, and were all flashing violently" or something like that.

"Nothing much." April examined her nails, trying to look passive, but a huge grin was on her face. "I just fixed the year." --> I would change it to "But there was a huge grin on her face" as that makes more sense grammatically

May and December paled. "What?" --> This doesn't make sense, so I would say "May and December grew pale" or "Their faces grew pale"


April smiled even bigger. "Nope." ---> This would sound better if you changed it to something like "Aprils smile grew bigger"


Right, sorry about being so pedantic! I am just such a perfectionist when it comes to grammar!

I really loved this story- it was fast paced and full of humour. It was a really sweet story and I really did enjoy it! With just a few minor changes it could be fantastic!

Keep writing! This was a great story

Regards, Che