"Jenny!" Someone cried, Ala whirled around, seeing a familiar face. "What are you doing? Playing with a Dirty Mouthed girl like her?"
Jenny took a step back, "I'm just playing with her!"
"What about Jackie? What will she think of your new best friend?"
Ala wrinkled her nose, "Jenny can play with whoever she wants, Jenny."
"Jenny can play with whoever she wants," Tiana shrugged, "but turning her back on her best friend? That's unaseptuhhball."
Ala would've laughed at her, if the situation had not been so dire.
"What are you talking about, Tiana?"
Tiana wrinkled her face in mock disdain. "How COULD you, Jenny? Why would you betray Jackie like that?" She shouted, "And Henry too! How hurt will he be?"
Ala and Jenny stepped back in surprise, not certain what to do.
"Talk about her behind her back like that? Whatever will she think?"
Students turned there heads, gathering around them.
"What is it, Tiana?" Asked one girl, walking up to Tiana with a sneer on her face. "What's the matter?"
Tiana let out a strangled cry, "I hear her talking about Jackie and Henry! Horrible things, they said, terrible..."
At this point, Tiana had every bodies attention, including the teacher.
"What's all this commotion?" Mrs. Vicky asked. Jenny regained some of her composure. She opened her mouth to speak, but Ala interrupted.
"She is lying, Mrs. Vicky, about everything! Jenny and I said nothing, we were only playing-"
"They were talking about their friends behind their back!"
"Tiana, stop, we were not! Why are you lying?"
"Why are you treating your friends like that? How could you betray them?"
"But we didn't!"
"That's it, time out, all three of you! Sit on the bench for five minutes!"
This time, non of them argued, Tiana played her part well, trying to look like a wounded pup, Ala and Jenny, however, didn't need to pretend.
"Why?" Jenny whispered to Tiana, her voice breaking.
Ala could barely hear Tianas response. "This playground is a chessboard, you are the pawns, and I," She chuckled, "I am the player."
Menacing, Ala thought, For a preschooler.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello, it's me again with yet another review for you my fellow writer on this lovely night.
Okay let's begin.
So this chapter didn't end out the why I thought it would, but I new Tiana would say something to Jenny about her playing with Ala, though the things she said I wasn't expecting, how could she be so mean to her own sister. Also she should follow her own rules, she said I think in the fourth chapter that Henry can play with who ever he wants so why can't Jenny? Oh gosh Tiana is rather messed up isn't she?
It was a rather big shock when she started yelling about how Ala and Jenny were saying mean things about their friends, and I'm rather shocked the teacher didn't see right through Tiana. But this is a story and anything can happen.
But I'm not sure about Tiana talking about chess isn't she a little young to no how to play that game? Maybe she is a fast learner, but I'm not sure about Ala knowing how to play that game.
Anyway this was still a really exciting chapter and I'm really pumped to see what will happen in the next chapter. I'm sure lots of cool things will happen. So I hope you will keep writing and post again soon. Have a great day or night.
Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!
You know, I just had a funny idea to change chess to chutes and ladders. I might actually do that.
Okay that's a better idea!
"Menacing - For a preschooler"! Alright, I really love how you made Ala say exactly what I was thinking. Fantastic! Boy is Tiana a ***. She's making me mad and I keep forgetting that she's only a little kid like every one else. How did such a young thing become so manipulative? Was she born a narcissist? Anyway, great job with this story. I hope we get to see them grow up too! Keep writing!
-Shieldmaiden
Thanks for the review!
Hello Horisun!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get right into it. But first, you never notified us for this chapter!! Or maybe I just didn't get a notification... But then you notified us for the eighth chapter and then I was like: Have I read the seventh one???
Okay let's get started.
The italics bit, I have no clue why you capitalized. It looks good, but is there a reason behind the capitalization? But, like, whoever this is, is the one with the dirty mouth, lol.
Wait, whaaaaat??? There's two Jennys?
Tiana's English? That's adorabhull.
"Every bodies" is actually supposed to be "everybody's". Lol, also, this girl lives for attention, eh?
Hell yeah. HOW DOES A FIVE YEAR OLD KNOW HOW TO PLAY CHESS THOUGH??? I don't know how, but it def suits Tiana's attitude. Makes her extra sassy, ya know? It's cute too. Like if parents were looking at it, that's be the cutest thing ever.
Anyways, this was a good chapter.
Okay, so that's it for my review. Hope this helped in one way or the other. Of course, if you've got any questions for me or something related to the review, feel free to ask! I'm onto the next chapter.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Thanks for the review!
it was very inkreduhbull!
Lol, your welcome! %uD83D%uDE02