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Ms. Unicorn to the Rescue: Chapter One

by Horisun


It is time...

I have waited so long...

So long, I once again long for green forests, beautiful oceans, and even... Even humans.

It is time to rise!

I blast out from the dirt, like a daisy popping out of a flower bed. I blink, adjusting my eyes to the sunlight.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I look down, a little four year old was screaming, and pointing at me. I roll my eyes. Silly humans. This wasn't how I planned to make my entrance to the New World.

The last time I was roaming, when was it? I glance around, the meadow that I took refuge in was nothing like it was. There was a strange structure not far from my hiding spot, with kids swarming on it, chasing each other, hiding from each other, and overall, having fun with one another.

This is what I had missed. I thought, feeling a lump in my throat. I had started to attract attention. Young children were touching me, and parents were staring, jaw probably dislocated. It was time to make my exit.

"Goodbye, fair humans of the Meadow! Ms. Unicorn has business to attend to, as much as she'd like to stay, she must... GO!" And with that, I blasted up into the air.


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55 Reviews


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Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:44 pm
Gnomish wrote a review...



Nice!

I like the humour in this, (cause I'm a sucker for humour), and I find that your detail about the reactions of the humans would be very accurate...
I also really like how serious Ms. Unicorn thinks she is.
The simile at the beginning, (the one about the daisies) was really good, and helped set the mood.

One thing I would say, is she was talking about finally coming back to the "New World", and then immediately left again. Maybe it's explained in the next chapter.

-Gnomish




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Thu Apr 18, 2019 3:00 pm
itsCate wrote a review...



Helloooooo, Cate is here to give a review.
I thought this was cute. The unicorn was adorable, I loved that. So first of all my favorite part was "Silly humans"

Soooooooo.......I didn't find anything wrong that someone had already said. I though it was really good, and you should keep it up. Oh wait, I have just thought of something, how did the unicorn know the kid was four years old? Maybe say he was around four, so that we know.


~CATE~




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484 Reviews


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Thu Apr 18, 2019 9:08 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, long time no see! FlamingPhoenix here to drop off a review for you. On this lovely day, and to help get it out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So I have a few things I would just like to ask and point out. So Ms. Unicorn, does she look like a normal unicorn with just a horn, or does she have wings too? That's just a thought.
The next thing is that I do hope we will be able to have more description later, I would like to see more of this world you are making.

Well now that's out the way, I would like to talk about what I liked about the chapter.

I think it was really well written and a great start to a book, to me I think if you do finish it, I think you could make this a kids book, and I'm sure it will sell like hot cakes. Because I can just see this as a story you would read your kids when you're putting them to bed, I know back when I was little I would have liked a book like this.

I would say I would have liked it longer, but considering what the chapter was about, I think the length was really good. It wasn't to long to make it boring, but it was long enough to get me to read the next chapter.

Now Ms. Unicorn seems like a cool character, and i can't wait to see what she will do next, oh and another thing, I do hope we will get to find out what world she came from before she came to earth, well I think.

Well I loved reading this and getting a chance to read it and review it for you. I hope you will keep writing really cool thing and never stop. I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.




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236 Reviews


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Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:00 pm
Liberty says...



Whoa!

That sure left me speechless...

I totally did not expect that.

This is good!

Tag me for the next chapter!





Once you have people's attention, you have a greater responsibility to tell them something of value.
— Tobias Forge (Ghost B.C.)