The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 13

Hi! I'm here for a quick review.

I just started reading this novel today, and it seems really interesting. Would you mind tagging me once you post new chapters? Thanks

Now, on to the review.

The starting and ending were, as always, perfect. Not too conclusive, not too open.

I love how you get 'inside the characters' heads'. I mean that you portray their emotions, thoughts and fears so beautifully, it feels like you ARE the character.

Till now, the plot has been coming along really well, with all the sugar and spice required for a perfect novel. Congrats on that!

Just a suggestion I have is, you could use more of the italicized thoughts, in the form of direct speech. I think that would connect better with readers. Another thing is that when you italicize something, you don't have to put it in quotes. You can write it just like that.

Overall, this was an amazing chapter.

Keep Writing!

Hey! Just for a short review for the RevMo. I will try but let's see what I can do.

So from what I could interpret, the story seems to be quite interesting. In this chapter, it seems like the shadow talons are in a pathetic condition due to some reason. They are not getting food, nor any resources. I wonder what's the source of their food. Anyway, now these Ghost Talons(I like the name) are far more powerful than the shadow talons. These two Shadow Talons kind of seem to be the representative of the whole tribe of shadow talons. That is subject to further confirmation tho. I really wonder if these Gost Talons will help them and the worst will be if they tell them to exchange Shadow talons. Now, why will they say so? What is the value of these shadow talons? Will they become slaves of them?

I really like that short action scene where the Ghost Talons captured them and before that they decided to escape. I wonder if there are more tribes like them and how they exactly are and if there are any sort of war or something similar among them. The Ghost Talons didn't trat them in a good manner, maybe money has something to do with it.

Anyway, I think I will read the previous chapters too. It's quite interesting.

Keep Writing!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm back again!!...I heard there are things to find out in this one...oooh...well I'm excited to see if I can spot them...xD

First Impression: OOoh...well I had a lot of fun scanning for clues to abilities in this chapter...xd..more than usual that is...its always fun to read a chapter of this story...well hmm...lost of good things happening here..and well you know the drill, more details on that down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was early dawn by the time Zoltar and Hisster arrived in the Forbidden Hills. The sun had yet to rise and the waving grasslands were cloaked in shadow. The long blades carpeted the earth, in some patches taller than a dragon’s snout. Tendrils of mist swept across the dull yellow hills, blanketing the landscape in a veil of shifting white.

Zoltar growled quietly. Between the towering grasses and fog, it was almost impossible to make out anything.

He sniffed the air, searching for any signs of life, but it was no use. Hisster had been right. Grass spores clouded the air. Any other scents were stifled, overpowered by the dry, acidic musk they emitted.

Wiping his watering eyes, Zoltar groaned as he stifled a sneeze. No wonder the Ghost Talons had to be immune to spores the grasslands released. He’d hadn’t been here for an hour yet and already the toxins were starting to take effect.

‘Where are the Ghost Talons? They had to be around here somewhere.’

The hills seemed to rise and fall like the waves of a rolling sea as they circled overhead, searching the earth for any signs of movement.

“Hisster?” Zoltar was startled by how loud his voice sounded in the echoing stillness hanging over them, “What are you hoping to give the Ghost Talons in exchange for their help?”

He’d been rolling this question around and around his head the whole flight and still hadn’t come up with an answer.

Hisster glanced over at him, the doubt obvious in his eyes.

“We have the gold and silver we managed to salvage from the volcano.” He sighed, “I can only hope that they’ll accept it. We don’t have anything else to offer.”

Zoltar dropped his gaze. That was what he’d been dreading. They had no food, no recourses and weren’t able to offer labour. And to be honest, the gold and silver they did have was pitiful at best. It wasn’t refined or carved. It was melted lumps of metal. The Ghost Talons would be crazy to accept it.

Zoltar rubbed his talons nervously. Was there really any point to this? The likelihood of them succeeding was so slim that it didn’t even seem worth the flight out. Not to mention the fact that no one in the Shadow Talon tribe knew where the Ghost Talons lived. The only way Hisster would be able to talk with their chief was if a passing patrol spotted them and for all he knew that could take hours.

He was distracted from his thoughts when a herd of Antelosaurs burst from the grasslands below, letting off a spray of spores.The antelope like reptiles bellowed in alarm as they raced across the plains, their scaly tails whipping through the grass behind them as they used their antlers to create a path through the fields of yellow blades.

“We best land,” Hisster said suddenly as he watched the Antelosaurs disappear into the distance, “The Ghost Talons won’t show themselves while we’re airborne.”

“You think that’s what spooked the Antelosaurs?” Zoltar asked as he searched the ground below for the Ghost Talons.

Hisster nodded, “That was them alright. They’ve probably been watching us for a while now.”

Zoltar grimaced. The idea that a band of venomous dragons had been observing them without him even being aware of it made his scales crawl. It was all too familiar.

He shook his head, stopping his thoughts right there. This was not the time to go down that tunnel.

Following Hisster, Zoltar swooped downward, the wind grabbing at his wings with its claws. The ground rose up to meet them, but before it could pull them into it, the two dragons whipped out their wings, slowing their descent. They landed softly, sinking snout deep into the golden grasses.

The blades swayed back and forth, rustling in the wind. Early morning mist swirled around them as it intertwined with the spores clouding the air.

Zoltar strained his eyes, but between the itching and fog he couldn’t see further than a few paw steps ahead of him. He felt practicly blind. It was unnerving. Was this what it was like for other tribes after daylight had faded? He’d never thought about how unsettling it must be, to know that there were creatures around you, but still unable to see them coming.

Zoltar shivered as a high pitched clicking began to fill the air around them, growing louder by the second like the whir of a thousand insect wings. It felt like ants were crawling between his scales as the sound penetrated through him, whining and buzzing the whole time.

He could feel his heart start to pound harder against his chest. He couldn’t stand this. They were circling them, edging closer and closer, their figures hidden be the dense foliage.

“They’re trying to locate us,” He felt Hisster bump against his wing, “Follow me.”

Trying to still the barrage of thoughts racing through his mind, Zoltar trailed Hisster as they walked up a rise.

The grass was shorter here, only come up to their bellies. Zoltar breathed a shaky sigh of relief before glancing at Hisster. His eyes were fixed on the grasslands behind them. Zoltar followed the direction of Hisster’s stern gaze. His heart jump into his throat.

Rising from the continually moving grasses were seven figures. Barely visible through the mist, the Ghost Talons seemed to float through the sea of gold before them, twisting through it like crimson winged serpents. As they approached, the clicking faded, replaced once more by the echoing stillness.

Zoltar’s scales raised as the seven Ghost Talons prowled over to Hisster, like cats sizing up a mouse before pouncing. They bared their fangs, displaying the black venom that coated them.

They were so much larger than him or Hisster. If anything went wrong, they wouldn’t stand a chance.

Zoltar edged back a few steps, shrinking before the dragons towering over him. Hisster held his ground though, his wings held back in a display of confidence as he faced the Ghost Talons.

“I am General Racknar of the Ghost Talons.” the lead Ghost Talon growled. He flashed his teeth again, displaying two canines curving from his upper jaw like sabers.

“So, you are the Shadow Talon’s that scout told me about. It didn’t believe it at first, two Shadow Talons circling over Ghost Talon territory. Now why would you do that?” he purred, flicking out his forked tongue.

As he spoke, two Ghost Talons stalked behind Zoltar while the rest positioned themselves on either side of Hisster and him. Racknar remained in front, yellow smoke coiling from his snout.

“I request a meeting with your chief. We wish to discuss an alliance with him.” Hisster said as he held Racknar’s stare, though the faintest quiver could be seen running over his back spines, “We will obviously pay him handsomely in gold and silver."

“Phfff,” Racknar spat, flaring his blood red frill, “and what makes you so sure we will help you Shadow Talon? Gold and silver are worthless to us.”

Hisster flinched, his eyes showing a glimmer of panic, “We will give anything. Please, just hear us out. Your chief is our last hope.”

“Really,” Racknar drawled, his glowing red eyes narrowing, “Krakatoa might be interested in you after all,” he smiled, his wickedly sharp teeth shining. “We best go see him then.”

“Forward!” Zoltar jumped, his heart leaping into his throat as Racknar roared the order. The battalion moved together as one, the Shadow Talons forced to match the pace of the Ghost Talons.

The grass parted like water as the dragons waded through it. Dust and spores kicked up by their claws coated Zoltar’s lungs, causing him to cough and splutter.

What did the Ghost Talons want? The fact that their General had lit up after Hisster’s plea for help didn’t bode well for them. They obviously didn’t want gold or silver. If that was the case they would have taken them to their chief before Hisster had let on how desperate they were.

Fear gripped his heart in cold talons. The only thing they could offer the Ghost Talons was their land or their very lives. The Ghost Talons couldn’t want the Shadow Lands with its volcanic ground and barren wastes.

Were they planning to swap their services for Shadow Talons? The whole tribe was starving though. They could barely walk out of their dens, let alone work for the Ghost Talons as slaves. Zoltar shivered. He couldn’t bear the thought of what might happen to those dragons.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. How was being worked to death by Ghost Talons any better than waiting to die in the Shadow Lands? Maybe Hisster would consider turning down the Ghost Talons offer if it meant exchanging Shadow Talons for help?

Zoltar gritted his teeth. What if he did turn down their offer? The Ghost Talons were far from the most hospitable of dragon tribes. Refusing their help after practically begging for it could cost them dearly.

As the group of dragons trekked down another slope and deeper into Ghost Talon territory, Zoltar could only hope that their chief would be merciful and let them leave with their lives.

Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review!

This was a chapter like I haven't read from you before. Especially towards the end, I thought you described a very solid ending.

Some points I noticed while reading:

The long blades carpeted the earth, in some patches taller than a dragon's snout.

"What are you hoping to give the Ghost Talons in exchange for their help?"

He was distracted from his thoughts when a herd of Antelosaurs

This was not the time to go down that tunnel.

Zoltar strained his eyes, but between the itching and fog, but he couldn't see further than a few paw steps ahead of him.